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[Dad joke] What's the best Christmas gift in the world?
9 years ago
General
a broken drum.
There's just nothing that can beat it.
There's just nothing that can beat it.
Though chances are, the daddy will break you.
Let's start slow.. Just the tip, per say~!
Knock Knock,
Who's there?
Youfa.
Youfa who?
Youfa-got to shut the back door~!
Come in~!
Oh, I Already did!
I used to hate going to church as a kid.
All this standing up, sitting down, kneeling;
I wished the priest would just pick a position and fuck me!
I got a dick full of helium, I'll FUCK you UP~!
Yo mama's so stupid that she though that last joke was funny!
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Handled the tip, huh?
READY for the GURTH?
I had a near death experience once, that's when I met God.
Everyone got to only ask him 3 questions each.
So I asked him, "May I ask, what is a million years to you?"
God replied, "It's like a second in my eyes."
I asked another question, "Well what's a billion dollars to you?"
God replied, "It's a mere penny to me."
So I nodded and thought before I asked my 3rd question,
"Hey God, can you give me a penny?"
God said, "Sure, just wait a second."
A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says,
"My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks."
The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says,
"What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."
Going balls deep now~!
With the Killing Joke~!
There were two guys locked in a lunatic asylum and one night...
one night, they decided they didn't like that anymore. They decided to escape.
So, they made it up to the roof and there, just across this narrow gap,
they see rooftops, stretching across town, stretching to freedom.
Now, the first guy, he jumps right across, no problem.
But his friend, oh, no way, he's afraid of falling.
So, the first guy has an idea. He says,
"Hey, I got this flashlight with me. I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me."
But the second guy says,
"What do you think I am, crazy? You'll just turn it off when I'm halfway across!"