Don't worry about "being mean" because you're absolutely not being mean at all. The best you can do about this all is to do the same thing you've been doing, politely decline requests you're uncomfortable with, let them know not to ask you for certain things (irl is a big no no to prod) and record every conversation that they get out of hand with. And don't be afraid to block someone if they want to make a huge public deal over a private conversation.

I'm sorry you're stuck dealing with this stuff, it's never fun to handle; and if you've got anymore questions do not hesitate to ask, please. I hate seeing folks get caught in this junk.

I kinda understand where you're coming from. This is definately a touchy area thats hard to figure out without hurting feelings.

Mine isnt the only right answer, but the best way to put it is like being acquaintances, people who get along and just enjoy your art and are nice people. As much as we would want to, it's definately hard to make friends with absolutely everyone or else it would get overwhelming.

This isn't about being like "Oh they're being cliquish cause they're popufur." It's more about we're being friends with who we get along well with like having things in common, exchanging a good conversation like exchanging a tennis ball back and forth across a tennis court.

the best thing I'd probably say is if they get too personal its better to tell the truth about it cause if you let it build then they'll get more upset. but at least let them know. you probably should also clean out your friends list so they dont keep joining you.

It is tough to deal with and its not fun to see this stuff happen :c

WalkiTalki also brought up some good points, hopefully this helps

My boyfriend says:
Just ignore them

But since you remind me a lot of me for being worried about it, by advice is thus:
I'm not super popular or anything - I'm a decentishly well known artist, but not big by any means. You don't need to be popular to run into people who are being intrusive or creepy (whether they mean to be or not). I've also had issues like this, and I think the problem is when you're very open to your commenters and watchers, there will always be people who take knowing you online as being your good friends and feeling entitled to be closer. They don't do it to be malicious, because they feel like they do know you and like what they see, so they want to be part of your life. Comments are lovely, interactions with watchers and people online are fun! Art is about sharing and community here, so it can seem daunting to set boundaries. And I'm sure many of them are lovely people and would be great friends, and knowing they're very real people out in real life makes it feel SO hard to be assertive.

But being assertive is not being mean. What you can do is just say "I'm really glad you appreciate my art and your support means a lot to me!" when people ask for invites or your skype or telegram, or to join your games. You can answer their questions by not answering them if it's a longer message of how are you's and then an asking at the end. But if people aren't getting the hint, just tell them. Say I'm not comfortable with sharing that information, or that it's for close friends, etc, and reinforce that they're happy they like your art. There's this misnomer (especially with us women) that being assertive means you're a bitch or are rude. And that's not true, though unfortunately society likes to portray that. It's something I struggle with a lot as well, so I definitely sympathize.

There will always be people who are offended, and that's unfortunately something you have to deal with. If they get that bad, ignore them. Report them on whatever media if it's malicious or a callout and they don't allow that on that site. If you're worried about business and not addressing it, just explain it and take a screenshot so they can't lie about it. Make it a public, simple statement and block the person. DO NOT ENGAGE IN ARGUING because it causes drama and normally only makes it worse. Address it, move on.

The best way is to just put your foot down. Don't be apologetic, don't tiptoe around it. Tell them you're glad they like your art, but these things/this information/these events are for close friends and put your foot down. You aren't mean for it! People sometimes just don't understand boundaries, especially on a site/fandom that is known for being so open. But that doesn't mean you need to feel embarrassed or bad for telling people firmly and nicely to stop.

edit: Also, if you have any information anywhere that's public (like your skype, telegram, or usernames for gaming platforms, just remove them and don't accept random invites). That's what I started doing and it really cut down on the amounts of times I felt put off or uncomfortable with having to tell people no.

Well I'm not popular in anyway shape or form but I can see how this is bad situation. Naturally I'm a friendly guy like how you're a friendly lass. So one I say remove ALL private chatting info like how nameless Imp said up above. But I think the best way is to just be polite about it. Like the whole gaming thing just say "hey sorry but this is sorta of a private game sorry about that"

What I've had to do is just tell them ahead of time that I am really bad at making friends or that I'm just not interested. This is mainly when people ask for my skype, telegram, steam, etc., when they're not commissioning me or if they try to strike up a conversation outside of the commission. I feel really REALLY bad for doing this, especially whenever someone appears to be new to the community.

That said, a couple of my best online friends have come from them just commissioning me a bunch.

