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i guess i need help figuring out what to do.
9 years ago
i don't know how honest i am and i don't know what others think. i always feel like friends are special to me, if i was able to i would try to help them out and support them even if it's only words and i know how worthless mine are. i don't know how to act around people so i don't know if i do things okay or if i'm just a nuisance. people are too nice to let me know if i am a problem so i just can't fix a problem if noone tells me, no matter how much it might hurt or not.
my problem is, a friend i knew for a long time, i guess i don't know if i was their friend or if i was good enough to even be one or whatever. my problem is that this friend kind of stopped talking to me. i try not to get too into chatting with them because i've only ruined friendships with others i loved because i got too nervous and anxious not sure if they are okay or if something happened to them.
i'd messaged them asking a few things so that i could know when they got back if there was something i could do to fix or whatever. they never did get back to me. i can pretend like they are too busy to chat even though it was like a yes or no question. probably took a minute or two at them most to resolve. the reason i say pretend they are busy is that, they do update their stuff here. the posted a journal not even a week ago, and i checked and they are active on twitter. they are online on the few things that i do have them on as well.
the thing i just need help to find out is, if there is something i might be able to do or if they are just doing something becasue of something i did that i didn't know. i'm only conflicted about this because recently i was listening to people and they explained what ghosting was. so now i have it stuck in my mind that they are doing that because they don't want to talk. the only problem i have with that is that if they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore, why don't they just tell me that it's over. that i'm not worth being their friend, that i'm just trash compared to them and that nothing i do works with what they want or expect to be done.
i guess i just need help figuring out what i should do to atleast bring myself at ease. i've lost a few really good friends and some of them have been very precious to me. it tears me apart to know that i hurt someone in such a way that they need to tell me i did something wrong but i'd rather know that what i did was unacceptable or if it can be fixed. that aside one of the few friends i lost i was i guess glad to gain back again. i used to be so attatched to them and now i mean i still feel guilty about them that i don't really talk too much with them like i used to. i am glad to know taht they do still do well and that i am able to get art from them when i am able and willing.
maybe i'm rambling but i guess i just wanted to try to explain myself and how i think so that you can help me find out what to do. maybe this is just one of those things that are blocking me from being productive because i just don't have any answeres to the situation.
my problem is, a friend i knew for a long time, i guess i don't know if i was their friend or if i was good enough to even be one or whatever. my problem is that this friend kind of stopped talking to me. i try not to get too into chatting with them because i've only ruined friendships with others i loved because i got too nervous and anxious not sure if they are okay or if something happened to them.
i'd messaged them asking a few things so that i could know when they got back if there was something i could do to fix or whatever. they never did get back to me. i can pretend like they are too busy to chat even though it was like a yes or no question. probably took a minute or two at them most to resolve. the reason i say pretend they are busy is that, they do update their stuff here. the posted a journal not even a week ago, and i checked and they are active on twitter. they are online on the few things that i do have them on as well.
the thing i just need help to find out is, if there is something i might be able to do or if they are just doing something becasue of something i did that i didn't know. i'm only conflicted about this because recently i was listening to people and they explained what ghosting was. so now i have it stuck in my mind that they are doing that because they don't want to talk. the only problem i have with that is that if they don't want to have anything to do with me anymore, why don't they just tell me that it's over. that i'm not worth being their friend, that i'm just trash compared to them and that nothing i do works with what they want or expect to be done.
i guess i just need help figuring out what i should do to atleast bring myself at ease. i've lost a few really good friends and some of them have been very precious to me. it tears me apart to know that i hurt someone in such a way that they need to tell me i did something wrong but i'd rather know that what i did was unacceptable or if it can be fixed. that aside one of the few friends i lost i was i guess glad to gain back again. i used to be so attatched to them and now i mean i still feel guilty about them that i don't really talk too much with them like i used to. i am glad to know taht they do still do well and that i am able to get art from them when i am able and willing.
maybe i'm rambling but i guess i just wanted to try to explain myself and how i think so that you can help me find out what to do. maybe this is just one of those things that are blocking me from being productive because i just don't have any answeres to the situation.
But if it's a loss on your part, that really, truly sucks. But life is full of false friends, it's the ones that know how to forgive you that are worth keeping around
That's my two cents, hope you find your answers and feel better man.
__Blue__ :3
they are only working on like four things and looking they have tons of time to retweet things and reply to people about whatever in conversations. i mean i guess i could be wrong, i don't know how that works so i guess people could be doing that all in seconds while they're busy.
i just feel like they have been done with me for a while and don't even think i'm worth the time to just tell a simple, now i don't want to see you anymore or just say that things are fine or anything to reassure me. maybe i'm just a selfish person but i just kind of hurt not knowing if a friend, especially as old as they are, doesn't tell me anything.
that aside, you don't need to be sorry for not being able to reply or anything. it's cool when the artist or whoever replies to you but i don't think it has to be done or that i expect or demand people to respond to my stuff. half the time it's just stupid shit that can be ignored. you just keep doing what you always do man and i know people will always enjoy it as long as you enjooy what you do. i'm honestly surprised you commented here. i guess either i didn't notice you you watched me, for whatever reason, or i just forgot.
I just want to make it super crystal clear that being my friend involves a lot -a lot- of silence (if that wasn't obvious already.) I guess I'm just not a very talkative person at all unless it's a serious discussion I feel like going on about, which I'll post here 99.9% of the time. And sometimes I don't reply just because I have nothing constructive to say besides "oh cool yeah" and I'm not the kind of person to make those comments? And if that ever bothers you or if you feel like I'm ignoring you for some reason or another I'd really want you to tell me so we can resolve whatever issue.
I also want you to know that I think you're a wonderful person and a good friend, and you really, really undervalue yourself as a person and as a living being worthy of respect. If someone can't even take the time out to tell you what you did wrong, and is choosing to give you the cold shoulder like a child, they're not worth your time or respect, Toodie. They're really not. You're worth more than that, whoever they may have been to you - and it hurts to let friends go like that, but if they can't put in the time to resolve conflict with you, even down to the barest effort of telling you there *is* conflict, then you need to -for your sake- stop being friends with them.
The only thing that has ever really bothered me about you is that you're a huge pushover, and you let people walk all over you, and it upsets me because you're such a kind and generous person and you deserve better than you give yourself. You let people take and take from you until you're left feeling depressed and unwanted for months and then the cycle repeats itself. You gotta stop, man, you're worth so much more than that.