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I'm Okay....
9 years ago
I could write a novel about all the shit that happened to me this summer; regarding my Relationship status, Friends, and trying to move into a phase where I;m not working on Overdrive trying to help out the Furry Fandom to an extent I was previously. But I'm not going to.
Let's just say it was beyond Rocky and given a choice I NEVER want to repeat this summer ever again.
Long time friendships got strained, a relationship ended. I lost my focus and spawned a ton of Self Doubt. I had to climb out of a hole akin to a mineshaft.
On the flipside.... I made some new friends. I broke down a wall that I had built with someone over the last several years and can now work and be friends with them again. I got into a steady Pen and Paper RPG group on Friday nights; something I haven't been able to do in nearly a decade. So yes a LOT of good came out of this summer too.
I've been all sorts of mixed emotions over the past few months. It's been tough... I felt like I was going to explode several times. And people who said "Oh you don't have it THAT bad... I have it MUCH worse" was like a knife being jabbed in every time it was said. Because saying "I have it WORSE" is NOT helpful to someone who has borderline Depression. It was a dark place... I don't want to go back there again. But I am proud of myself for being able to crawl out of that hole without the aid of medication or psych therapy.
I needed that balance back of feeling calm rather then having a rage of emotions... the highs and the lows. I really only achieved this calm after last night. I had a lot of stress (both positive and negative) this summer. But I'm still here, life still goes on, and yes I have a lot I can be thankful for. Now that I've found myself again; I can go back to starting the next chapter in life... rather then hectically scribbling in pages and not really going anywhere...
Right now, I feel Okay. And i am content that I feel Okay.
Let's just say it was beyond Rocky and given a choice I NEVER want to repeat this summer ever again.
Long time friendships got strained, a relationship ended. I lost my focus and spawned a ton of Self Doubt. I had to climb out of a hole akin to a mineshaft.
On the flipside.... I made some new friends. I broke down a wall that I had built with someone over the last several years and can now work and be friends with them again. I got into a steady Pen and Paper RPG group on Friday nights; something I haven't been able to do in nearly a decade. So yes a LOT of good came out of this summer too.
I've been all sorts of mixed emotions over the past few months. It's been tough... I felt like I was going to explode several times. And people who said "Oh you don't have it THAT bad... I have it MUCH worse" was like a knife being jabbed in every time it was said. Because saying "I have it WORSE" is NOT helpful to someone who has borderline Depression. It was a dark place... I don't want to go back there again. But I am proud of myself for being able to crawl out of that hole without the aid of medication or psych therapy.
I needed that balance back of feeling calm rather then having a rage of emotions... the highs and the lows. I really only achieved this calm after last night. I had a lot of stress (both positive and negative) this summer. But I'm still here, life still goes on, and yes I have a lot I can be thankful for. Now that I've found myself again; I can go back to starting the next chapter in life... rather then hectically scribbling in pages and not really going anywhere...
Right now, I feel Okay. And i am content that I feel Okay.
Stay strong.
Thanks for understanding
Indeed, stay strong sir.