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Professor Summer's NFL Week 9 Gamblepalooza
9 years ago
Good morning sports fans! Today the big spandex clad men are back to concuss one another and shorten their life expectancies for your viewing enjoyment and my profit. Your favorite glasses and labcoat (and nothing else http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21125763/ new pic for 2016!) wearing skunkette has studied the spreads, and is here to give you the tip.
It's been a rough year for your super-smart-as-hell gambling skunkette. At the midway point of the season, I'm 6 games worse than a coin flip, and I hear there's a game picking octopus that is crushing me on a weekly basis. Now... in these scenarios, good gamblers stick to their program, and don't sweat the falling behind. Bad gamblers bet more to try and catch up. PROBLEM gamblers bet more than they can afford in order to catch up. Luckily, I can afford it. >.>
The main picks!
Game 1: Dallas Cowboys (-7.5) @ Cleveland Browns
Pick - Dallas -7.5
~I've been picking Cleveland the last two weeks, figuring they're due to win as 0-16 seasons are extremely rare. I've given up hope on that, they're donezo. The only danger in this pick is Dallas taking a wounded opponent lightly, and being shocked, or pulling out a win by a thin enough margin to not cover the 7 and a half point spread.
RESULT: Dallas 35 (-8 = 27) Cleveland 10 - WIN
Game 2: Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings (-6)
Pick - Detroit +6
~After looking like a juggernaut in the making, the Vikings have dropped two in a row and are struggling to find any potency in their offensive attack. Their defense is still stout, but Matt Stafford is quietly having a good season. I see them being quietly competent, threatening to win this game outright, and losing by a field goal in the end, which will not cover the 6 bonus points they're getting.
RESULT Detroit 22 (+6 = 28) Minnesota 16 - WIN
Game 3: New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (-4)
Pick - New York +4
~Initially when I looked at this game, I liked the Dolphins to cover. Then I got a little chill that reminded me that this division matchup is always a toss-up. Generally I stay away from toss-ups entirely, but I got a funny feeling the Jets will steal a win or lose in heartbreaking fashion, so yeah, I've got the Jets here.
RESULT: New York Jets 23 (+4 = 27) Miami 27 - PUSH
Two wins and a push is a mini win, the tie is removed and I am considered a two-way parlay winner. Woo! Mini-win!
Bonus round!! Over-Under picking!
As mentioned above. I'm not a smart gambler, so I'm trying to make up for some of my bad picks with more picks. If it seems like bad logic, know that I agree with you.
Bonus Game 1: Jacksonville Jaguars @ Kansas City Chiefs, combined score over/under 44
Pick - UNDER
~KC's starting quarterback is sitting this game out under mysterious reasons. Jacksonville has been very uneven this season, but KC's defense should be enough to keep them quiet. My predicted score for this game is 24-13, which would be under.
RESULT: Jacksonville 14 + Kansas City 19 = 33 33 < 44 WIN
Bonus Game 2: Carolina Panthers @ LA Rams, combined score over/under 44.5
Pick - UNDER
~Carolina and Cam Newton have been struggling to find the magic of last season, and while I do beleive they'll do enough to win this game, I see the score being something similar to 28-10, which would be under.
RESULT: Carolina 13 + Los Angeles 10 + 23 23 < 44.5 WIN
Bonus Game 3: Indianapolis Colts @ Green Bay Packers, combined score over/under 53.5
Pick - UNDER
~What's wrong with Aaron Rodgers? What's wrong with Andrew Luck? That's what people have been wondering all year. In this game, I think ONE of them will get it going, and the other will still have trouble. Final score 31-20, which would be under.
RESULT: Indianapolis 31 + Green Bay 26 = 57 57 > 53.5 LOSE
Hnnnngggghhhh SO CLOSE to two winners!!
Season Results: 14 correct, 17 wrong, 2 push
It's been a rough year for your super-smart-as-hell gambling skunkette. At the midway point of the season, I'm 6 games worse than a coin flip, and I hear there's a game picking octopus that is crushing me on a weekly basis. Now... in these scenarios, good gamblers stick to their program, and don't sweat the falling behind. Bad gamblers bet more to try and catch up. PROBLEM gamblers bet more than they can afford in order to catch up. Luckily, I can afford it. >.>
The main picks!
Game 1: Dallas Cowboys (-7.5) @ Cleveland Browns
Pick - Dallas -7.5
~I've been picking Cleveland the last two weeks, figuring they're due to win as 0-16 seasons are extremely rare. I've given up hope on that, they're donezo. The only danger in this pick is Dallas taking a wounded opponent lightly, and being shocked, or pulling out a win by a thin enough margin to not cover the 7 and a half point spread.
RESULT: Dallas 35 (-8 = 27) Cleveland 10 - WIN
Game 2: Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings (-6)
Pick - Detroit +6
~After looking like a juggernaut in the making, the Vikings have dropped two in a row and are struggling to find any potency in their offensive attack. Their defense is still stout, but Matt Stafford is quietly having a good season. I see them being quietly competent, threatening to win this game outright, and losing by a field goal in the end, which will not cover the 6 bonus points they're getting.
RESULT Detroit 22 (+6 = 28) Minnesota 16 - WIN
Game 3: New York Jets @ Miami Dolphins (-4)
Pick - New York +4
~Initially when I looked at this game, I liked the Dolphins to cover. Then I got a little chill that reminded me that this division matchup is always a toss-up. Generally I stay away from toss-ups entirely, but I got a funny feeling the Jets will steal a win or lose in heartbreaking fashion, so yeah, I've got the Jets here.
RESULT: New York Jets 23 (+4 = 27) Miami 27 - PUSH
Two wins and a push is a mini win, the tie is removed and I am considered a two-way parlay winner. Woo! Mini-win!
Bonus round!! Over-Under picking!
As mentioned above. I'm not a smart gambler, so I'm trying to make up for some of my bad picks with more picks. If it seems like bad logic, know that I agree with you.
Bonus Game 1: Jacksonville Jaguars @ Kansas City Chiefs, combined score over/under 44
Pick - UNDER
~KC's starting quarterback is sitting this game out under mysterious reasons. Jacksonville has been very uneven this season, but KC's defense should be enough to keep them quiet. My predicted score for this game is 24-13, which would be under.
RESULT: Jacksonville 14 + Kansas City 19 = 33 33 < 44 WIN
Bonus Game 2: Carolina Panthers @ LA Rams, combined score over/under 44.5
Pick - UNDER
~Carolina and Cam Newton have been struggling to find the magic of last season, and while I do beleive they'll do enough to win this game, I see the score being something similar to 28-10, which would be under.
RESULT: Carolina 13 + Los Angeles 10 + 23 23 < 44.5 WIN
Bonus Game 3: Indianapolis Colts @ Green Bay Packers, combined score over/under 53.5
Pick - UNDER
~What's wrong with Aaron Rodgers? What's wrong with Andrew Luck? That's what people have been wondering all year. In this game, I think ONE of them will get it going, and the other will still have trouble. Final score 31-20, which would be under.
RESULT: Indianapolis 31 + Green Bay 26 = 57 57 > 53.5 LOSE
Hnnnngggghhhh SO CLOSE to two winners!!
Season Results: 14 correct, 17 wrong, 2 push
