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A brief summary of 2016: the flaming turd that flew right by
9 years ago
General
As of writing we have 3 days left of 2016 and usually I should wait till new years eve before giving my 2 cents about the year. I can't wait that long because I fear the world might destroy itself by then. So as typical here is a list of world events that shat in the face of us all, written by a sad cynical inbread who's best friend is a Wolf. Enjoy mother fuckers, you earnt it.
1) Brexit
Never had a nation devided itself on a subject since the whole "marmite gate". Half wanted to leave. Half wanted to stay. The real results of the vote affected more than the EU membership, it gave us a new PM. It gave us a vicious back stabbing platform as we watched MPS and mad men fight for that big seat on top until they all decided "fuck it, this boat looks unstable. Nope!". And thus Miss May was made PM by default and the whole nation went "Oh dear, wish we said stay" but hay that's us British folks!
2) the Trump presidency
Out of the two people running for office you voted for him? ....fair enough I mean let's face it you'd be burning down cars anyway with or without him so all we can hope for is that he, I don't know, gets distracted by some jingling keys or a Mexican or a gay or a black or any non white Christian male.
3) the Olympics in Rip
Ummmm...Yeah we missed it....all of it....we forgot it was on. Sorry Brazil! You had the biggest event on the planet and more people watched baking than you. Maybe next time have a dog on a trampoline. People like that apparently
4) dead celebs
I could list them but I'd feel sad. Carrie Fisher died the same time I watched Rouge one so maybe if I watch Top Gear we can snuff those three dinosaurs off. And how ironic for George Michael to died on Christmas right before he coulf cash in his royalties. All these people are dying and yet Keith Richards and Ozzy seem to get younger, like something from Highlander.
Anyway this rounds things off. I'd like to thank you all for reading this. I know it's stupid and full of spelling mistakes but fuck it, I'm drinking buck fizz and couldn't give a shit. I'd like to give a special thanks to the Queen for her speech this year and not breaking down in tears. How inspiring...
Now fuck off and enjoy 2016 while you can.
1) Brexit
Never had a nation devided itself on a subject since the whole "marmite gate". Half wanted to leave. Half wanted to stay. The real results of the vote affected more than the EU membership, it gave us a new PM. It gave us a vicious back stabbing platform as we watched MPS and mad men fight for that big seat on top until they all decided "fuck it, this boat looks unstable. Nope!". And thus Miss May was made PM by default and the whole nation went "Oh dear, wish we said stay" but hay that's us British folks!
2) the Trump presidency
Out of the two people running for office you voted for him? ....fair enough I mean let's face it you'd be burning down cars anyway with or without him so all we can hope for is that he, I don't know, gets distracted by some jingling keys or a Mexican or a gay or a black or any non white Christian male.
3) the Olympics in Rip
Ummmm...Yeah we missed it....all of it....we forgot it was on. Sorry Brazil! You had the biggest event on the planet and more people watched baking than you. Maybe next time have a dog on a trampoline. People like that apparently
4) dead celebs
I could list them but I'd feel sad. Carrie Fisher died the same time I watched Rouge one so maybe if I watch Top Gear we can snuff those three dinosaurs off. And how ironic for George Michael to died on Christmas right before he coulf cash in his royalties. All these people are dying and yet Keith Richards and Ozzy seem to get younger, like something from Highlander.
Anyway this rounds things off. I'd like to thank you all for reading this. I know it's stupid and full of spelling mistakes but fuck it, I'm drinking buck fizz and couldn't give a shit. I'd like to give a special thanks to the Queen for her speech this year and not breaking down in tears. How inspiring...
Now fuck off and enjoy 2016 while you can.
Tig
~tig
Oi feck off, I liked top gear.
