On unicorns, self-identity, and the bad side of power play
9 years ago
...So lately I've been feeling increasingly frustrated.
And unfortunately when I get frustrated I often don't know the root cause. That adds to the frustration! It's like a mystery to solve. I know that something's wrong, something's not satisfying me... but not sure exactly what. But sometimes writing about it helps. So this will be an investigative journal as well as an FYI journal, as I try to figure this out for myself.
But, first and foremost, I've been experiencing certain anxieties about Inorog.
In particular about how people perceive him. When I initially created Ino I wanted to give him the presence of a strong warrior. A champion gladiator. An intimidating force to be reckoned with. However, I feel like he's not seen that way. All too often I try to stress his martial prowess, either through comments here, on twitter, in RPs with friends, or on livestreams, and I'm greeted with responses making light of him, pointing out the numerous times he's been fucked, the times he's been tied up, spanked, or otherwise taken advantage of. It was never my intention when commissioning art to make Inorog seem like less of a man, or an incompetent fighter, but I feel like that's often how he's regarded.
(In fact, any time he does get dominated I typically stress his strength beforehand--because that makes it hotter for me. A strong guy being punished is sexy, while the punishment of one who's weak is... well, there's no fun in that for me)
I admit it's a trap of my own making. I love role-reversal, and the strong, gruff Inorog is the perfect candidate for it. I love submission of men who don't necessarily know they're submissive--such as when Inorog is often turned on by his captivities. My gallery is littered with examples of such instances. I also love mixing the hyper-masculine qualities of the "manicorn" with the typically-feminine aspects of the unicorn. It allows me to make fun of both as I see fit! However, some see my comments without context and assume I'm mocking his masculinity in particular, rather than toxic masculinity (or femininity) in general. I like to make jokes at my characters' expense because I like to laugh at myself. And sometimes my sense of whimsy runs away with me.
But lately... I feel like it's been getting to be too much. The jokes have started taking on a hurtful tone in my mind--despite knowing it's not the giver's intent--and I'm unsure now how to fix it. Mostly I worry that Inorog is becoming a joke himself.
Not sure why I feel this way about him in particular. Inorog's hardly the first guy I've had who got raped often. Take Slake for instance. But I think the difference is that Slake and the oni were always just characters. I always made sure to stress that they weren't me. Captain Foo, Tank, Argus, etc... those guys are all just guys I made up. Part of me is imbued in all of them, but they don't represent myself as a person. Inorog though... somewhere alone the line he became different. People call me by his name now. I'm known as 'Manicorn' on twitter and use his likeness for my avatar. He's me on telegram, too. People talk to me as if I'm him, and I answer in-character without thinking twice. People see Inorog and associate him with me. They see him as me. He is my... how do you say... fursona?
The concept of fursona has always been super strange to me--this idealized fantasy self in anthropomorphic animal form. I used to pride myself on not having one. I never felt the need to anthropomorphize myself. I thought I was just fine the way I was. Or maybe I just didn't like myself enough to want to anthropomorphize in the first place.
But, if I had to have a 'fursona'... I'm glad it's him, even if we're not really anything alike.
Because you see, I fucking love Inorog. Everyone who knows me is aware of this. I love his concept. I love his character and overblown personality. I love the hilarious, dumb, piercing way he sees the world. I love that he's mine. I am all over my own character 24/7 in the most narcissistic way possible, and I don't care. Inorog is astoundingly great and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.
But that might be the problem. I've become too attached. And moreover, I'm starting to see him as an extension of myself too. So when all these little insults pile up, all these little defeats and moments of weakness and defilements happen... I feel like it's not just happening to Inorog, but to me too. And I used to get off on that. It fed my exhibitionist streak. It was a way to display my sexuality without displaying myself, using Inorog as my stand-in. And I think I do still get off on it. It's just, like I said before...
It's just been getting to be a bit too much.
