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Movie Review: Disney
9 years ago
General
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/7794451/ Review standards.
Many movies over the years have been given great reviews, loved by the public, but are they really so great?
Lets go over a few of them.
Pinocchio: As we know, Disney has taken many of the old grim tales and trademarked them as their own, usually with a little plot change. the main problem is simple with this story, a completely dead piece of wood comes to life and then he sends it out into the world like its nothing. Its an easy one to miss. The rest of the story isnt bad, but its a little all over the place.
Lion King: Is Lion hamlet with some musical numbers and has a happy ending. This one has a lot of character growth, development It deals gracefully with just about every aspect on the list. Not any complaints aside from Scar never really had much backstory.
So here we have a great story and an alright story from long ago. Lets look at one of Disney's original attempts at something new.
oh also spoilers.
FROZEN...
Where do I start? The very beginning of the movie starts out with the ice cutting song. This song serves no purpose but to introduce a character (which isnt really needed) and a little cultural insertion (for a fantasy story.) After that we have the king come to the trolls for help. "Born with the power or cursed?" First line from the troll. So much promise. I mean curses are things Disney does, sleeping beauty did it well. Born with it? Oh well is this natural? Are there others with this power? Was there a reason for this cause? Nope, thats it. Backstory: 0. Elsa is just a lucky star who managed to posses the power of Iceman. But not really. Cause she can bring snow to life, Make clothes and makeup and most of all make a Disney style castle out of thin air with ice. Excuse me if I am not impressed with your Mary Sue Disney. So apparently trolls, magic and stuff are natural in this world. And so the troll waves his hand and rewrites her memories... yep just a thing in this world. Then Professor X Troll tells him that her powers are only going to grow and that you have to "CONTROL IT" or fear will be your undoing. So what does King daddy do? "Suppress your powers dear." Great parenting. "Also we dont have a tower or anything so we are just going to lock you in your room. WE arnt evil." I mean this parenting is so bad the only thing they did worst was die on their kids. Yeah I went there.
So fast forward BOTH girls have been locked in the castle. Elsa I will assume is in like solitary confinement. That doesn't cause mental problems at all. So we have one girl who is now filled with fear of losing control and an isolationist, and one that is dumber than pancake, but its cool cause she is totally adorkable. She knows nothing because she is sheltered and is pretty much a party girl. Again, these are the leaders of this doomed 'let them eat cake' kingdom. Nothing eventful happens until a girl falls for a pretty faced guy, who is perfect. She barely talks about any of his things but he does talk about being neglected by his brothers followed by "But I would never hit you baby." So obviously Elsa loses control and everyone knows now. Do people react surprised in this strangely magic-less kingdom in a fantasy world? Yes. Are the reactions over the top? yes. So she runs away and after endangering people and starting the next ice age what does her sister do? Stay and give blankets and help the populace because she is the only ruling monarch left? Nope gotta get my sister, here dude I met, Run my kingdom for me while I am away! And of course, because Disney wants to make his betrayal all the more shocking he has a sort of "dont leave me! be safe." face, instead of a smiling "Alright this is perfect face."
So a girl, who has been locked in a castle, who knows nothing about the kingdom, people or the wilderness, walks into the blizzard without supplies or worm clothes, and no map. She is dead and found later to be 'Frozen.' Roll credits.
But no. She miraculously finds the one guy out there who is rather practical too and even scoffs at her with common sense. But no. She is to blind to see it and scorns his advice. Then as he fights off the wolves she has the know how to think to set fire to something and then pick up said burning object and hurl it at this guy just missing him . Then later as he makes the sacrifice to jump off the sled and is hanging from a cliff, she knows what a common tool she has never used before called a pick-axe and also ties a knot (a commoner trait) that doesn't come undone from the weight of a full grown male and hurls it at him almost hitting him again.
meanwhile Elsa is having her female empowerment moment song which is basically saying "@(&$ the people, @)*% the kingdom, I am doing what I want even if it freezes them to death."
The reunion goes about as well as a prescripted cut-scene in a game goes. She hits the one place the trolls say is fatal and fights off the angry mob led by prince charming who lets people come with him, who he know will kill Elsa for him. Everyone gets separated, the trolls say only an act of true love can save her.
Skipping obvious comic relief Jarjar Snowbinks who brings NOTHING to the story. She gets home after she starts to slowly freeze and low and behold macho-man betrays her, what a surprise, and walks off super smug because we need to hate him because he has no backstory and is just evil and wants to rule. So everything is gunning for this final showdown. The Evil guy tells her what she did to her sister, and she is shaken enough so he tries to kill her. But her sister, in her weakened state who just a scene ago was having trouble getting around in a room, runs up and saves the sister, who has been a real asshole all movie to her and conveniently freezes solid into ice. Ice so strong that a sword does not break, even though metal is harder but it would be, I dont know, to much character development to have a villain cut off a hand *Cough cough starwars.* nope, stops him, saves her, evil guy gets comeuppance and everyone just suddenly accepts the queen who almost left them Frozen after running off and almost killing her sister. Practical guy does not tell the girl with terrible judgement who just shipped her last boyfriend off, literally, and falls for her, because we have to have a happy ending before credits.
Thats it. No Real consequences for their actions, minimal character development, 1 Mary sue ice goddess (no other magic in this world other than the trolls), tons of overrated music and a even worst spin off mini-movie.
Now they are going to do Pete's Dragon: Eliot's Revengance this year. Disney, your last best seller was crap, lets be honest, it was a Disney princess empowerment musical and now you want to reboot a movie?
This movie is going to be forgotten just as fast Aladdin and the 40 thieves movie.
