I like your use of font to convey emotion in the first part, but when you had the big bold quote, it kind of just looked like a jumble. However, you stopped doing so...any reason?

Occassionally when multiple characters are interacting, it's difficult to tell who's speaking since your paragraphs don't always separate characters' dialog and sometimes dialog that should be in the same paragraph is broken up for effect.

I'm not sure if it's more of a personal thing, but I crave more detail in my stories. In certain parts, you have that, but in others, I'd like to see those missing details...I want to be able to visualize what they're seeing. This is especially important if you're going to make a book that centers around two individuals who find themselves going crazy. Imagery can be very powerful.

Lastly, I'm a little confused as to how the two girls met...I realize that there was a call that the two exchanged, but the dialog exchange was so sparse that I didn't really quite get the full effect that you probably intended. There was no suspicion on either party. Perhaps I missed it?

as far as the formatting not being carried into other parts of the story, it's mostly because the first part was written, finished, and then the rest of the story started to be written- and it all kind of went downhill from there >_o
and the big font looked quite good when it was ONLY that not-quite-a-page- not so much now, but I figure that since, when I edit, I tend to re-write everything in a new window, it's not really a big deal.

the writing styles shift between my "words and dialogue and important actions before details" (the way I write rough drafts) and Aubry's more complete writing style.

. . .lessee.. when they meet..
I suppose the most important thing to make a note of is that it would probably be the next day, if i remember correctly. Believe it or no, It was actually harder to understand how thy met to begin with-
it went from the phone call directly to the lunch.
but the general Idea is that this is one of those things where, for starters, Aubry very much wants a ledge to hold on to- so when she saw an engraving that looked familiar, (in more of a mental way than "I've seen this before) she reaches for it-
and it's intended to be one of those things where if it's happening to you, and somebody else mentions it, it's so mind-shaking that you'll notice it right away.
-hence a phrase as cryptic as "do they follow you?" when spoken in an almost pleading tone, may be instantly recognizable to somebody plagued by such a thing- whereas if you asked the same thing to anybody else, they'd think you were crazy :3 (if I skated around the point, let me know, and I'll read it again. It's actually been awhile since i've tried to read the rough draft from start to finish.)

Keep in mind that not only is this a rough draft, but the final is going to be a graphic novel.

ANywho! Thank you for hte input~ S'nice to know that SOMEBODY at least tried ta read the darn thing x3

You're welcome. When people are asking for input rather than praise, I tend to oblige.

As for the meeting of the two girls, I believe I understand what you intended, but none of that information was imparted while I was reading the story. Looking back at it, I can see the plausibility of it. However, it'd be more easily conveyed to the reader with a little more narration/inner monologue at those points.

Looking back at the pages once more, the second half of the story actually goes more smoothly than the first. You do really well in sequencing the progress of events, although I really wish you'd milk those action scenes for all they're worth. The character constantly goes from action to inaction multiple times, so there's no time for buildup of suspense or for the reader to feel the plight of the characters.

wherps. Meant to reply. *points down a post*

*nodnods* I'll make sure to flesh it out a bit better once the second draft comes around. it'll give me a better chance to pull it apart than just reading usually does. *notes self to keep an eye out for ways to improve upon your suggestions*

Thanks again <3!