The worst part is, I've increasingly been feeling, for lack of a better word, bullied, even when it's at the hands of close friends--just because it feels like a non-stop torrent. Everyone knows my kinks. Everyone knows my turn-ons. And they use them against me more or less ruthlessly. And this feels like such a dumb thing to complain about, right? "Oh boohoo, my friends like to turn me on because they know what I like." But, well, one of the big kinks is power-play. And the kind of power-play I unabashedly have enjoyed best up to this point is the kind where dominants battle for control. Where the winner takes all, and the loser is nothing but a bitch made to service him. Where 'submissive' is the ultimate insult. And, all too often in contests like that, I let Inorog lose. Because, y'know, he's a hot loser. But then when you factor in that more and more I've been seeing Inorog as kinda-sorta-myself... and that there's carte blanche to inflict debasement on him...
Do you kinda see where I'm going with this?
The nature of domination and submission is a fascinating one to me, and one I enjoy exploring. But it's different when it's with characters of mine versus reflecting on me personally. And with people--strangers--making assumptions on what I enjoy based on what I've allowed Inorog to do. Rather than delight in his downfall like I always did before, now I feel sleazy after a session, or worse, empty.
The last few weeks in particular it just got really heavy. And I think a large factor is also the fact I've been overworked for months prior to this. I get only one day off a week, and that's usually spent desperately trying to make time with my first ever boyfriend, or working on podcast stuff (Dudes Spankin' Dudes hit its fourth episode recently!) I haven't had any time to myself to rest, to recover, for... ages. And that's put me under a great deal of stress which has added to these negative feelings.
Another likely possibility is that my sexuality has taken a turn towards more 'dominant' lately, but I've been too exhausted to properly dominate anybody. Which, again, leads to mental frustration.
Power play is great, but there's naturally a line between fantasy and reality, and between roleplay and reality. Lately, with me, I feel like the lines have been getting merged. And it's no one's fault but my own, really. But I think I need to step back for a bit. To get my head screwed back on straight. It's been bad enough that negotiating who tops and who bottoms in commissions with friends have stressed me out to actual panic attacks. Unhealthy!
What does this mean for you guys? Probably not a lot. I'm not really asking you to behave any differently. But just... go a little easy on me for a bit, eh? I don't have the strength right now to fight anybody. Rather than the host of sexy enemies and shit-talking rivals I've amassed for myself, for just a little bit... I need friends instead.
If you got down this far, then thanks. I realize I ramble a lot. Like I said, I'm trying to figure this out myself.
How do you guys feel? Do you see Inorog as a joke? Has anyone else ever experienced getting 'too close' to one of their characters? Do you have any advice or solutions?
And unfortunately when I get frustrated I often don't know the root cause. That adds to the frustration! It's like a mystery to solve. I know that something's wrong, something's not satisfying me... but not sure exactly what. But sometimes writing about it helps. So this will be an investigative journal as well as an FYI journal, as I try to figure this out for myself.
But, first and foremost, I've been experiencing certain anxieties about Inorog.
In particular about how people perceive him. When I initially created Ino I wanted to give him the presence of a strong warrior. A champion gladiator. An intimidating force to be reckoned with. However, I feel like he's not seen that way. All too often I try to stress his martial prowess, either through comments here, on twitter, in RPs with friends, or on livestreams, and I'm greeted with responses making light of him, pointing out the numerous times he's been fucked, the times he's been tied up, spanked, or otherwise taken advantage of. It was never my intention when commissioning art to make Inorog seem like less of a man, or an incompetent fighter, but I feel like that's often how he's regarded.
(In fact, any time he does get dominated I typically stress his strength beforehand--because that makes it hotter for me. A strong guy being punished is sexy, while the punishment of one who's weak is... well, there's no fun in that for me)
I admit it's a trap of my own making. I love role-reversal, and the strong, gruff Inorog is the perfect candidate for it. I love submission of men who don't necessarily know they're submissive--such as when Inorog is often turned on by his captivities. My gallery is littered with examples of such instances. I also love mixing the hyper-masculine qualities of the "manicorn" with the typically-feminine aspects of the unicorn. It allows me to make fun of both as I see fit! However, some see my comments without context and assume I'm mocking his masculinity in particular, rather than toxic masculinity (or femininity) in general. I like to make jokes at my characters' expense because I like to laugh at myself. And sometimes my sense of whimsy runs away with me.
