I could make this a long, angsty depressing Journal, but I'm not. I'm only putting it here to say "I acknowledge this happened and its time to re-focus and move on". That's all I'm looking for really, closure and to acknowledge the change. I'm not going to point fingers or blame at anyone other then myself.

Since Spring of this year, my Relationship live has been very rocky.  faelyncypher and I broke up in May, and I feel no reason to say more then that nor go into the details. I will say it wasn't an abusive "I never want to see you again" type of breakup and we have resolved it to the point we can still remain Friends.

Following that, I had a crush on someone else in the Furry Fandom. I'm not going to say who it is, because I don't need Drama here. I chased her for a few months; became friends with her friends, and spent a LOT of time with her over this summer, only to in the end get rejected, and burned out of some money I am not asking for nor expecting to get back. I'm just moving on...

But, that isn't the end of the story. Right after that fell apart, I met someone on the same Online dating site. We seemed to have a lot of common and at first she really seemed to like me. She even kissed me, on the lips, which has only happened with one other gal before. She went to our Fall Picnic and seemed to have a really good time and was on the verge of "converting" to become a furry, though I have a hunch now she was only doing that to make me happy.

She Dumped me this Sat as I was on a trip up North with friends. I did see it coming though, for two reasons: One she was... how do I put it... a lot more "open minded" about certain things then I was. And Two, which I really consider it to be the dealbreaker and I know it... I honestly wasn't over the gal I had a crush on this summer... nor was I fully prepared to comit after failing that commitment earlier this year with my only long term relationship I've had.

In short, I'm not ready for another relationship; and it shows. Unless the conditions were absolutely perfect IE Star Crossed Lovers, I'm going to be a really tough guy to be someone's BF for right now, I'm still kinda a mess. There are a lot of things I need to work on personally before I can really attempt looking for another date. I'm really not Dateable material right now. In a year or two, maybe.

But, there is some light to all of this, unrelated but related at the same time. This year I have also done something that is extremely hard as an Adult to do and that is make new friends. Before this year, my pool of new friends stagnated. I wasn't able to "hang out" as often as I had only a small pool of people I could call on to talk with and do stuff with. That's starting to change.

As I mentioned before, I was up North on a Weekend trip with some local friends, all of whom I've known for at the longest two years. I really enjoyed this weekend. In addition, earlier this week I met three new friends and played board and card games after work. I haven't opened up to new people as much as I did that night for a REALLY long time. It felt really, really good.

So with life you get your bumps and bruises, just like the really annoying bruise I have on my pinky toe right now from getting the nail caught in my jean's pant leg earlier this morning... (Walking kinda sucks right now..)

But, you also have opportunities, and I realize this now. You rarely get second chances on these opportunities either if you let them pass by.

My fluxx of Relationship issues over the last year made me a little jaded. And when it happened, I never took it out on my partner or interest, the stress got directed at my friends and the communities I help support. It's easy to say "Friend Drama and People I'm working with Drama" is making me grumpy, but in truth a LOT of that was me just re-directing relationship Drama, which is of course wrong.

So for those who have dealt with me being very pessimistic over the last few months, well now you know the real reason I was so pissy. Thank you for being patient with me. A few people were not so patient during this period... and I burnt a few bridges; but at the same time...

I built new bridges with new people and that feels really good. It helped me through a VERY rough and difficult time in life. New friends combined with friends I've had for years who were patient with me during all of this pulled me through this dark chapter, which I feel very relieved to say, is now CLOSED.

So yeah, I'm going back to being a Bachelor for the foreseeable future, but I want to live that life for a little while. Take my break from it all. I'm going to shut the relationship door but I'm not going to lock it and throw away the key. I'm going to acknowledge that someday, the door could be re-opened.

But for now, I'm going to focus on trying to be the "Friend of Many" instead of the "Love interest of One".

Yes there is going to be times where it will be really tough. I miss cuddling, I really do. And I am not the type of person that will Cuddle with ANYONE. There needs to be a bond there, yes we need to be dating before I feel comfortable getting to that level of intimacy.

I'll still have my fair share of Head Turns if I see someone who is attractive to me at a convention or walking down the street; because I'm Straight, not Asexual. I still have an attraction to a certain type, and its not something I can just fully switch "off" as much as I wish I could do some times...

The Edge will still be there. Any #NationalI'mThankfulIhaveARelationshipandSinglePeopleCanSuckIt days on Twitter still sting quite a bit when they come up. Valentines day will still be "Tommorow is cheap candy day".

But I have a good group of Friends that I have not been grateful enough for, and that needs to change. I need to do more hanging out, and less time sighing to myself while flipping through dating sites on my phone. The more I am active doing things socially with friends, the less of an "Edge" I will have to burn off that I am still single.