I recently dealt with a commissioner/fan here on FA that was way too clingy, too fast. He also would chat like we were bffs and that we were friends for years, I saved his life, basically worship me, etc. He would send me notes, sometimes 7-10 a day telling me everything about his life. He then started messaging me on Steam, my facebook fan page, my youtube page (which is not for business). It got too creepy. I gave him multiple warnings that he was getting too personal and to back off or i'd have to block him. I warned him multiple times and it just came down to it I had to block him. I don't like being the bad guy either, believe me, and I am happy people enjoy my work. But when it comes down to constant messages to a point of harassment, begging and stalking, thats where I draw a line.

I do see him still talking about me to his friends in shouts here on FA and even had a fursona made that has similar colors to mine, but if anyone would ever want the real story, they can PM me; most who follow or know me know im as sweet as pie, but I also dont tolerate being harassed and stalked to a point of not wanting to log into FA every day, which is my place of business.

Artists and their audience can have a curious relation. On sites like this you can end up learning quite a bit about someone just due to their journals and reports of what's going on in their life that are mentioned in their picture descriptions, all while being totally unknown to the person sharing the information. Sort of a one-way connection which not all on the audience side appreciate, especially given some of the genuinely "not quite right" folks you can see here and there on the site.

On the flipside I made quite a good friend in one chap I commissioned, but then he initiated the contact and likes to use being commissioned as an opportunity to meet new people

I've made lots of online friends too! : ) But that stuff kind of naturally develops between us, not with constant message spamming, sudden gift giving, unwarranted rp... etc. To be honest I just wanna be treated like a human, not something to flirt with or someone who just farts out art, yknow? The amount of people calling me pet names and wanting more out of me without trying to get to know me first is quickly becoming uncomfortable...

like there are times where commissioners and clients click, and there are moments where they just don't. And you can't really force that when it doesn't

I can't help but think of Misery by Stephen King (the film adaptation is very well-regarded, but it's not comfortable viewing!) I've noticed various popular artists who draw naughty stuff who have notices in their profile about not being into RP, and suchlike. So I wonder if attracting similar people can be an issue for them as well.

I guess you can try putting on your most plain and tactful hat and tell the people in question your feelings on the matter. Perhaps some of them are a touch oblivious or generally a bit lacking in self-awareness. Someone I watch had a bit of an issue with a particular guy who didn't seem quite all there in the head replying with samey comments on every new piece, but having this pointed out to them managed to get the point across and caused them to shush.

I can offer some perspective as someone who's been on both ends of this problem.

I find that a lot of artists fall into the trap of accepting invites from random fans when they feel alone. In that situation, the artist becomes vulnerable enough to talk about their personal problems to the fans they added on instant messengers. This gives the fan a false sense of, "This person must really trust me if they're reaching out to me like this. That must mean we're friends!" It then becomes this really awkward "Papyrus-y" situation where the fan you confided in assumes they're BFFs with you now. In comes the constant messages and lack of personal space, and the rest you're familiar with by now.

As for how to deal with that, the first thing is to be careful not to confide in people you barely know. When you find yourself feeling vulnerable, it's better to confide in close friends instead. As for how to turn down those who want to get closer, be firm in your resolve to say, "I appreciate your kindness, but you're getting too involved in my personal affairs." That way it's clear that you're not brushing them off, it's just that you need to be alone. Some people (such as myself) also get way too wrapped up in helping others. In that case, just tell them they've done their part and that you don't need their help anymore.

The rest is just common sense on the fan's part. It's up to them to understand and respect your personal boundaries. There's no need to be apologetic about that.

I'm not a popular artist, but I am a socially awkward person (diagnosed Asperger's syndrome).

I would say that if you feel *unsafe*, block, ignore, run away, you don't owe anybody ANYTHING and anyone who thinks that they are entitled to your attention has a problem. The problem is not with you.

If you feel *uncomfortable*, it might be useful to tell the person very directly, "Whether you intend to or not, you are making me uncomfortable. Please do not do [X] any more." If they run off to badmouth you everywhere, again, the problem is with them, and not you. Block the living daylights out of them in whatever way you can and turn away. A cool person would be like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" and back off.

You might be able to redirect the gift-givers to something online-only, such as a paypal tip jar... If someone is just trying to be nice, they'll understand that asking for an address can potentially be an invasion of privacy, and will scale back to something that involves no personal info, like tipping you with paypal or making you giftart or something. And of course, if you don't want gifts you always have the right to refuse them!