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Heart Broken and Lost, Rest in Peace my Brother
9 years ago
General
Today marks a very sad day for me, our friends, and our family.
2016 has been rife with taking people who mean things to you, be it with music or acting but it's harder when it is a person who is so close to you and your heart.
I've not had to go through the loss of a parent yet, mostly family but not immediate.. which is why this has taken me by complete surprise.
To start, my own father is in hospital again with kidneys failing (hoping that they've caught it again in time) so I know people are probably thinking that this is about him. It isn't.
There is one person who made my life better, who has been closer than any of my family has been.. and we grew up together. I've lost my best friend, my brother, my partner in crime and I don't know how to handle this.
If you know me, you know Levi. We've always been the terrible two's harassing people in and out of streams, causing havoc with friends but suddenly knowing that my angle is gone forever doesn't want to set in.
Through every bad period of my life there was always Levi, Brian if you know him personally, and he would always be the person to lift my head up and tell me "It's going to be alright," and I'm shaking knowing that he's never going to be there to do that anymore. Lost isn't the right word for this.
I want to be angry at him for leaving me. I want to be angry at God for taking him away but I'll always have that voice of his in the back of my head telling me to keep going and glaring at me when I don't do what he'd consider to be the best thing.
There is not one single bad thing I could say about him. His brother and I grew up together and Levi and I became really close in Highschool... I drew furries back then (not knowing there was a fandom) and together we made our own characters... my Panda Dako and his Korevo which you can see on his page today.
He is one of the reasons I'm here. He introduced me to the fandom properly in 2012 with firekitty in skype. I met alcapwny and neeco.
He is why I made the life that I did today. He is the reason I draw anymore and didn't give up years ago. If I've ever drawn for you, it's because of him.
Kevin, his brother, said something on the phone earlier today "He wanted you to find someone that loved you more than he did," in reference to Stu. There are no words to tell you how much I loved Levi, closer than family, it's almost like your husband just died.
Please know friends, he went peacefully. He's suffered too long, and now he doesn't have to any longer. As sudden and surprising as it is, I hope that those of you who knew him are in like mind of there was never anything poor to say about him. He would have given the shirt off of his back for anyone. It never mattered who you were, he'd out gift you if you even dared do something nice for him.
That is the person I aspire to be. I want to be like you Brian.
To Levi,
You have no idea how much I will miss you, and I know that you'd always read my journals and I feel like this is how I can connect to you. The more I write the more I'm losing it. I just want you to come back, there are so many things we still need to do. You were going to be my dad in my wedding and walk me down the aisle. We had just talked about it, and from that moment to now you're gone. I told Kevin I'm going come home to say good bye to you and I know you're saying no, but I need to see you again. I don't care how I get there, I need you.
Believe me you'll be missed more than anyone I know. Your brother just posted a really lovely letter letting facebook know what has happened. He loves you so much and you better be up there making your dad and grandpa eat loads of food. They must need you now. I'm stealing Korevo and Jose, and I'll do those pictures you wanted me to do. Don't worry, we won't let them go.
I love you. For always.
2016 has been rife with taking people who mean things to you, be it with music or acting but it's harder when it is a person who is so close to you and your heart.
I've not had to go through the loss of a parent yet, mostly family but not immediate.. which is why this has taken me by complete surprise.
To start, my own father is in hospital again with kidneys failing (hoping that they've caught it again in time) so I know people are probably thinking that this is about him. It isn't.
There is one person who made my life better, who has been closer than any of my family has been.. and we grew up together. I've lost my best friend, my brother, my partner in crime and I don't know how to handle this.
If you know me, you know Levi. We've always been the terrible two's harassing people in and out of streams, causing havoc with friends but suddenly knowing that my angle is gone forever doesn't want to set in.
Through every bad period of my life there was always Levi, Brian if you know him personally, and he would always be the person to lift my head up and tell me "It's going to be alright," and I'm shaking knowing that he's never going to be there to do that anymore. Lost isn't the right word for this.
I want to be angry at him for leaving me. I want to be angry at God for taking him away but I'll always have that voice of his in the back of my head telling me to keep going and glaring at me when I don't do what he'd consider to be the best thing.
There is not one single bad thing I could say about him. His brother and I grew up together and Levi and I became really close in Highschool... I drew furries back then (not knowing there was a fandom) and together we made our own characters... my Panda Dako and his Korevo which you can see on his page today.
He is one of the reasons I'm here. He introduced me to the fandom properly in 2012 with firekitty in skype. I met alcapwny and neeco.
