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Just seems so strange....
9 years ago
Anger and Hatred are the Tools of Destruction
I guess I just had one of those thought provoking moments where I really ask myself what I'm doing with my life. For the most part I'm pretty well off. Don't really make much but the benefits of being in the Army more then out weight my paycheck for the month lol. To be perfectly honest I don't like where I am stationed, it would take quite a while to fully explain it. I'm graduating AIT next week and hopefully leave for my duty station wherever that might be.
It's been a crazy past 6 years with more then a few bumps along the road. From losing friends along the way to more then a few heartaches. Relationships seem to be one of those things I just cant make ends meet with. Every time I try to form one it just turns into a mess and leaves me in a state of sever depression. I guess I just don't have the best of self confidence and more or less when things go wrong I'm pretty hard on myself. I think that, for the most part I have grown a lot over the past 6 years. I was childish and very emotionally unstable. I guess nowadays I just try to hide what's really going on from everyone unless your part of a close circle of friends I have to really know whats up. Nothing against anyway it's just I don't feel its my place to be talking about my problems with everyone. What's more frustrating is the fact that I keep seem to be having the same problems after all these years, I just wish I could get over them because in the long wrong my emotional tendencies get the better of me and just override logic which can be especially dangerous.
The Army has taught me many things, most of them I don't think were what they would expect. I've learned to work with people I don't like and not get so easily frustrated with people over things they said to me which I guess I have managed better over these long 11 months. I still have a lot to work on, don't get me wrong. I suppose I've come down with what some people call "an existence crisis" where one finds themselves asking who they really are and what their purpose is on this crazy world. More times then not I find myself reflecting on past events that I feel embarrassed and ashamed of. I have no control over what has happened in the past, however I do have control over current events that effect the future and for the most part I think I am doing well.
It's been a crazy past 6 years with more then a few bumps along the road. From losing friends along the way to more then a few heartaches. Relationships seem to be one of those things I just cant make ends meet with. Every time I try to form one it just turns into a mess and leaves me in a state of sever depression. I guess I just don't have the best of self confidence and more or less when things go wrong I'm pretty hard on myself. I think that, for the most part I have grown a lot over the past 6 years. I was childish and very emotionally unstable. I guess nowadays I just try to hide what's really going on from everyone unless your part of a close circle of friends I have to really know whats up. Nothing against anyway it's just I don't feel its my place to be talking about my problems with everyone. What's more frustrating is the fact that I keep seem to be having the same problems after all these years, I just wish I could get over them because in the long wrong my emotional tendencies get the better of me and just override logic which can be especially dangerous.
The Army has taught me many things, most of them I don't think were what they would expect. I've learned to work with people I don't like and not get so easily frustrated with people over things they said to me which I guess I have managed better over these long 11 months. I still have a lot to work on, don't get me wrong. I suppose I've come down with what some people call "an existence crisis" where one finds themselves asking who they really are and what their purpose is on this crazy world. More times then not I find myself reflecting on past events that I feel embarrassed and ashamed of. I have no control over what has happened in the past, however I do have control over current events that effect the future and for the most part I think I am doing well.
BlueRavenfire
~ravenfire5
I think you have come a long way over the years, of course no one is perfect and falling back in bad old habits can often happen, just as long your learn to grow from those experiences. and it's no surprise you are at that point where your not sure where your going in life, no one really does at this stage at their life. so it is understandable why you wanted to join the army so you at least have some sense of purpose and path to lead where your going. so best of luck with the rest of your training and hope it all lends to a good career for you.
