As you can tell, I get in these, depressive fits, a lot, and well
It's not like I'm always upset, but every journal is gonna be upset because the times I need help seems to be the only times I ever post.

Anyways, the pount of this journal is to say I can see myself becoming shyer. A lot of my favorite artists aren't uploading on FA anymore and I can see that now. I feel so, uninvolved with this whole fandom. Yet it seems to be my only hobby anymore. I don't want to pick up my pen and draw ever because I know it's never going to compare, it's going to make myself seem that much uglier and unpleasant because of the way I draw... I just, I don't know... I feel like a lurker and it's a horrible thing to feel. I think the only way I can really feel, supportive, or thankful, for this community, is to start buying comissions or donating. But I really, really don't have the money for it. Right when I wanted to, they started cutting my hours and... I have driving lessons and car stuff to pay for and I can't even imagine how I would ever go to school. Adulthood sucks dick. (But it's not like I could have bought comissions as a kid, so there's that.) I wanna support you guys so much... You don't know how much you've pulled me up, my best friends are in this fandom, if it weren't for a friend in particular I would probably have given up on art.

Don't mind me, I suppose