He is why I made the life that I did today. He is the reason I draw anymore and didn't give up years ago. If I've ever drawn for you, it's because of him.
Kevin, his brother, said something on the phone earlier today "He wanted you to find someone that loved you more than he did," in reference to Stu. There are no words to tell you how much I loved Levi, closer than family, it's almost like your husband just died.
Please know friends, he went peacefully. He's suffered too long, and now he doesn't have to any longer. As sudden and surprising as it is, I hope that those of you who knew him are in like mind of there was never anything poor to say about him. He would have given the shirt off of his back for anyone. It never mattered who you were, he'd out gift you if you even dared do something nice for him.
That is the person I aspire to be. I want to be like you Brian.
To Levi,
You have no idea how much I will miss you, and I know that you'd always read my journals and I feel like this is how I can connect to you. The more I write the more I'm losing it. I just want you to come back, there are so many things we still need to do. You were going to be my dad in my wedding and walk me down the aisle. We had just talked about it, and from that moment to now you're gone. I told Kevin I'm going come home to say good bye to you and I know you're saying no, but I need to see you again. I don't care how I get there, I need you.
Believe me you'll be missed more than anyone I know. Your brother just posted a really lovely letter letting facebook know what has happened. He loves you so much and you better be up there making your dad and grandpa eat loads of food. They must need you now. I'm stealing Korevo and Jose, and I'll do those pictures you wanted me to do. Don't worry, we won't let them go.
I love you. For always.
rest in peace Levi
I'll light a candle for him today, bless his soul. Rest in Peace friend, I'm sad I never knew you.
*hugs you tight* Thoughts with you, his friends and family right now. xxxx
Hugs you !
your friends are here for you <3
And all the strength to get through such difficult time.
I needed time to process that it happened
Miss him too, he's always been a bright spot. Things won't be the same without him around
Stay strong
I believe that Levi will always be proud of who you are and how far you've come, as he watches over you as you continue through both the good and bad of life.
As long as we hold people in both our memories and in our hearts, they will never disappear. Always remember those who made your life brighter and filled your heart with love.
I don't want to overstep my boundaries, so I'll end by saying "Keep going. You can do this."
I am so happy to have talked to him. He was one more human than anyone i have ever met, he was sweet, caring and wonderful. I will miss him so much...
I am so sad i never got to return your gift guys... Its one of my favorite pictures ever...
My condolences lapres... I crying my eyes out
It seems like a paradoxical big/small world... I never knew him, but I saw in his journal the mention of Sutter Sacramento. I live in the Sacramento region, and while I am not involved with many furs in the area, it's somewhat of a shock to find out that a part of the community passed away so near. What a miserable year this has been... My condolences to you and yours.
I can only imagine the weight of your loss, for loosing someone so close, by knowing my own pain for loosing my dearest grandpa midyear..
From an unknown fur that have no words to help you feel better.. they live in our hears via our memories of them.. cherish those good memories.. may your heart heal.
Prayers for the family and you are heading to you strong.
I've known him since we met on a Star Fox fan board called Outside the Greatfox.
And now he's gone... just like that.
They say that misery loves company... don't worry, you're not alone in this...
RIP Levi. You left us way too early.
I'll be thinking of you
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what else to say.
rest in peace safe travels Levi
Rest in Peace Levi.
I know this feeling. And there are no words, my condolences or I'm sorry for your loss just... it just feels too little, like it belittles what just vanished from your life. Or at least, it did for me.
*inhales* But it's been 11 years now since my mother and back then at times, my only friend, passed away painfully, violently, right in front of me. This never goes away... and it gets harder every time the date comes around.
But it gets easier. With time. It really does.
But until then, do whatever you need to to grieve, be it to cry, rage, travel... try not to slow it down by shame or thinking it's too much or too long or anything like that. Grief is personal. It takes different shapes for us all.
If I could hold you and just sit and listen while you tell me whatever you want to say about Levi, I would.
I caught him way too few times in your streams, but you are absolutely right.
I have nothing but good memories of him.
I hope he rests in peace. <3
From my hearth, my best wishes go to you and I hope his soul will find peace.
It's going to sting, for a very long time, but that pain is only so deep because they were so wonderful, and it makes you treasure every memory you have. Bear through the pain and keep them in your heart. Honor their memory and they never really leave you. And find a shoulder to lean on and cry it out from time to time, it's okay and no one who really cares for you will think any less of you for it.
Good luck, may he rest in peace, and may you find that special someone he wanted you to find.