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Random thoughts
9 years ago
Finally got some rest. Since starting hormones I've been having extremely vivid dreams. It's amazing most of the time. When I wake up I'm overwhelmed that it wasn't real. The last 4 days though I've had trouble staying asleep. Only managing a few hours of rest each night. I've been useless. And all through the holidays I was just crap at life too. The holidays just bum me out so much. It's hard to even get out of bed. Depression is not good. What little family I have doesn't invite me to anything anymore. Cuz I'm trans I guess. And atheist. :/ I don't know. Hard to say. I'm so glad it's over though. Seeing everyone hanging with family and friends. Talking about good times really gets to me. I tried to stay off the internet but it's impossible. I got some work done but not nearly enough. So back to it and hopefully I'll have some new work posted soon and more often.
I spent most of life extremely unhappy and depressed. Suicidal until a few months ago. Soon after I began hormone therapy I started to find value in myself. I knew then it was definitely the right decision. If I have to sacrifice everything else to continue being happy then that's what will happen. It's your decision of course but you might never be happy if you don't at least explore your options and see where they lead you. And I can tell you that waiting will make it harder to transition. I'm in my late 30's and I worry that I won't pass. It's looking okay so far but who knows. I'm hopeful because I'm only 3 months into hrt. I have a lot of time still and I just started on a full dose of estradiol yesterday. But my point is make sure you take care of yourself. Family can surprise you. It might go better than you think. Try to have your own place before you do though. Last thing you need is to be on the street. I did at 17 and it was a nightmare.
Thanks! I'm rooting for me too haha :D Goodluck to you. I hope you figure things out.
I'll keep you updated! :D
There are some subreddits that are helpful if you're feeling lonely or need to chat as well. Asktransgender and MTF are where I usually hang out. Discord groups also. Lots of resources online of course. You may know of them already.