But lately... I feel like it's been getting to be too much. The jokes have started taking on a hurtful tone in my mind--despite knowing it's not the giver's intent--and I'm unsure now how to fix it. Mostly I worry that Inorog is becoming a joke himself.
Not sure why I feel this way about him in particular. Inorog's hardly the first guy I've had who got raped often. Take Slake for instance. But I think the difference is that Slake and the oni were always just characters. I always made sure to stress that they weren't me. Captain Foo, Tank, Argus, etc... those guys are all just guys I made up. Part of me is imbued in all of them, but they don't represent myself as a person. Inorog though... somewhere alone the line he became different. People call me by his name now. I'm known as 'Manicorn' on twitter and use his likeness for my avatar. He's me on telegram, too. People talk to me as if I'm him, and I answer in-character without thinking twice. People see Inorog and associate him with me. They see him as me. He is my... how do you say... fursona?
The concept of fursona has always been super strange to me--this idealized fantasy self in anthropomorphic animal form. I used to pride myself on not having one. I never felt the need to anthropomorphize myself. I thought I was just fine the way I was. Or maybe I just didn't like myself enough to want to anthropomorphize in the first place.
But, if I had to have a 'fursona'... I'm glad it's him, even if we're not really anything alike.
Because you see, I fucking love Inorog. Everyone who knows me is aware of this. I love his concept. I love his character and overblown personality. I love the hilarious, dumb, piercing way he sees the world. I love that he's mine. I am all over my own character 24/7 in the most narcissistic way possible, and I don't care. Inorog is astoundingly great and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.
But that might be the problem. I've become too attached. And moreover, I'm starting to see him as an extension of myself too. So when all these little insults pile up, all these little defeats and moments of weakness and defilements happen... I feel like it's not just happening to Inorog, but to me too. And I used to get off on that. It fed my exhibitionist streak. It was a way to display my sexuality without displaying myself, using Inorog as my stand-in. And I think I do still get off on it. It's just, like I said before...
It's just been getting to be a bit too much.
The worst part is, I've increasingly been feeling, for lack of a better word, bullied, even when it's at the hands of close friends--just because it feels like a non-stop torrent. Everyone knows my kinks. Everyone knows my turn-ons. And they use them against me more or less ruthlessly. And this feels like such a dumb thing to complain about, right? "Oh boohoo, my friends like to turn me on because they know what I like." But, well, one of the big kinks is power-play. And the kind of power-play I unabashedly have enjoyed best up to this point is the kind where dominants battle for control. Where the winner takes all, and the loser is nothing but a bitch made to service him. Where 'submissive' is the ultimate insult. And, all too often in contests like that, I let Inorog lose. Because, y'know, he's a hot loser. But then when you factor in that more and more I've been seeing Inorog as kinda-sorta-myself... and that there's carte blanche to inflict debasement on him...
Do you kinda see where I'm going with this?
The nature of domination and submission is a fascinating one to me, and one I enjoy exploring. But it's different when it's with characters of mine versus reflecting on me personally. And with people--strangers--making assumptions on what I enjoy based on what I've allowed Inorog to do. Rather than delight in his downfall like I always did before, now I feel sleazy after a session, or worse, empty.
The last few weeks in particular it just got really heavy. And I think a large factor is also the fact I've been overworked for months prior to this. I get only one day off a week, and that's usually spent desperately trying to make time with my first ever boyfriend, or working on podcast stuff (Dudes Spankin' Dudes hit its fourth episode recently!) I haven't had any time to myself to rest, to recover, for... ages. And that's put me under a great deal of stress which has added to these negative feelings.
