For the past year or so I've been working 6 day workweeks saving for a car that I can never get because rent keeps jumping on me. So I guess this is my life now.

Sorry I'm too stupid to use twitter or help anyone that needs help. Sorry I'm too stupid to even socialize or make friends. I try so hard but the more and more dead inside I feel the more autistic and mentally retarded I feel, and the more I want to bag my head in shame, like, it's not an emo thing but I hate myself so fucking much. I'm living cringe. And I don't want my family to see me, I don't want my friends to see me, I don't even want to see myself because I'm a fucking wreck, and I contemplated suicide tonight because of it.

A lot of people think I'm depressed because of Trump being elected and even though I'm political I really don't care about that as much as I care about how it's effecting my friends and how I can do absolutely fucking NOTHING to comfort them. And honestly I'm even questioning if I have close friends at all, and yes, I do push people away, but because I want someone that truly understands how I feel instead of just wanting to do furry cuddle shit. I miss my girlfriend and I miss my best friends that are offline right now. But at the same time I don't want them to see me like this. But at the same time I'm writing this journal because I need help, I punched myself in the knee trying to fuck it up again after straining it because I don't want to work tomorrow, I whipped myself in the back with a jumper hook because I don't want to cut and make a big medical deal out of things. And I know that makes me a pussy, and that's exactly what I am.

I just

Want to die so much

I'm 20 years old, I SHOULDN'T STILL BE FUCKING THINKING LIKE THIS
KILL ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT END