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9 years ago
It decided to spike my lemonade with too much sugar.
In other words, the reason why I’ve not been seen posting art lately is because I’ve been horribly and terribly depressed for a week. Just last week I was diagnosed with Onset Diabetes (type 2).
And while many say “You’ll be fine” “It’s manageable” “get over it things will be okay”, my brain doesn’t function like that. I was fighting myself to accept that this is my life now. I’m still struggling to understand that this is what path I took. And it was my own fault for taking this path. So I’m trying to slow down, and if I can, start walking backwards to reverse it.
Diabetes runs in my family quite well. Many people have it. Mom was diagnosed it last year and she’s struggling to maintain it. While my family is being “supportive” about this new found discovery, I’m not accepting of it. Probably because my sister keeps rubbing the whole “You need to get over it, you don’t have cancer” and my mom being “stop being a bitch and get over it”. I don’t fucking care who you are, trying to play that sort of competitive game of “who got it worse” is going to piss me off. It sucks in general, regardless of what one has illness-wise. So instead of being more upset about it... I decided to flip the finger at them. I changed my diet, removed 95% sugars in my foods and drink.
While it took Mom a year to drop it by 100 (She’s still within 200-300 range), I was able to drop mine within a week in the acceptable range of blood glucose levels. Meaning, I was at 167 last week. Within five days, I dropped it to being 102 and trying to maintain it there (But every now and then slip to 120 region due to adjusting sodium levels). I know I can manage it with dieting and exercising.
It’s the depression that keeps me from functioning mentally. I’ve been doing as much overtime just to forget my woes, my thoughts on it because if it kept haunting me, it would control my day. I would sleep the day away. I would care less about everything around me. I was losing my appetite and was getting lethargic about it. So work helped immensely on avoiding the depression.
Surely, it’s starting to fade and I’m getting used to the fact that I’m diabetic. Granted, I get easily frustrated each time I get hungry because I’m trying to find ways to enjoy meals I enjoy now and then, but in smaller portions and diabetic friendly with no aftertaste (Like diet soda. Fuck that shit).
I’m still struggling, don’t get me wrong, with my mind on it, but it’s much easier. Fuck you, Depression. Fuck you, Diabetes. I don’t have time for your shit. I have art to complete. A life to make of my own. And I’m not going to have any of it.
I’m strong and I will persevere.
In other words, the reason why I’ve not been seen posting art lately is because I’ve been horribly and terribly depressed for a week. Just last week I was diagnosed with Onset Diabetes (type 2).
And while many say “You’ll be fine” “It’s manageable” “get over it things will be okay”, my brain doesn’t function like that. I was fighting myself to accept that this is my life now. I’m still struggling to understand that this is what path I took. And it was my own fault for taking this path. So I’m trying to slow down, and if I can, start walking backwards to reverse it.
Diabetes runs in my family quite well. Many people have it. Mom was diagnosed it last year and she’s struggling to maintain it. While my family is being “supportive” about this new found discovery, I’m not accepting of it. Probably because my sister keeps rubbing the whole “You need to get over it, you don’t have cancer” and my mom being “stop being a bitch and get over it”. I don’t fucking care who you are, trying to play that sort of competitive game of “who got it worse” is going to piss me off. It sucks in general, regardless of what one has illness-wise. So instead of being more upset about it... I decided to flip the finger at them. I changed my diet, removed 95% sugars in my foods and drink.
While it took Mom a year to drop it by 100 (She’s still within 200-300 range), I was able to drop mine within a week in the acceptable range of blood glucose levels. Meaning, I was at 167 last week. Within five days, I dropped it to being 102 and trying to maintain it there (But every now and then slip to 120 region due to adjusting sodium levels). I know I can manage it with dieting and exercising.
It’s the depression that keeps me from functioning mentally. I’ve been doing as much overtime just to forget my woes, my thoughts on it because if it kept haunting me, it would control my day. I would sleep the day away. I would care less about everything around me. I was losing my appetite and was getting lethargic about it. So work helped immensely on avoiding the depression.
Surely, it’s starting to fade and I’m getting used to the fact that I’m diabetic. Granted, I get easily frustrated each time I get hungry because I’m trying to find ways to enjoy meals I enjoy now and then, but in smaller portions and diabetic friendly with no aftertaste (Like diet soda. Fuck that shit).
I’m still struggling, don’t get me wrong, with my mind on it, but it’s much easier. Fuck you, Depression. Fuck you, Diabetes. I don’t have time for your shit. I have art to complete. A life to make of my own. And I’m not going to have any of it.
I’m strong and I will persevere.
On top of the depression, that is a heavy load to have weighing down on ones shoulders. No it's not cancer but it still can be a hard thing to deal with, even when you've been around people with it, and know about it. Just take it one step at a time and don't let the family add more to the weight of what is already on your mind.
You are already looking at it optimistically and taking the necessary steps to combat your diabetes.
I certainly wish you the best of luck, cause just as you said- you ARE strong and you WILL persevere.
You always do.