Woah, okay.
Let me take this one sentence (?) at a time.

I'm not sure what's going on, but if you want to talk to someone and open up, I think the best thing is to speak to someone face to face, or voice to voice. Journals get missed, or people may not know what to say half to time. Heck, I don't even know what to say. But! I think if you talk to someone close to you, someone you trust, that may be a good start.

With only a mere two decades on this Earth, I've realized that people like to feel like they're listened to. They might not need a verbal (or written) affirmation, just to know that someone is actually, truly listening can help a ton.

Hang in there, okay? :3

*hugs* Tanks

I read your journal yesterday and being it so long and my attention wasn't really dedicated to reading it at the time.
A tiny phone screen in bright sunlight doesn't help much either.
I got some time to fully read yesterday's journal and fully understand what was being written on it.

Then upon writing a reply, I wad lost for words and brain full of other annoying thoughts.
Then I see you posted a new journal. ...
I think that my memory serves me well on what I read yesterday and I may add my 2 cents to it.

Ok... I got the warning on what was in store if I read your journal.

The spanking of a child is a divided answer of being for and against it.
Getting a spanking on the receiving end. .. I clearly detested it and always will! Sometimes a spanking may be necessary but it shouldn't have to be brutal and severely painful! You are right, according to the child's personality. Some of those spankings can be leave an everlasting scar in a child's memory.
Believe me! Some of my spankings left me hesitant to become a parent!
I see parents spanking their children and I cringe!
You know, after there's been so many laws passed against corporal punishment or spanking. .. Some of today's children get really out of control and there's no substitute for whatever bad dead the child had done,but to spank him or her!
So that's my opinion on that issue.

The memory of being a diapered baby. .......
I was born in the 70s and I was on the verge of being potty trained.
I don't remember if I was in those first generation pampers or cloth diapers.
But I do strangely remember the house that we lived in,some old guy who lived across the street with this big screen television. ... you know the one that had the single crt in a box tunnel thingy that was on the side but still part of the TV cabinet,and oh yeah. ... seeing my pet solid black poodle laying dead by the gas meter in front of our house.
Why do I remember that?
Then I had that stupid wooden potty training toilet! It had a picture of a sheep on it!
Then we moved to another house that was smaller than the previous one.
I had my share of wetting the bed,floor,couch and getting spanked for it!
My mercy less punishments was simular to yours.

Your dyslexia,I'm sorry that you have to deal with it *hugs*
As long as I known you. I noticed your "writing" pattern but keep my mouth shut about it. Now I know where the reason to it.
It usually leaves me to read whatever you written over twice and think of what you ment to write.
I got to show *theodoreisthebesticon* a little more Mercy and accept how he writes.

Your painful time with the clothes wringer. .... ouchers!
I'm satisfied with my falling out of the back of my dad's truck and landing on my head on the hard asphalt! This is a toss up but I I'll stay with my accident!

I hate that your dad just up left you and your mom. *hugs*
Then on top of that, being said that you were just like your father as an what seems to be used as a insult.
Your family's opinion shouldn't be taken out on you. You were just a child that had no control over the situation. They should be apologizing to you and doing whatever to ease the emotional damage done to you for the rest of their lives!
In a positive way, almost every kid looks up to their dad and want to be like him. (At least until they grew a little wiser or maybe get bunt by their dad or get misinformed by what the mother and kin wants the kid to believe. )

Let's see.... have I left anything out. .
It'll come to me if I have any questions. Because I asked a few in the past and I appreciate your willingness to answer them.
I know that you shared some of your life's memories with us,that's why I drew comics of what my cub hood was like.
Do you have any memories that you were fond of?
How did you feel whenever the onset of diabetes came?

I remember you mentioned that you were raped 5 years back.
Did you ever press charges against that person?

thank you for all the comments.

At the time frame I do not have very many happy moments I mean for the most part I was back and forth to the hospital a lot of that I don't remember some of it yeah it's that whole childhood amnesia thing that goes on most children don't remember much about that incident and swear they were never in diaper begin with but they are usually going through potty training between the ages of 18 months and two years old some nowadays start at about three years old.

Thank you for understanding about dyslexia I do use a voice recognition software and sometimes it does very well but you have to go back and reread over everything to make sure that it didn't throw something in where it shouldn't be or put a word in that I did not say candy most aggravating because sometimes long journals like that I started at 11 in the morning and I think I posted it at 3:30 in the afternoon.

Now about the rape thing most kids at my age when that was going on in that time did not report it to anyone sometimes not even their parents and when they did their parents would kind of brush it under the table or very big rug and for bit the child to speak about it I guess never said anything and really you would have to fairly close to me for me to even open up about it because I was just a couple months from being 12 years old and it went on until I was 15 years old and it only stopped when I left Miami and went to a trade center in the Morning Field Kentucky and I really didn't say anything to anyone about it, but I do plan on opening up about it maybe some don't want to hear about it but I have kept it so long inside I just have to say something.

Again thank you for commenting, I have to go look at the other places I posted this at to see if anybody else has said anything.

Ok. *hugs* hang in there Pandr!
Always a pleasure speaking to you.

I had to go back and Reread.. I will Say one thing I myself have alot of similar memories but in different ways.
As far as the spanking thing. I myself got spanked as a kid but never brutally.
Did how ever get beaten but that will be saved for another time. But my overall opinion is much like tyrones.. It is a necessary part in disaplin only until it creates physical pain.. a light spank hard enough to get the message across they did wrong but there a fine like when it becomes abuse..

In regards to the dyslexia. I can sorta relate. While I dont have it I do have trouble with grammar and writing for other reason of which just bad wiring in my head , due to a pretty severe head injury I suffered very early in my life.
That of which slowed my development as well and I wore diapers longer cause of it simply cause I had to re learn everything almost. Well most things needed time to rewire..

I think many of us have similar memories and either dont know what to say cause it spark our own memories, or we just honestly dont have words to use.

I have shared stuff in past before as well, including things of rape as well. I didnt get much response either. Only from a couple people. I van definitely relate to it being hard to open up about and hard to talk about.

*hugs*

thank you about all you comment on, maybe I will try doing it a different way I am just not real good at discussing this stuff somebody face-to-face

Im not good at it either, Im still trying to wrap my head around my own stuff too.
Hopes your able to find a way. *mega hugs*

Same stuff happened to me sorry I have Barnet connection. Hugs

Hi *hugs* Tanks

NP always support ^^

Oh I forgot to mention, dealing with the brain damage of the affected side of my brain.
Like Cole says,you have to learn to do certain things again.
I wore diapers during my stay in the hospital.
My feelings on that was strange! But I wore them.
Needed a more fabric feel than plastic.
I had slightly lost control of my bladder and had accidents for a short while! And people that darn well knew that I had a stroke was so ignorant and insensitive about my wetting myself!
Like we went through in our cub years, you were expected of having developed full control of your vowel moments and urinary tract!
But your body does do things that fly under the brain's radar!
Your bladder fills up with urine and all of sudden you gotta go!