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WARNING: THIS JOURNAL HAS GRAPHIC MEDICAL-RELATED CONTENT. DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SQUICKED BY THAT.
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Thanks to a decision my parents made when I was a baby...I now have to deal with a severe health problem that, if left untreated, could kill me.

I am uncircumcised.

Now, how could that kill me? Well, it all begins with a little medical condition known as "phimosis".

In simple terms...my foreskin will no longer retract, and the hole on the end is shrinking.

I have had this condition for years, and it has grown progressively worse over that time, especially during the past year. The hole on the end of my foreskin has continued to shrink until now it is literally what they call a "pinhole". This makes it excessively difficult to urinate, so much so that it has become painful to do so. My foreskin literally inflates like a balloon whenever I pee, because it's not able to come out fast enough. This causes two problems:

1. Because of how slowly my urine passes, my system isn't able to sufficiently flush itself out

2. Urine can actually collect under the foreskin and stagnate since it cannot be retracted for cleaning

Both of those issues can, in turn, cause chronic repeat urinary tract infections...which I've had to deal with for over a year now.

This is where the "it could kill me" part comes in. Repeat chronic UTIs are very hard on the kidneys, to the point where it can actually cause kidney failure.

...I am approaching that point now...

The ultimate solution is circumcision. That's the only permanently-effective fix for phimosis as advanced as the type I have. However, this raises another problem:

I cannot afford it.

NO I AM NOT ASKING FOR MONEY. I am just stating a fact as it exists right now.

BUT, even though I cannot afford it...it still needs to be done. Or I will die.

I WILL DIE IF I DON'T GET THIS FIXED.

Money aside...I am also fucking terrified. Yes, circumcision is relatively basic and simple surgery...but it is still surgery. They are literally cutting off a part of my dick! Still, I cannot allow my fear to keep me from getting this necessary operation. As scared as I am, it bears repeating...

I WILL DIE IF I DON'T GET THIS FIXED.

So, despite being the most scared I've ever been in my entire life AND likely going to come out of this bankrupt on the other end...I'm going to get the ball rolling on getting the circumcision I need done. This means no cons for the foreseeable future, along with other yet-to-be-determined cost reductions.

This needs to be done, because despite my crippling fear and inevitable crippling debt that will result from it...I don't want to die.

...I don't want to die...