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9 years ago
"RUN, NILES, RUN!" gonna post this here I feel bad about venting so much but idk where else to put this
idk if this will even make sense but w/e I just want to write it out
okay so I've been doing crappy in college because of my mental health; I have depression and anxiety and over the past year I've been able to function less and less in a school setting. I used to be able to work hard despite my illness and get good grades and show up to every class even tho I'm anxious as fuck. but now I can't, I fucking can't do anything and I'm so scared I'll lose my scholarship and financial aid stuff. I can't talk to my family about it which adds eeven more anxiety and self-loathing. they know I'm mentally ill and havee helped me w/ that but they don't know about my not doing well in school.
I feel like I'm letting down anyone who's believed in me especially my mom and my friends they've done so much for me and I wouldnt be alive without them tbh.
i'm just a lazy fuckhead who can't learn from their mistakes and I hate myyeslf more than anyone else could ever hate me. I want to work hard and do well but i just cant anymore??? fukcing i don;t know what to do shit;s bad and I'm about to cry. I'm so disappointed in myself but I can't kill myself because I have so much to do and it would hurt the people that care about me. I just want to be okay and not anxious and depressed and lazy all the time. I want to make everything okay.
idk if this will even make sense but w/e I just want to write it out
okay so I've been doing crappy in college because of my mental health; I have depression and anxiety and over the past year I've been able to function less and less in a school setting. I used to be able to work hard despite my illness and get good grades and show up to every class even tho I'm anxious as fuck. but now I can't, I fucking can't do anything and I'm so scared I'll lose my scholarship and financial aid stuff. I can't talk to my family about it which adds eeven more anxiety and self-loathing. they know I'm mentally ill and havee helped me w/ that but they don't know about my not doing well in school.
I feel like I'm letting down anyone who's believed in me especially my mom and my friends they've done so much for me and I wouldnt be alive without them tbh.
i'm just a lazy fuckhead who can't learn from their mistakes and I hate myyeslf more than anyone else could ever hate me. I want to work hard and do well but i just cant anymore??? fukcing i don;t know what to do shit;s bad and I'm about to cry. I'm so disappointed in myself but I can't kill myself because I have so much to do and it would hurt the people that care about me. I just want to be okay and not anxious and depressed and lazy all the time. I want to make everything okay.
you're not lazy though. that's the depression. I've been there (a million times,,) and I totally, totally understand how you're feeling rn. I'm here for you, anytime, if you ever wanna talk about anything. or on tumblr because I exist there whoops
but thank you, it really sucks to doubt yourself so much, especially when other people think I'm just being lazy, it just adds to the doubt like,,, maybe I really am lazy and not sick?
I really appreciate it, thank you so much ;_; <33