Think I am right? Think I am wrong? Tell me below and anything else you think.
Many movies over the years have been given great reviews, loved by the public, but are they really so great?
Lets go over a few of them.
Pinocchio: As we know, Disney has taken many of the old grim tales and trademarked them as their own, usually with a little plot change. the main problem is simple with this story, a completely dead piece of wood comes to life and then he sends it out into the world like its nothing. Its an easy one to miss. The rest of the story isnt bad, but its a little all over the place.
Lion King: Is Lion hamlet with some musical numbers and has a happy ending. This one has a lot of character growth, development It deals gracefully with just about every aspect on the list. Not any complaints aside from Scar never really had much backstory.
So here we have a great story and an alright story from long ago. Lets look at one of Disney's original attempts at something new.
oh also spoilers.
FROZEN...
Where do I start? The very beginning of the movie starts out with the ice cutting song. This song serves no purpose but to introduce a character (which isnt really needed) and a little cultural insertion (for a fantasy story.) After that we have the king come to the trolls for help. "Born with the power or cursed?" First line from the troll. So much promise. I mean curses are things Disney does, sleeping beauty did it well. Born with it? Oh well is this natural? Are there others with this power? Was there a reason for this cause? Nope, thats it. Backstory: 0. Elsa is just a lucky star who managed to posses the power of Iceman. But not really. Cause she can bring snow to life, Make clothes and makeup and most of all make a Disney style castle out of thin air with ice. Excuse me if I am not impressed with your Mary Sue Disney. So apparently trolls, magic and stuff are natural in this world. And so the troll waves his hand and rewrites her memories... yep just a thing in this world. Then Professor X Troll tells him that her powers are only going to grow and that you have to "CONTROL IT" or fear will be your undoing. So what does King daddy do? "Suppress your powers dear." Great parenting. "Also we dont have a tower or anything so we are just going to lock you in your room. WE arnt evil." I mean this parenting is so bad the only thing they did worst was die on their kids. Yeah I went there.
So fast forward BOTH girls have been locked in the castle. Elsa I will assume is in like solitary confinement. That doesn't cause mental problems at all. So we have one girl who is now filled with fear of losing control and an isolationist, and one that is dumber than pancake, but its cool cause she is totally adorkable. She knows nothing because she is sheltered and is pretty much a party girl. Again, these are the leaders of this doomed 'let them eat cake' kingdom. Nothing eventful happens until a girl falls for a pretty faced guy, who is perfect. She barely talks about any of his things but he does talk about being neglected by his brothers followed by "But I would never hit you baby." So obviously Elsa loses control and everyone knows now. Do people react surprised in this strangely magic-less kingdom in a fantasy world? Yes. Are the reactions over the top? yes. So she runs away and after endangering people and starting the next ice age what does her sister do? Stay and give blankets and help the populace because she is the only ruling monarch left? Nope gotta get my sister, here dude I met, Run my kingdom for me while I am away! And of course, because Disney wants to make his betrayal all the more shocking he has a sort of "dont leave me! be safe." face, instead of a smiling "Alright this is perfect face."
So a girl, who has been locked in a castle, who knows nothing about the kingdom, people or the wilderness, walks into the blizzard without supplies or worm clothes, and no map. She is dead and found later to be 'Frozen.' Roll credits.
But no. She miraculously finds the one guy out there who is rather practical too and even scoffs at her with common sense. But no. She is to blind to see it and scorns his advice. Then as he fights off the wolves she has the know how to think to set fire to something and then pick up said burning object and hurl it at this guy just missing him . Then later as he makes the sacrifice to jump off the sled and is hanging from a cliff, she knows what a common tool she has never used before called a pick-axe and also ties a knot (a commoner trait) that doesn't come undone from the weight of a full grown male and hurls it at him almost hitting him again.
meanwhile Elsa is having her female empowerment moment song which is basically saying "@(&$ the people, @)*% the kingdom, I am doing what I want even if it freezes them to death."
The reunion goes about as well as a prescripted cut-scene in a game goes. She hits the one place the trolls say is fatal and fights off the angry mob led by prince charming who lets people come with him, who he know will kill Elsa for him. Everyone gets separated, the trolls say only an act of true love can save her.
Skipping obvious comic relief Jarjar Snowbinks who brings NOTHING to the story. She gets home after she starts to slowly freeze and low and behold macho-man betrays her, what a surprise, and walks off super smug because we need to hate him because he has no backstory and is just evil and wants to rule. So everything is gunning for this final showdown. The Evil guy tells her what she did to her sister, and she is shaken enough so he tries to kill her. But her sister, in her weakened state who just a scene ago was having trouble getting around in a room, runs up and saves the sister, who has been a real asshole all movie to her and conveniently freezes solid into ice. Ice so strong that a sword does not break, even though metal is harder but it would be, I dont know, to much character development to have a villain cut off a hand *Cough cough starwars.* nope, stops him, saves her, evil guy gets comeuppance and everyone just suddenly accepts the queen who almost left them Frozen after running off and almost killing her sister. Practical guy does not tell the girl with terrible judgement who just shipped her last boyfriend off, literally, and falls for her, because we have to have a happy ending before credits.
Thats it. No Real consequences for their actions, minimal character development, 1 Mary sue ice goddess (no other magic in this world other than the trolls), tons of overrated music and a even worst spin off mini-movie.
Now they are going to do Pete's Dragon: Eliot's Revengance this year. Disney, your last best seller was crap, lets be honest, it was a Disney princess empowerment musical and now you want to reboot a movie?
This movie is going to be forgotten just as fast Aladdin and the 40 thieves movie.
Think I am right? Think I am wrong? Tell me below and anything else you think.
