what the fuck, I need to let all of my frustration go.
I only explained most of my problem on my wish list journal so allow me to explain what is REALLY going on.
most of you have already discovered my problem but the REAL problem is the following.

I never wanted to talk about this because it's very personal and should be kept confidential (meaning it's a secret) but due to my situation I have to talk about this, really I need to talk about it so you guys can the full detail on whats going on my end.

So you all read my Wish List journal Entry where I discuss about what I wanted for Xmas and explained how I was stuck between either Pokemon Sun or Final Fantasy XV. but the decision was made and I decided to get Final Fantasy XV for the Xbox One over Pokemon Sun because as I explained to some of you via Skype, Nintendo/Game Freak has made an announcement where they are gonna do a update patch on their PokeBank App for the 3DS where you can transfer your Pokemon from the DS and 3DS Pokemon Games to Sun and Moon, However though the Update Patch won't be Available until next year on the 1st or later in January. so in other words...I have wait until another month or so for me to get Pokemon Sun for not only so I can transfer my Dream team that I have finally completed to the game but I will not use the Pokemon until almost at the end of the game. where the game ends...I don't know I never played the game but I did watch a couple of Playthroughs of the game on YouTube.

Now on to the REAL reason why I wanna talk about this. you see Unlike most of you guys are making a living by either through Commissions, Auctions and YCHs, monetizing Videos on Youtube or doing stream's on twitch, Blip.TV, Etc. or it could be In real life jobs where you could be flipping Burgers at a Fast food joint, being a janitor or hell even tutoring Kids that have learning Difficulties.

but for me and to tell you all the honest truth; I DON'T HAVE A JOB.

"wait a minute, hold the phone. you mean don't have a job at all? then how are you making a living?"

Simple: Nothing, that is because I currently living with my actual Family. because currently we are pretty much in financial vice at the moment but now they are living off of my money. more specifically my Disable Insurance.
allow me to actually explain the whole detail to why I don't have a job and is forced to live with my family which I still am today.

currently right now I am under a special but very Strict Disability Insurance due to me being Autistic, meaning I have problems communicating with other people both in media and people around me in real life, which I am trying to improve my social Skills so not only I can outgrow my Autism but also learn to be more social and i won't have my parents talk over me to other people of what I am about to say.

"really? are you seriously blaming your autism for why you can't make a living on your own, "Chris-chan?"

yes I am blaming my autism for why I can't make a living but also why i was deemed disabled by the government which it is why I am under Disability insurance in the first placed. and the reason why I consider the insurance company very strict because of their rules.

1; I am unable to get a job or make any sort of money unless it's under the table.

2: I am unable to move from my parents Residence.

if I break any of these rules or trying to find any loop holes through these rules. the insurance company I am currently under will discontinued my claim and my Family will be ruined.

"okay Chris buts whats your problem?"

my problem is I barely do ANYTHING around my families home because I was so bored out of my fucking mind I just wanted to bash my head against the wall till I am literally brain dead.

but in all seriousness I really don't do anything around the house except cleaning the house and taking out the Trash, recyclables and yard waste out to the curb every Sunday morning. and due to the fact I am at the age where I am SUPPOSE to live on my own and get a job while finishing up college and Acing the classes I am in which I am doing so right now since this is my last weak of school.

my biggest dream of getting a job is working for GameStop, despite tons of shady shit they have done over the years but I really wanted to work for them, not just because I love video games, its not just because I wanted to interact with other People and customers to get them the product they need. it's because I wanted to improve my social skills which I have been doing for a while now.

but thanks to the Disability Insurance and their fucking Strict Rules, my dream of being a GameStop employee has been Crushed. the dream I wanted to ACTUALLY support my family without having them living off my insurance is crushed and me living in a house of my own is also been crushed.

everything I always wanted to do is smashed into ashes and blown away. but what rages me even more is that my mother WAS a GameStop Employee at one point but she was fired because the fucking idiots. the people of 24/7 snap fitness AKA the fucking GYM, the person who owns the building that is part of the 24/7 snap fitness and the Game Stop decided to sell the business of that building where my Mom's work once was to 24/7 snap fitness. not only that but Game Stop currently being filed for a lawsuit for not letting my mother back in her job because of her disability, her back problem from Scoliosis, which limits her abilities and movement. therefore Violating the American's with Disability Act.

but here's the thing though. just because I am autistic doesn't mean it cripples my performance. I do not have ANY back problem or other injuries that limits my mobility and my communication issues can be resolve which I am doing right now, therefore making her Back problem disability and my Communication issue disability COMPLETELY different.

but then when I told her I wanted to work for Game Stop, what she ended doing is using her disability and what happened with her while she was working for Game Stop and implied it on me therefore hindering me of what i can or can't do. which was both depressing and infuriating.

just because I can be bipolar (Being honest & focused or bored & lazy) doesn't mean I can't do things that she can't.
I maybe her son but there are things I can overcome, I have so much potential that she failed to see or understand.
which is why I rely on talking to my father because not only he is calm and collected but he fully understands how I felt and always be man of his word. why my mother most of the time never fulfill her word and when she does, it's already to late.

she said be back in a few minute, she'll be gone for almost an hour if not longer. I can understand that Patience is future but this was getting fucking ridiculous.

so yeah my whole is I am trapped in my own cage while my own family is living off of MY money to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomach. and its down right depressing that I can't get a job nor leave the house to live on my own. while every single one of you is possibly living the dream you wanted. to be frankly honest and to be very blunt. I FUCKING HATE THAT!!

So now I am willing to say this to start asking for donations (By Xbox live currency and/or Nintendo E shop money cards. I don't have or use Pay Pal or other Money websites) since due to fact I can't make a living unless its under the table and my allowance is extremely rare to get. therefore I am physically broke.

if you guys can at least help me out by sparing $5 or so in Xbox Live or Nintendo E Shop currency codes that'll be great.
if not then that's okay, it would be more appreciated if you spread the word and lend me a hand.

for those that are currently helping me right now. thank you I'll take anything I could get and it's better than nothing at all.

that is all.