Another likely possibility is that my sexuality has taken a turn towards more 'dominant' lately, but I've been too exhausted to properly dominate anybody. Which, again, leads to mental frustration.
Power play is great, but there's naturally a line between fantasy and reality, and between roleplay and reality. Lately, with me, I feel like the lines have been getting merged. And it's no one's fault but my own, really. But I think I need to step back for a bit. To get my head screwed back on straight. It's been bad enough that negotiating who tops and who bottoms in commissions with friends have stressed me out to actual panic attacks. Unhealthy!
What does this mean for you guys? Probably not a lot. I'm not really asking you to behave any differently. But just... go a little easy on me for a bit, eh? I don't have the strength right now to fight anybody. Rather than the host of sexy enemies and shit-talking rivals I've amassed for myself, for just a little bit... I need friends instead.
If you got down this far, then thanks. I realize I ramble a lot. Like I said, I'm trying to figure this out myself.
How do you guys feel? Do you see Inorog as a joke? Has anyone else ever experienced getting 'too close' to one of their characters? Do you have any advice or solutions?
FA+

And its not a dumb thing to complain about. You want your character portrayed in a specific way, in a way that makes you happy and makes Inorog Inorog lol. As your friend, I say do your thing chicken wing. When people ask you about Inorog being a sub, tell them NO! Sometimes you gotta be firm ya know?
As for as blurring lines that's part of the reason the age on this account is so new, greatly distancing myself from all my old stuff, I'm sure you don't want to do anything that drastic. The only other solution that comes to my mind is a slow and steady shift in character, it will definitely take time and effort and you'll still be experiencing a lot of stress along the way.
Whenever you and I played for instance Carson, I always enjoyed myself. I still wanna get art with you sometime too! It's just--I dunno if I can do fighty pics for a while.
As for art; I'm still totally up for getting stuff with you and I don't mind waiting for it. Don't stress over it-- when you're ready I'll be around and if you decide that you don't want it anymore later on, that's fine too. ^- -^
In all honesty, though. I think you are reading too deeply into Inorog's reputation, and if the problem is indeed enough to trigger panic attacks and anxiety? Then the problem probably isn't with Inorog. I know this reads as 'stop taking it so seriously', but it sounds like your relationship with this character is almost regretful.
Take some time away; regain your energy; don't compromise what you want. To hell with what people think.
I think the problem comes once I identify too strongly with him and feel like his 'defeats' reflect on me personally. That, along with how submissives can be seen in popular gay culture in general...
I think you're right in that I definitely need some time away.
I believe you really mean that, when it's told. But telling will always fall short of showing, and to be honest? I cannot recall even a single story where Inorog wins, where he gets to be the dominant one. Hell, I can't even recall one where he even seems to have a chance of holding his own! It honestly feels like Inorog losing is pre-ordained, guaranteed. I begin to wonder why he even bothers with the challenges, because it subjectively seems like he should have noticed "hey, literally every time I do this stuff, I lose, maybe that's not what I want anymore." And it's from thoughts like that that we get to this idea that Inorog isn't really that dominant--that he's either in denial, self-deluded, or really good at play-acting his indignation and dislike of his treatment while actually enjoying it immensely.
This doesn't mean that it's okay that people give YOU, personally, shit about this. It's good that you make your feelings known, and I'm sorry that the mismatch between your perception of the character and the character's reputation has led to such personal hurt. But if you want this to change--if you really do find yourself identifying with Inorog, and wishing people would see him the same way you do--then it really is your responsibility to start *showing* the sides of the story we're not getting to see. It doesn't have to be a sudden flip where Inorog always wins. But if we're supposed to take him seriously as a dom, and see his struggle as genuine rather than purely comedic effect, he really does need to win some of the time.
One possible option: when you're writing a story, roll a die and let that determine who wins. Don't decide in advance. If you still want to enjoy Inorog losing more often than winning, make it favor one side over the other (e.g. Inorog loses on a 1-4, which is two thirds of the time for a fair die). That way, even you get to be surprised about how things work out--and, surely, he will sometimes defeat opponents you wouldn't have expected. It will be both a challenge to your skills as a writer, and a way for us to see Inorog more like you do.
