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9 years ago
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|| Trello| TOS |Business HRS/Schedule || I've been avoiding writing this for a while, I just feel I keep writing these because I fail to keep my promises I guess... I dunno how else to describe it...
A couple months ago (I would say a few, but it was pretty late in the month a few months ago so...), the one I've been rooming with gave me some news that he was worried about Amendment 69 passing (I won't get into politics, but it's relevant for this segment), and he would have to move out of the state IF it passes. I was put into a state of panic and incredible stress, and it really strained my emotions the past few months. JUST when I thought things were going to be ok after my stupid kidney stone episode...Month later I figure out that he just can't continue to live in Colorado any longer. So it's not just about the Amendment anymore, now it's just he can't continue to live in the state anymore. I've been really stressed out, I've been searching for places to go, and I'm pretty much almost out of time...
I was getting so close to being completely caught up. I wanted my entire art queue empty, at least one or two fursuits completed, and my final one at least started...But my place of living was basically swept right underneath me and put me in a state of panic, trying to figure out what would be my next place to live. I didn't have a second plan, and this place I was in was my only plan. I basically fucked up by thinking I had this in the bag, that I had nothing to worry about, and I would be able to get onto my feet as expected by January. But everything came at me like a train. I tried so hard to be optimistic about finally being independent, being the adult everybody expected me to be, and I just... I broke. I shattered.
I lost myself within my art, I became depressed trying to even finish these fursuits, and I've been essentially drifting along, trying to find my purpose within all of this commotion, that I stagnated to a halt. I'm trying so hard to rev myself back up again, I'm trying so hard to keep going. I have a plan for change, but that change could only happen if I just. finish.
So many other things I can't discuss at all, has also greatly affected my mood. As always, I've tried so hard to be optimistic and did my best to think things are ok. But I feel so boxed in, and I can't be free. It has completely broken me, and my only solace is the tiny tastes of freedom I can have... I've gotten addicted to ideas, but dreams seem unattainable and nonexistent at this point. All I CAN do is watch from the sidelines and try not to lose my sanity. I've shed a lot of tears, and I've been continuously shut down. Being patient for so long wears you very thin the longer you wait, and I've been worn incredibly thin...
---
I'm moving back into my dads house. Since it seems all other options I tried to come up with have been exhausted or unattainable. I'm really sorry I can't pay for rent... I just really need to catch up and fix the mess I built for myself. I just need time... I'm incredibly sorry I didn't finish a fursuit on time. I know it's been two years, and there's no excuse for finishing Click first... I don't need it rubbed in my face... I feel so terrible about everything and I can only trust so few people in my life at this point. I can only be comforted by so many until I feel I get too much sympathy. I feel terrible about everything. I just want to pay my bills and buy gas for my car... I just need a stable income by finding a job... I'm sorry I fail as an adult. I'm really trying...
I just need time... I'm so sorry.... for everything....
A couple months ago (I would say a few, but it was pretty late in the month a few months ago so...), the one I've been rooming with gave me some news that he was worried about Amendment 69 passing (I won't get into politics, but it's relevant for this segment), and he would have to move out of the state IF it passes. I was put into a state of panic and incredible stress, and it really strained my emotions the past few months. JUST when I thought things were going to be ok after my stupid kidney stone episode...Month later I figure out that he just can't continue to live in Colorado any longer. So it's not just about the Amendment anymore, now it's just he can't continue to live in the state anymore. I've been really stressed out, I've been searching for places to go, and I'm pretty much almost out of time...
I was getting so close to being completely caught up. I wanted my entire art queue empty, at least one or two fursuits completed, and my final one at least started...But my place of living was basically swept right underneath me and put me in a state of panic, trying to figure out what would be my next place to live. I didn't have a second plan, and this place I was in was my only plan. I basically fucked up by thinking I had this in the bag, that I had nothing to worry about, and I would be able to get onto my feet as expected by January. But everything came at me like a train. I tried so hard to be optimistic about finally being independent, being the adult everybody expected me to be, and I just... I broke. I shattered.
I lost myself within my art, I became depressed trying to even finish these fursuits, and I've been essentially drifting along, trying to find my purpose within all of this commotion, that I stagnated to a halt. I'm trying so hard to rev myself back up again, I'm trying so hard to keep going. I have a plan for change, but that change could only happen if I just. finish.
So many other things I can't discuss at all, has also greatly affected my mood. As always, I've tried so hard to be optimistic and did my best to think things are ok. But I feel so boxed in, and I can't be free. It has completely broken me, and my only solace is the tiny tastes of freedom I can have... I've gotten addicted to ideas, but dreams seem unattainable and nonexistent at this point. All I CAN do is watch from the sidelines and try not to lose my sanity. I've shed a lot of tears, and I've been continuously shut down. Being patient for so long wears you very thin the longer you wait, and I've been worn incredibly thin...
---
I'm moving back into my dads house. Since it seems all other options I tried to come up with have been exhausted or unattainable. I'm really sorry I can't pay for rent... I just really need to catch up and fix the mess I built for myself. I just need time... I'm incredibly sorry I didn't finish a fursuit on time. I know it's been two years, and there's no excuse for finishing Click first... I don't need it rubbed in my face... I feel so terrible about everything and I can only trust so few people in my life at this point. I can only be comforted by so many until I feel I get too much sympathy. I feel terrible about everything. I just want to pay my bills and buy gas for my car... I just need a stable income by finding a job... I'm sorry I fail as an adult. I'm really trying...
I just need time... I'm so sorry.... for everything....
Take your time. Take a breath. Steady yourself, and come at each issue one at a time. If you need to, rely on your friends, because true ones will always be there to give you someone to lean on or vent to.