Hey there, everyone. It's been another while since I vanished from the internet, but I'm finally back again, a little bit stronger and with a different point of view on things.

First off, I think I owe everyone, especially my commissioners, a HUGE apology for my disappearance. I've already finished most of my current commissions now, and after I post this journal I'll be getting in touch with those commissioners whose work I've finished now. For some of my commissioners I plan to give a refund as well, one in particular whom I've kept waiting for WAAY too long on their comic TF sequence.

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Okay, let's start with the basics. A few months back, I had a mental breakdown and had to leave the internet for a while.

I was hanging on for a good while, but (as I'm sure some of my friends already knew) I was under a lot of stress and frustration, both online and irl...a lot of which, in retrospect, was partly because of my unwillingness to make a decision on certain things and people, and also because of my frustration with my own slow development as an artist. On that note, I guess I kinda reached the peak of my skill doing what I was doing, so it took something a lot more drastic to improve beyond that point. So much time spent obsessing over editting and re-editting my art, it's all too easy to get too wrapped up in your current imperfections.

Plus, my self-imposed obsession with trying to make everyone happy with art only succeeded in making me frustrated instead.

In any case, everything kinda wore me down over time, and then a event irl involving a family issue finally broke me. Again, I apologize for it, but I just couldn't bring myself to be online for a bit. And as much as I hate to admit it, I was a bit of a suicide risk as well for a while, and I ended up having to talk with some people and learn some meditation techniques to start getting that cleared up.

I've told people this before, but I've had serious anxiety issues for the longest time, and those issues have recently made it painfully difficult for me to function in public without getting irrationally nervous, stiff, and just plain terrified of being around other people. And I'm still not on medication yet, but hopefully that'll change soon. Of course, I don't like talking publicly about things like this, partly because I don't want people to worry about me. And partly because I genuinely liked the idea of being a more positive force in our small community.

I'm doing much better now, but I've been sort of afraid to get back online for the past few weeks to be honest. I know that there's a lot of disappointed people that I have to apologize to, and again, a few commissions that I need to get through. I'm not proud to admit that there are a few super late commissions that I'll definitely finish and give refunds for as well, just because of how long it's taken me to finish them.

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As a disclaimer, I'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me. In fact, I really don't want them to. To be honest, I admit that I've found myself wanting people to feel sorry for me in the past...but now I kinda realize that that's just reinforcing the weaknesses and the escapist attitude that led to my breakdown in the first place. I want to be stronger than that, and I want to draw and talk with friends and make others happy as well.

But...I don't want to overwhelm myself with stress and drama and an overlong work list anymore. So, I'll likely be laying off on gift art for the most part for the time being. Moreover, I'm STILL planning to finish that Christmas raffle group TF pic (Again, I'm So sorry about the delay with that...), and until that and my other overdue projects are done, I'll be canceling this year's End of Year Raffle celebration. Sorry, but I want to have EVERYTHING caught up before the end of the year, so for the most part I'll only be taking on my own ideas and commissions for the time being.

And since I owe a few people refunds, I'll be taking most of the money I make from upcoming commissions and putting it towards giving those people their money back. I've also applied for a job very recently and finished the interview a few days ago, so if I get that job I may be able to pay back those commissioners even sooner.

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That said, not everything's grim and somber, as I have a nice chunk of art to post! It's mostly just finished commissions and work done while I was obsessively training my skills, but there's deifnitely plenty to see though. I've even started work on some game ideas as well, so we'll see how that develops over time! So, things are slowly getting back on track, I'm feeling stronger and I'm working on a lot of things that I think everyone will be happy to see.

I really hope everyone has been doing well, and while I'm extremely sorry for having to leave, I'm several times more happy to finally be back now. ^_^