If you want to continue telling the stories exactly as you have, though? You'll have to either accept that many people will never see Inorog the way you do, or work on identifying less with the character so that you can stop feeling personally hurt when others speak poorly of him. But I expect that either of these options is...a lot more difficult to actually apply. That's why I recommend showing us the Inorog *you* know and see and love. Let us see his strength, his dominance, his passion for winning, and his ability to ACTUALLY win.
Just out of curiousity, I went back through my gallery--to every single submission featuring Inorog--to see just how often he'd been shown being dominant vs unwillingly submissive. The ratio actually surprised me! I expected it to be slanted heavily towards him losing, but it turned out to be...
Inorog dominant: 22 instances
Inorog submissive: 25 instances
Which is... actually really close? And certainly not the landslide people, including you, seem to expect. (not that I'm giving you shit for seeing him that way! Because you're hardly alone, and in fact I myself thought it'd be more skewed as well)
The way I arrived at those figures was any time Inorog is fucked, tied up, spanked, or obviously put in 'lesser' standing to another character I counted as a defeat, and any time he was the character in control I counted as a win. Instances where both were present--such as my recent 'Wild Hunt' story where he defeats and rapes three opponents before being taken down himself by Carthage--I counted as a check in both boxes.
So now that leaves me more confused than ever. I've always made an effort to include works where Inorog is dominant--if only so that works where he gets taken down are hotter. (I actually discussed this a while back on twitter) But it seems those works don't stick in people's minds the same way as the ones where he gets defeated do. That could be due to a variety of factors: the art styles, my own enthusiasm for a piece, the character-acting I do outside of my gallery, etc.
What does that mean though? Should I continue to get art done of him being dominant? Should I get more? TBH I myself tend to prefer art where Inorog is beaten as well. I just hate that others see him as 'weak' as a result. Hoo boy.
Another factor that could be leading to internal frustration is that I have commissioned a number of works where Inorog is dominant lately... but they've all come back either heavily delayed, or I wasn't personally satisfied by them so have (so far) held off on posting them. I really do want to show that side of Inorog more, but outside events keep on preventing me, haha.
I do want to thank you very much again for leaving such a thoughtful comment. It was truly appreciated, and valued.
I, too, am surprised by that data--I figured there had to be stories where Inorog was genuinely dominant and I was just brainfarting, but that ratio is much closer than I expected. One thing that might make a bigger difference, in addition to the "prominence" of the story and your non-story comments, is considering the nature purely of the conclusion, rather than "splitting" for when elements of both things appear. What you did was perfectly fair, and it's great that you spelled out how you got those numbers (methodology is super important! so many people don't get that!)....but that may not be the takeaway people get. That is, unfortunately, people may look solely at the final climax (...no pun intended...) and define the whole story based on it. Inorog defeating three opponents, only to fall to the last, may not *feel* any different from Inorog simply losing to a single opponent. I don't know how this would affect your numbers, but it's worth considering. At the very least, it sounds like things would drop by a few on the dominant side, turning 25 out of 47 "scenarios" (splitting a story with Inorog in multiple roles into two "scenarios," total 53% submissive) into, say, 25 out of 41 (almost 61% submissive). Again, this is not to say that your methodology was wrong--merely that, if we shift it slightly, it may reveal more about why people see Inorog as they do. Ambiguous situations may be read "unfavorably," mixed messages may be seen as "really" only pointing in one direction (particularly if that direction is the "final" result). Nuance is lost, or even misunderstood.
