Okay this is going to seem strange but I hardly ever make journals so I thought I should just say it here and now that my birthday is on the 25th of October. Seen a few birthdays pop up recently and I missed them like an oaf. So I aplolgose to those of you and wish you a happy birthday. But it got me think about and like woah another year has almost been and gone for me.

I got a promotion at my job, I basically have one other side job along with current and more responsibility- potentially less time to myself as I will have more hours... I'm not sure how I feel about it yet... I keep having bad days at work that nearly destroy me. I nearly fucked up big time today and every time I do my self worth which is t super high anyway plummets. I wish was in a better position to explain my state of being. Maybe for the most part, I'm okay, on the surface. But that surface level brakes and the flood of whatever it is hold back, my misery, my contempt for the way the world turns and sad truth of all things equal zero. Now I'm being profound but, anyway. I despair and see just how easy it could be to stop it all. I think for too long for certain people in my life, I've had to be the beacon of 'okay' and as a result I don't like to burden people with my grievances if I can help it. I don't like to be in the way.

I really don't know why I'm up I think I woke up and forgot in was writing this anyway guess I post another journal at some point.