FA+
Shop
Stuck in the fog
9 years ago
Probably not needed, some kind of a vent journal, whatever. I told myself I would not come to this extremity and deal with it on my own since it's not really a bad thing, but hey here it comes.
TL;DR: I have zero motivation right now. Nothing is working, and I haven't found the answer yet.
I am in complete disarray.
Not the temporary one lasting a few days after a big failure. It has been like this for a few weeks now. Probably since I came back from Thailand in July/August for my big vacation of the year.
I came back to work to know that due to a lack of projects for my current client, the contract between him and my company would have to end in four weeks. (For those who don't know, I am a contractor, which means my company has me working with the teams of a client since I have valuable engineering skills).
However, I did not expect my boss to propose me a contractual termination right off the bath. That's about making a deal together so they don't get to fill a TON of paperwork in order to justify me being unemployed.
Since I heard about it early enough, I began searching for new jobs. Got a few propositions and appointments, but nothing extraordinary. Meanwhile, I retracted from the contractual terminations as I was not getting enough compensation for the reduction of my departure time window (normally 3 months, and there I would have ended unemployed after 1 month without any kind of money to compensate).
The situation is in some kind of stalemate right now. It's been almost three weeks since I stopped working, and through vacation and inter-contract, I could stay at home all this time while getting paid. You guess I could have been doing stuff during that period?
That's the issue. I've been doing almost nothing.
I mean, I've done things. I went to a few appointments, visited my parents a couple of time, met with friends, went to the swimming pool once or twice. I even went to a music festival for one day.
But I just feel so bad because I did not get any motivation out of it. It's like I'm doing things but not enjoying them. It does not make me go forward anymore.
My sleeping schedule has become a complete mess, I barely eat everyday since I spend some days entirely in my room, watching the same videos over and over again and playing Overwatch and Deus Ex. UGH! COME ON! DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE FOR ONCE! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
This kind of mood has already happened in the past. I usually refer to it as 'being lost in the fog, with nothing in sight making me want to go there through hardwork and dedication'. And when I'm doing something not productive, at least I'm trying to get somewhere. Right now, I'm standing still and watching the same old grey everywhere.
I don't need to do something productive, I don't HAVE TO do something productive. I just need to find something that will get me going again. For now, I'm feeling like an empty shell walking around, barely keeping the appearances safe. Even Devil's recent masterpiece of one of my characters does not bring the spark inside of me to life T_T.
Well, I'm open to suggestions, since it's pretty much the meaning of this kind of journal, because right now, I don't seem to be able to find a solution on my own.
TL;DR: I have zero motivation right now. Nothing is working, and I haven't found the answer yet.
I am in complete disarray.
Not the temporary one lasting a few days after a big failure. It has been like this for a few weeks now. Probably since I came back from Thailand in July/August for my big vacation of the year.
I came back to work to know that due to a lack of projects for my current client, the contract between him and my company would have to end in four weeks. (For those who don't know, I am a contractor, which means my company has me working with the teams of a client since I have valuable engineering skills).
However, I did not expect my boss to propose me a contractual termination right off the bath. That's about making a deal together so they don't get to fill a TON of paperwork in order to justify me being unemployed.
Since I heard about it early enough, I began searching for new jobs. Got a few propositions and appointments, but nothing extraordinary. Meanwhile, I retracted from the contractual terminations as I was not getting enough compensation for the reduction of my departure time window (normally 3 months, and there I would have ended unemployed after 1 month without any kind of money to compensate).
The situation is in some kind of stalemate right now. It's been almost three weeks since I stopped working, and through vacation and inter-contract, I could stay at home all this time while getting paid. You guess I could have been doing stuff during that period?
That's the issue. I've been doing almost nothing.
I mean, I've done things. I went to a few appointments, visited my parents a couple of time, met with friends, went to the swimming pool once or twice. I even went to a music festival for one day.
But I just feel so bad because I did not get any motivation out of it. It's like I'm doing things but not enjoying them. It does not make me go forward anymore.
My sleeping schedule has become a complete mess, I barely eat everyday since I spend some days entirely in my room, watching the same videos over and over again and playing Overwatch and Deus Ex. UGH! COME ON! DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE FOR ONCE! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
This kind of mood has already happened in the past. I usually refer to it as 'being lost in the fog, with nothing in sight making me want to go there through hardwork and dedication'. And when I'm doing something not productive, at least I'm trying to get somewhere. Right now, I'm standing still and watching the same old grey everywhere.
I don't need to do something productive, I don't HAVE TO do something productive. I just need to find something that will get me going again. For now, I'm feeling like an empty shell walking around, barely keeping the appearances safe. Even Devil's recent masterpiece of one of my characters does not bring the spark inside of me to life T_T.
Well, I'm open to suggestions, since it's pretty much the meaning of this kind of journal, because right now, I don't seem to be able to find a solution on my own.
Also hope it gets better for you :)
Sadly, I gotta find someone to read them first. Zakerst has been busy lately.
Thanks for the comment. I also hope it'll get better in the next few days.
Personally I keep myself motivated by thinking what I want to bring to life with my skills and the chance to share that with the world.