It's also possible, and unfortunately this may be beyond address, that people simply see Inorog losing as more meaningful/impactful/significant than him winning. It may even be the very thing you want out of it--a "meaningful" loss, because Inorog really is a strong and serious dom--is precisely what leads to this effect. It's like...say you have a guy who is a fantastic chess player. Everyone knows this, and he's got tournament trophies to prove it (but we don't see the tourneys themselves). Does it mean you're a bad chess player if you lose one game? No, not at all--even Gary Kasparov loses games (sometimes to computers! hah) But what happens when you see someone who's supposed to be a GREAT chess player--even if he's won a lot in the past--lose every other game to random passers-by, even if they happen to be really good chess players too? Those losses are going to *feel* significant, and ironically the fact that he's supposed to be a good chess player may end up supporting the conclusion that no, he's really *not* a good chess player. And if this is a character that's being written, it may even be a good thing that he loses now and then, as faults and failures add depth to a character. But a character we're supposed to believe is (a) actually skilled at chess and (b) actually wins a lot, but who we *see* losing slightly more often than he wins? He may not *feel* like a very good chess player. I mean, if I told you--using the very numbers you gathered--that a particular person had a 47% win rate at chess, would that give you confidence that they were a good chess player? Even if you knew, viscerally and intuitively, that this person was challenging highly-rated players, winning less often than he loses may hurt your ability to visualize him as a good chess player. If we then complicate matters by adding that some of those numbers count tournaments where he won the first few games, but came in second or third overall, losing to an even better player? Again, nuance may be lost, and the perception that the player isn't very good may win out. Always getting second or third in tournaments really DOES mean you're a good player...but most people won't FEEL like you're a good player.
This leads to another possibility: that Inorog, as you know and love him, is a powerful man in a world with lots of more-powerful men, but Inorog, as the furry public sees him, is only a moderately strong or even mediocre man, whose pride pushes him to challenge guys way out of his league. I've been dancing around the "he's not a joke" thing because, as I said, *I* don't see him as a joke--he really does seem serious about his positions (...again, pun not intended). But it's possible that people are getting a gut reaction to Inorog that puts him in comedy territory. There's a term in Greek theater, "alazon" (ancient Greek: ἀλαζών, pronounced more or less "AH-la-ZOON"), which refers to a character that creates a comedy situation by being puffed up, self-aggrandizing, and swaggering--a braggart with no real skills or abilities (in Latin, this is often a miles gloriosus--"swaggering soldier"). This character is often one half of a comedic duo, the other side being a more restrained, self-understating character who is in fact highly skilled (in Greek, the "eiron"). In more modern works, since violence and soldiery are less acceptable, our "alazon" is often the Know-It-All who truly knows nothing, and who eventually gets his comeuppance from a true genius on the cast who simply doesn't like to flaunt their intelligence (Cheers did this sometimes). Because Inorog does tend to lose, despite his protestations, it may be that people are pegging him as an alazon--a braggart and a fool, "full of sound and fury, signifying nothing," rather than a character to be taken seriously. So perhaps a long look at how Inorog views himself, his challengers, and his success or failure, may help. For example: Leaven your shit-talking with internal mental strategy. Show Inorog having positive, purely friendly competitions--ones that don't end in sex and aren't necessarily violent. Give attention to the post-failure situations, where he has to deal with having his pride stomped on. It's cool that he can bounce back from past failure, but maybe it will help to SEE him do that. Hell, seeing more of his life that just doesn't have anything to do with being dom or sub at all, may be a big help.
Further? Maybe it would be good for him to have some clearly macho, manly, strong friends--people he respects and even admires--who turn out to be pure subs, to his surprise but eventual acceptance. More or less, don't just focus on yourself and Inorog. Focus on challenging the underlying narrative others are trying to wrap you up in. Don't just show that Inorog isn't weak, even if he sometimes(/often) ends up being the submissive partner without desiring to be. Show that being a submissive partner isn't even "weak" in the first place--that Inorog's only "failing" was that he wasn't strong/smart/lucky/etc. enough to win the contest, and that the sex and roles that come after are merely a fun and (hopefully?) friendly wager that won't leave any lasting harm. Inorog doesn't LIKE being submissive, but doing something you dislike because you lost a bet/contest is not at all the same as being a weak person. And, further, whether you like or dislike being submissive has nothing to do with whether you're a weak person, on whatever spectrum you might consider (physically, mentally, morally, socially). That could be another avenue to pursue: maybe Inorog could benefit from having some antagonists that actually ARE "weak" in some sense, maybe people who cheat to win or only pick on people who couldn't possibly beat them. Inorog helps their victims stand up for themselves and expose the antagonists' weakness, showing how even though they're dominant, they're actually shitty people.
