It's just that I have been through so much shit in the past, it was just shocking for me, and I honestly wanted to kill myself.

It's like I am fucking cursed. All this hard hitting events, all revolving around me was just unbearable, I wanted to die.

In fact, I probably felt like going insane, like i wanted to ram a chainsaw through someone's face.

Like, at school, there was this girl, who NEVER.
SHUTS.
UP.
AND NEVER.
LEAVES.
ME.
ALONE.
She was SO ANNOYING, I wanted to take sledgehammer and just SMASH her head into pieces. I was almost up to the point, where I should've just smashed her head on a table at that point. She's expelled now, so that's a silver lining.

I am stuck with subjects at school, that have ABSOLUTELY NO connection to what I want to do in my future, which is designing things. I got Maths, English, Health and Systems Engineering, which were subjects that i did last year. What i also did last year was Media and Visual Communications. Now those are ones that I WANTED to do, cause it involved things like art and games and designing and such. Systems Engineering is one I chose, because it involves building things. And i like building things.
Maths also cause well...what else was there?
But Health was chosen by the staff of the school, because there was one other subject that I wanted to do, but that was taken out.
And English is compulsory. You have to pass that subject, or else you'll fail, and THAT'S the subject I have the most stress on. All the others, those don't matter, but ENGLISH??? FAHKING ENGLISH is the WORST. It's just so stressful, I panic everytime when I have to hand in homework. And the fact that you HAVE to pass this subject to make it through the year just makes it even more stressful.
So I'm stuck with the subjects that have NOTHING to do with my wanted future.

So to sum it all up...

I'm completely fucked.

God hates me. For SOME GODDAMN REASON.

I am legit terrified right now to even read my comments. I don't even want to catch one glimpse of them.

My life is just a down ward spiral at this point that's it. Whenever something happens, involving me, it just gets worse, and worse and WORSE.

You know what? I'm just gonna predict this. On my birthday...something terrible is going to happen, like a car crash, or a house fire...and I am going to die.
There, I said it.
I am going to die horribly on my birthday.

If i don't make it through the day, i just want to let you all know. I love you all. Thank you all for all the support in the past, and I will miss you deeply.

Unless if there is some kind of miracle, if I do survive through my birthday...

"There is a god.
And his name...is "deez nuts."" - Pyrocynical

Thank you all.