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I have a problem
19 years ago
General
That is the first step to solving a problem, admitting you have one. I have psychological issues, I have come to realize that I have anger issues. Really bad ones, not just the usual snapping stuff and wrecking something. But more along the lines of scary rage the kind you get in people who like watching the life drain out of somebodies eyes. I killed two birds at work the other day. Damn sparrows live in the home improvement store I work in. They crap on everything and kill the plants by eating them. A sparrow had got caught in the mesh we put over the bird seed. I grabbed it and broke its neck. That is the usual treatment we give the captured, quick death.
Later on that day I caught a starling, bigger, noisier, and a hell of a lot messier. This one I caught near lumber, it hit the window but it was just stunned. A few other co workers saw me grab it, they told me to wash my hands after I snapped its neck. Filthy things that they are, this one screeched and pecked my hand hard. Got me on the fleshy part of my hand between the thumb and index finger. It was a jabbing peck that tore me open. I never knew the things had such sharp beaks. I started bleeding all over the floor, the others laughed. Then I crushed the bird. Literally I squeezed it until my fingers were almost touching. The bird popped at both ends I got its blood all over my hands. The laughter stopped, it got very quiet.
After dropping the bird I lifted my hand up right up to my face. Fingers slightly curled I sniffed my hand covered in the birds blood. Its about this time my coworkers came running up. One of them jerked my hand away from my face. They said it looked like I was about to lick my fingers. I said no, it smelled foul. I was repulsed by its smell, they told me I had this scary blank look on my face. That when I crushed the bird I was actually scary looking. There was an intensity to my face that scared them. Management was called in and I was sent home early.
It seems I have some things to resolve, I am going to start therapy soon. But only if I continue to have a job, things are kind of up in the air at the moment.
Later on that day I caught a starling, bigger, noisier, and a hell of a lot messier. This one I caught near lumber, it hit the window but it was just stunned. A few other co workers saw me grab it, they told me to wash my hands after I snapped its neck. Filthy things that they are, this one screeched and pecked my hand hard. Got me on the fleshy part of my hand between the thumb and index finger. It was a jabbing peck that tore me open. I never knew the things had such sharp beaks. I started bleeding all over the floor, the others laughed. Then I crushed the bird. Literally I squeezed it until my fingers were almost touching. The bird popped at both ends I got its blood all over my hands. The laughter stopped, it got very quiet.
After dropping the bird I lifted my hand up right up to my face. Fingers slightly curled I sniffed my hand covered in the birds blood. Its about this time my coworkers came running up. One of them jerked my hand away from my face. They said it looked like I was about to lick my fingers. I said no, it smelled foul. I was repulsed by its smell, they told me I had this scary blank look on my face. That when I crushed the bird I was actually scary looking. There was an intensity to my face that scared them. Management was called in and I was sent home early.
It seems I have some things to resolve, I am going to start therapy soon. But only if I continue to have a job, things are kind of up in the air at the moment.
Relax at work, keep away from the birds so you aren't tempted to make another one pop like an overfilled water balloon, and find some way to go to a happy place, some way you can get your mind focused. I like listening to instrumental types of music for this. Especially game music remixes. And then there's also outlets for problems, such as anger. I personally play a lot of games to help my mind unload. Others draw. Others play sports.
But you have done good, admitting you have this problem. Now, take the steps to get it helped out.