I hope these are helpful to you. Like I said, it's shitty that other people are treating you in a way that makes you so seriously upset, even if it's meant to be in good fun. I've been in a similar situation (not sexual, but also not a character I identified with either--it was me, personally), and it sucks enormous donkey testicles. You already know, given this journal, that talking to the people involved is a good solution. Hopefully, whether from me or from others, you can find additional tools to help you continue to enjoy the stuff that you love, without the bullshit.
I didn't go whole hog dominant mode in our last RP (the werewolf curse one) because I was getting the vibe from you that it wouldn't have been appropriate. For what it's worth, I think you do a very good job at conveying genuine discomfort as opposed to play acting. In that way, Ino doesn't come off as fake or a joke to me because he genuinely doesn't like to submit.
Like Ezekiel said above, I agree that it's a good idea to have him win sometimes. Maybe the solution is to create another powerful character that can be a genuine rival for Inorog. That way, they could trade places whenever you want a scene where Ino isn't forced or coerced into submission. But, the tricky part of that would be making the new character different enough so that they aren't just clones of one another. Perhaps a rhinoceros character would work best for that idea. ;)
For now, though I think it's definitely smart to take a break to really figure this out. I'm always free on Twitter or Telegram if you want to have a candid chat without RP getting in the way.
I'm not sure if making another character just for Inorog to defeat is the right way to go. That feels like it'd just be sorta... incestuous? Not only that, but it wouldn't come off as a genuine victory, at least to me. Inorog doesn't need manufactured wins, he needs actual wins. ...Or maybe I'm thinking about this too hard.
Plus, ewww, rhinos.
Do have a couple new guys in the pipeline though. The orc Krostag is only the first of the batch. Hope to debut the others soon!
In any case, I do think a break is needed for a bit.
When I do receive comments dismissing Machamp as bottom, it actually just feeds my fetish more because I also like some humiliation along with the power play, because I think it makes it even hotter. I don't really know how this answers your dilemma, but maybe it could provide some insight to you coming from another power play fetishist.
It's good that you're recognizing this as a potential problem for yourself. It always helps when you're able to discuss it and can be honest about feeling attached to your characters.
You're right to take a break and try and find where this sits with you, either to try and disentangle the 'relationship' or to integrate it more into your own personality is up to you though, gonna take some work either way at this point.
Hmm... that thing about being essentially bullied. That does sound complicated. I can't say I fully understand it, though I get the main idea: People will bully you for your desire for someone to overpower you and you'll frequently come out the loser (If I'm getting that right). I hope you can get some good friends around you who will respect your desire for it not to get out of hand.
I think I understand you, and again, I think it would be a good thing to focus more on that aspect of him, just my opinion, but I hope it helps, anyways, you know that I'll help whenever I can.
So here are some suggestions.
1. Make a rule. For the next two years, Inorog always wins. No matter what. In any story he's in, he gets to win. One way or another, funny or serious, he totally wins.
I get this from professional wrestling, and from the contract that professional wrestler Mark Foley had with the WWF (now WWE). Mick Foley had been with various companies but had built up his fame doing hardcore matches in a lesser promotion playing a famous character called 'Cactus Jack'. King of hardcore.
Mick Foley started a new character with his new WWF contract playing 'Mankind' - a crazy homeless drifter who wore a leather strap-mask and made jokes about his name and fought crazy-style hardcore. And later they introduced another personality of Mankind, called 'Dude Love', a 1960's era peace and love hippe who did hardcore comedy style professional wrestling.
