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Losing to my depression.
9 years ago
I know this is something that a lot of people deal with so it might not be new or anything. I don't usually have problems with depression because I can usually handle any situation that floats my way pretty easily.
I'm the strong one. The one everyone can rely on.
I'm pretty good with advice and dealing with "adult" related things, like finances and the like.
But with both of my jobs losing hours, I feel like I'm constantly busting my ass for no reason. For example, over the last two days, I worked 26 hours, jobs back to back, and I'll be lucky if I can afford my bills this month. I don't want to ask for help from my fiancee because he already works a ton and has bills of his own. I feel punished on my days off since I'm not working or making money. I hate having days off when I can't spend them with my SO because I'm lonely and it doesn't help me not think about my anxiety over going blind and being stuck at dead end jobs. I can't drive, and this is a reason that I can't move up in retail/fast food because they need someone that can do bank runs, but they don't make an exception for my disability. I was turned down a position at my long time job once because I couldn't drive, so I've been paranoid ever since about applying anywhere where I might be qualified for a management position since they'll be disappointed when I have to tell them that I'm visually impaired and they immediately dismiss me for it. They don't even give me a chance. Don't get me wrong, I love my jobs, but I can't take being rejected for a position that I know I can do, but they discriminate due to my disability. I know this is technically illegal, but no one cares about peons in a company.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I appreciate that you're here, and I don't mind doing free commissions, but free doesn't pay my bills. I'm not trying to be rude or inconsiderate, but every time someone asks me or tries to persuade me into doing free art, I get discouraged. Like, I'm not worth paying to do my work. I don't know if you realize it, but for me, doing this is a miracle in itself. I know I'm not going to be able to do it someday, I'm going to lose everything that I love to do, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I don't want to waste money on a degree.
My main question is "Should I even offer commissions anymore?" or should I just draw for my own happiness?
Unfortunately, happiness doesn't pay for anything, but it's not like I have people knocking down my door to pay for my services either. This isn't my full time job, as much as I wish it was, but I don't have the time or the resources to dedicate my life to this.
I'm stuck. I need help.
Just my current thoughts. You can dismiss this if you feel it's unimportant.
I appreciate all feedback and advice.
I'm the strong one. The one everyone can rely on.
I'm pretty good with advice and dealing with "adult" related things, like finances and the like.
But with both of my jobs losing hours, I feel like I'm constantly busting my ass for no reason. For example, over the last two days, I worked 26 hours, jobs back to back, and I'll be lucky if I can afford my bills this month. I don't want to ask for help from my fiancee because he already works a ton and has bills of his own. I feel punished on my days off since I'm not working or making money. I hate having days off when I can't spend them with my SO because I'm lonely and it doesn't help me not think about my anxiety over going blind and being stuck at dead end jobs. I can't drive, and this is a reason that I can't move up in retail/fast food because they need someone that can do bank runs, but they don't make an exception for my disability. I was turned down a position at my long time job once because I couldn't drive, so I've been paranoid ever since about applying anywhere where I might be qualified for a management position since they'll be disappointed when I have to tell them that I'm visually impaired and they immediately dismiss me for it. They don't even give me a chance. Don't get me wrong, I love my jobs, but I can't take being rejected for a position that I know I can do, but they discriminate due to my disability. I know this is technically illegal, but no one cares about peons in a company.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I appreciate that you're here, and I don't mind doing free commissions, but free doesn't pay my bills. I'm not trying to be rude or inconsiderate, but every time someone asks me or tries to persuade me into doing free art, I get discouraged. Like, I'm not worth paying to do my work. I don't know if you realize it, but for me, doing this is a miracle in itself. I know I'm not going to be able to do it someday, I'm going to lose everything that I love to do, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I don't want to waste money on a degree.
My main question is "Should I even offer commissions anymore?" or should I just draw for my own happiness?
Unfortunately, happiness doesn't pay for anything, but it's not like I have people knocking down my door to pay for my services either. This isn't my full time job, as much as I wish it was, but I don't have the time or the resources to dedicate my life to this.
I'm stuck. I need help.
Just my current thoughts. You can dismiss this if you feel it's unimportant.
I appreciate all feedback and advice.
As for freebies, just say no; if they like your art enough to ask, they should like it enough to give you something tangible, (ie. spendable), for it. Times are tough, ya gotta be hard-headed.
But really, a commission is a commission. Something you get paid for. If you're doing it for free, it's a request, and most people don't do those specifically because they have situations in their life that do not accommodate that level of generosity. It's not a matter of being mean, it's a matter of being practical.