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Depression fucking sucks...
9 years ago
Bad mental health is a bitch ain't it?
I suffer with depression and some anxiety. It's the depression that's the real kicker though. I have no idea really how it works but I know that, with me at least, it comes in waves. For a while I can be really positive and enthusiastic. I'll be super productive and get loads of art done and some videos too. Drawing is usually how I vent how I'm feeling and it makes me feel good.
However, when I can't do it, it makes me feel worse. And, at a certain point (like this), I've sunk so far that I don't even care enough to feel sad that I can't draw any more.
Recently I attempted to get some drawing done. I have a very close friend who knows a thing or two about depression. (I've got a doodle of him in my scraps... https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19271655/ ). He hasn't left my side now for 3 solid weeks, looking after me, watching TV with me (The Great British Bake Off was fun last night. Ha ha) and also singing for me which is... ah... a new thing O_O So, anywho, I was feeling better about things so I decided that I wanted to just draw a little picture of him. 3 pages of scribbled out doodles later and I'm so fucking frustrated with myself that I... threw up. Legit went and hurled in the ladies' loos at work.
THIS is why nobody sees anything from me for weeks, sometimes MONTHS at a time! This is why I'll never be a big Youtuber because I just don't have the capabilities to hold down a schedule (try as I might). This is why I'm looking at my art folder for this year in dismay because I've achieved next to bugger all!
Having depression FUCKING SUCKS and I wish I didn't have it. :'(
I suffer with depression and some anxiety. It's the depression that's the real kicker though. I have no idea really how it works but I know that, with me at least, it comes in waves. For a while I can be really positive and enthusiastic. I'll be super productive and get loads of art done and some videos too. Drawing is usually how I vent how I'm feeling and it makes me feel good.
However, when I can't do it, it makes me feel worse. And, at a certain point (like this), I've sunk so far that I don't even care enough to feel sad that I can't draw any more.
Recently I attempted to get some drawing done. I have a very close friend who knows a thing or two about depression. (I've got a doodle of him in my scraps... https://www.furaffinity.net/view/19271655/ ). He hasn't left my side now for 3 solid weeks, looking after me, watching TV with me (The Great British Bake Off was fun last night. Ha ha) and also singing for me which is... ah... a new thing O_O So, anywho, I was feeling better about things so I decided that I wanted to just draw a little picture of him. 3 pages of scribbled out doodles later and I'm so fucking frustrated with myself that I... threw up. Legit went and hurled in the ladies' loos at work.
THIS is why nobody sees anything from me for weeks, sometimes MONTHS at a time! This is why I'll never be a big Youtuber because I just don't have the capabilities to hold down a schedule (try as I might). This is why I'm looking at my art folder for this year in dismay because I've achieved next to bugger all!
Having depression FUCKING SUCKS and I wish I didn't have it. :'(
trainman142
!trainman142
Believe me, I've been there. Perhaps even worse than you due to my very long and complex history with abuse. But please, believe me when I say that there's a way out, and you will most certainly not feel this moody forever. Just take some time each day to relax and not worry about things. Don't try too hard though, I tried it and that tripped me up the first few times. Hope this helps some! *hugs*
