This is pretty heavy. And I'm definitely no expert, especially since I have not had to deal with family death that affected me much (I was not close to my grand parents for example). But this situation is pretty darn complicated anyway.

Anyone not wanting a loved one to die is a pretty natural reaction and one that no one can avoid. But I would think that honoring his choice, of choosing where he dies, is something that I wouldn't think is a bad thing. Not that I'm saying is all good since it's still death. But I guess I'm of the opinion that 80 is a pretty good run. Upper 80s even. The older the body gets, the harder it is to keep healthy or even cure. If he chooses to go home to pass, I would think it's because he's ready to go. Like, he's done what he wanted to do in life or whatever and there's not enough loose ends left for him to keep potentially suffering for longer only to die in an hospital.

... That's me being logical though. Or as logical as I can. I don't know if you are in position to do so, but I have heard of people consulting a psychiatrist to help them mourn properly. I'm just mentioning now in case you didn't consider it as an option, but I think it might be good option for something like that.

Hope you pull through.

I like to think of myself as being pretty logical too. I'm not going to fight against his opinion, but he has always been one of the strongest people I knew. Even in his upper 80's, he still traveled, he still was active in his community, he looked great, young, and hell he even tanned every day because he just liked to sit out in the sun. This is a man who I have never seen need help with anything...

I actually think that's the hardest part. To see such a strong person be pushed to this point, and so quickly

That's the reality of us humans I suppose. We can be as strong as we can be weak, especially when dealing with mortality.

Death is a weird thing because of our outlook on life. And how we see other people.

As long as you remember that strength... And I assume that there were plenty of good times too, you wouldn't be bothered otherwise. That's the "best part" about being sad to lose someone, is that that someone was as good as they were.

I don't know what else to say and I'm not sure I've said anything all that great, but I won't be able to answer again since I'm heading to bed. Hopefully you'll be ok.

I appreciate it a lot, I really do

That is a very delicate situation to be in. Bacterial infection, especially hospital kind can be incredibly difficult to treat. Sounds to me he got infected with a super bacteria which is as bad as it gets. Its already a difficult thing to fight when you are young and fit but being as old as he is, its even harder. There is no right or wrong answer to this. No matter how much you want them to be OK, the truth is it doesn't always happen. Death reaches all, its a part of life, in fact, the ultimate truth of life. You are born, therefore you will die.

You're seeing death as a negative thing at the moment, and I cannot blame you. Losing family members in such a short span is terrible. Coping with one death is hard enough. Just try to remember this: no matter what, he will live in in your memories and your heart. Cherish the moments you have left with him instead of focusing on his death. Focus on his life, and make sure he enjoys it fully.

In a medical sense, I personally have seen someone in their 80s survive. She was also in ICU for 59 days and took her another 6 months to fully recover and even then, her quality of life decreased dramatically. Before her infection, she had more energy then some 70 year olds, this according to her children, all of whom were doctors and medical professionals. So they knew what they were talking about. It truly depends on each patient and each case. It took her that long to recover and it was from a strong, but not a super hospital bacterial infection. This is likely why he simply gave up. Sometimes its best to just not suffer. And in the end, this is something no one else can decide for him. But as I said, there is no right or wrong answer. All you can do is support him with his decision.

I really am sorry you have to deal with so much like this. *hug* Its never easy and it never gets easier. Even as a nurse, death hits us. Personal deaths hit me harder. All we can do is get up when we can and move on. So enjoy the time you have, so you can send him off with a smile when time comes. That's the best thing you can do for him right now.

I'm not too familiar with the type of bacterial infection it was, but what you're saying sounds about right on so I can only speculate that it's accurate.

I guess it didn't help that today I was already feeling terrible due to abdominal pain; this just made it worse.

Thank you for your words and well wishes

The reason I believe its a hospital super bacteria is due to the fact you stated it was an infection post surgery. Sometimes your prophylactic (anti infection treatment) will work for everything but that nasty little bugger since its so damn strong and then it just proliferates like no tomorrow. While not very common, nothing is fool proof and that still happens from time to time.

As for you, there's a whole plethora of reasons that you could be feeling abdominal pain. Chances are its just stress. Its surreal sometimes how much it messes up our GI track. The fact it got worse makes me feel its indeed just that. Of course even with my experience, I can't tell you for sure what you have. I don't have super vision, although I wish I did! Just try to relax as best you can under those circumstances and avoid things that are heavy on the stomach. I do wish you all the luck in the world dealing with this. Its not easy. *hug*

Actually they believe I have crohns. It's not 100%, but they put me on some medication which seems to be working

Oh how I hate that auto immune disease. If you do indeed have chron's, you've been put on steroids right? And if it is working there can be no doubt you do have it although I believe only a colonoscopy can make 100% certainty of your illness. You need to change your diet now to avoid the flare ups. Because of the nature of chron's, it will depend entirely on your body. Whatever you find that triggers the pain, bloating and diarrhea that is caused by it. The only real thing you can do is trial and error. Avoid things that you notice are making you sick. It could be dairy, it could be gluten, certain fruits that are high in fiber. If you find that fiber triggers it, you'll still need it in order to just poop well. If that is the case, you'll need to have fiber that dissolves easily in water. Things such as leafy greens like lettuce will aid in that.

Oh geez I apologize. The nurse in me came out hard now. I shouldn't be pestering you with all these advises about your health like this! I'm sorry. Still, take those things into consideration if you do have chron's although I hope its more stress and less your immune system being derpy! ^^;

Ahaha, no I appreciate it. No, I'm not on a steroid or immune system inhibitor. They actually put me on Mesalamine, specifically Pentasa. The only signs of it I had were in my lower intestine, and even then it was considered very mild or early onset.

My only symptom is the abdominal pain though, and my primary care physician isn't completely convinced but recommended I take the medication anyway, since that may help determine if it's accurate.

And for context, since February I had a CAT scan, Colonoscopy, and an MRI in that order. It was only after the MRI they were able to determine it.

Then its ridiculously early on. Which is good! Its much easier to treat when its so early on. And you can avoid many of its nasty late stage symptoms and injuries due to it. If you feel so much stomach pain, you may have an ulcer on your stomach too. In that case, one thing that helps a lot with stomach ulcers of all kinds is acid reduction medication such as omeprazole or ranitidine. You should tell your doctor this too. Because he may even treat for H. Pylori which is usually the culprit of stomach ulcers.

I certainly learned a lot, not what I expected in this post but I honestly appreciate it :D

You are quite welcome :3