And sometimes Mankind won and sometimes Mankind lost and sometimes Dude Love won and sometimes Dude Love won and sometimes they rescued people or were rescued and so on, as the plot required.
But written into Mick Foley's contract was this: If you ever want me to play Cactus Jack, king of hardcore, in the WWF, he never loses. Everyone else can lose, but Cactus Jack never loses. And the WWF agreed, having no big plans for Cactus Jack.
Well, guess what? Five years later, there was a big plotline where neither Mankind nor Dude Love were powerful enough to beat a villain - so they had to call on their ultimate multiper personality, Cactus Jack! Who won, because he always wins. -:)
So give yourself a rest and choose to win. :)
2. Take Inorog private for a while. Give him a rest. Consider it a training montage out in the wilderness. -:)
I don't see Inorog as a joke. Like you see. My character Scarface like to mock him, but he always like to mock his friends also he only spanked Ino once when I usually draw Inorog spank him more because I really think that Inorog is a strong man.
Well I really wrote a lot. I know that life is a hard thing but get frustrated won't help. I hope you can get more free time for yourself so don't need to worry. Everything will be a lot better. I really have hope in that.
I've never seen Ino as a joke- I've always considered him a mega hot dominant who just sometimes bites off more than he can chew! If it makes you feel any better he could absolutely rip anyone in my cast apart, including Lightning. (He's more of a fancy lawn ornament. :P) I've never felt like he himself was a joke, only that you would occasionally make jokes about toxic masculinity, as you said.
You're into what you're into, dude, and it's totally fair to put out a PSA if you feel like something isn't right or if something is unintentionally wearing you down. Better to politely do that than to completely burn out and snap, or wind up in hospital yo! (Don't do that. I will fucking find you)
I feel like how we view masculinity in general is in fact to blame- because we perceive anything "soft" or "sensitive" as being weak (which really isn't the case), and are quick to turn around and make fun of anything we think of as weak. Especially if we think it'll get a rise out of them! (Maybe in RPs people are trying to rile him up so he'll wrassle?) Hopefully that will change, in time. In the meantime though, I hope you will take some time to yourself to relax and practice some self-care, it's very important. I also hope people will honor your wishes! c:
Hope you're takin' it easy, dood!
He's still really hot and cuddly though :p
As far as feeling close to your character. That is something that develops over time. Especially if you play as him in your interactions. I have had Aces since my very first time into the furry fandom. He has been what I aspire to be and what I admire. I am very protective of him, perhaps too protective. People in the fandom call me Aces. I understand your feelings about this, but I am getting tired so I can't really describe it well.
Hopefully the above statement wasn't too rambling and helped you out. I always appreciated your work and hope to see more/maybe chat with you.
Thanks and good luck!
Aces.
I have a deep respect for the unicorn! I see him as a warrior who fights with honor and glory!
I don't care that he's a unicorn
I don't care that he gets beaten to the ground alot and loses alot!
Because he always gets back up, raring and ready to fight again! I find that incredibly admirable!
So I have the utmost respect for Inorog UwU
You probably don't even think about this journal anymore, and I don't remember if I watched you back then, but I keep on regretting the things I don't do, so I guess I should make sure I don't regret this. Because this journal still exists, so...
To be completely honest, right now, Inorog is my favorite character on this site. Even though you haven't ever interacted with me, I still love your character. And, I take him seriously. I take all characters seriously, and I get why you feel/ felt frustrated about this.
A lot of what we have seen of Inorog seems humorous, but as a writer, I know he's not just a dominant unicorn who likes to spank people and sometimes gets humiliated himself. He's a complex character, one that's been with you for a long time.
He's also a character that I admire, by the way. It's why I might be seeming so annoying. He's been humiliated, and he's gotten back up every time. He's strong, brave, sometimes ridiculous, and definitely attractive.
I probably seem like I'm rambling, now, and on an old journal, too...
Damn, I wish I said this when it was posted. I wish I wasn't late. Anyways, I'm sorry for bothering you.