hey guys, wow ive missed you

Ive just been so unsure, i guess. But I really need to talk to you guys cause I have been both avoiding and dreadfully missing this place all at once. And im stuck.

To the lovely ones who stick around here even though i'm doo doo:

You know, I went back and looked at the comments on some of these submissions, in this "new" gallery. There are more than I thought, and I just feel so disrespecful, you guys not only take the time to view my work (despite my running around, or absence) but also you leave such wonderful comments. And yet I leave so many of them unanswered. It's not because I don't read them, or that i am ungrateful. I panic , take too long to reply, end up not replying at all because it's been too long and it's now irrelevent, BLAH.
This has been a problem since elementary. I remember because my dad would have to publicly (verbally) correct me every time I crumbled under someone's praise, because it really is just rude. Instead of having a little panic attack and mumbling "Oh, no, it's nothing really", "It wasnt much", "It's not a big deal" Why can't I just say thank you, I either feel like I don't deserve it or it's not enough to just say thanks. And i'm not a shy person either, I don't do well in large crowds maybe, but other than that im pretty open and straight forward. (At least I think so? Haha) So I don't know where this strange behavior comes from.
Anyways, I haven't done nearly enough to improve on it so for that I am sorry, I could at least say thank you rather than nothing at all.

Regarding Commissions:

(TLDR: Im going to take a few new commissions this November, I don't know when exactly because I am also in the middle of moving. So if youre interested, check for a journal every once in a while. Like i said last time, when i'm ready to take commissions I will first make an informative journal to give people some time to decide if they want one or not. Then later I will actually start accepting them, maybe one or two at a time to start.)

I need to take commissions. I NEED to. I can't now because of a couple old ones still need to be finished and I want to start on a clean slate. But my usual warehouse work is out of season now. And I have bills to pay, not a whole lot, but it needs to be paid no less, and it's accumulating. But this is not just about paying bills, Ive been able to do some serious thinking while ive been away. I want to make art my profession. I want to be able to draw/create things for people and myself full time, I absolutely must. However, I have wasted so much time not doing commissions, not practicing, that I worry it might be getting too late. It's a dream I previously thought to be unattainable by me. I would have to be able to comfortably pay for an apartment/food/gas/car/insurance/phone/etc. all that good stuff by myself, off art alone. It just seems so impossible. But it's getting to the point where I know that even if I fail miserably, I will regret it the rest of my life if I dont genuinely try to make it come true.

It's been so long since ive taken regular commissions, so long that i'm hesitant to go back into it. But it's a necessary step if i want to make anything of myself, and i really enjoy it once i get in the flow anyway. It's SUCH great practice. Im still a bit art blocked with these couple of old commissions, so that's why it's taking so long. But im working hard to improve as well. The more comfortable I become with my skill, the more commissions I can take, which results in more options and price ranges you guys have to work with. I want to be able to have more frequent cheaper options that still provide good quality art. I want to animate! And draw full pictures, and comics too. I want to share it all with you guys, It's just going to take a lot of consistent work. Even now as i type this im still unsure of myself, who knows if ill be able to do any of that, but i cant just keep waiting for myself to become sure. SO here's to trying!
I'm going to shoot for November, maybe if I give myself a deadline I can get over the artblock with these old commissions.


ANYWAYS, ENOUGH WITH THE WORDS. I'd be really surprised if anyone actually read all of that hahaha
BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST, SIGH
Thanks again guys, for checking this out, and for not giving up on me!! It'll be a slow start, but i have a lot in mind for you guys, have a great night //smooch your cheek