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Catch up on things
8 years ago
Well its been a while since I've given a big run down of whats been going on (besides that one dark journal which no longer exists)
Well back in September I experienced CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which was a great helped, it helped for a great time, possibly better than I could have ever expected, I changed my way of thinking, which I thought I could have never done, my time was spent being happy and complacent with where I was.
I had managed to develop a few great friendships and get myself involved in a few amazing groups via discord, I felt included, content and happy into feeling I was part of a small group of friends, everything was going great.
Our flat was doing great and we both managed to put a bit of money aside, even if it was pittance, to me it was a bonus. Christmas and New year came and went, what happens usually when you're in retail especially with sales, but that paid off with some great paychecks
Then half way through January I felt my world was turned upside down, my actions had set myself up, I'd dropped into a nasty pit of speaking out, expressing my views about certain individuals (who will remain anonymous) as well as trying to discuss different ideals, clashes happened, things were said, friendships were broken, all from me feeling comfortable with expressing something and from this I felt like I had gained a infamous reputation. Before I knew it all I'd done was unraveled before me and the thoughts are back even worse now.
And now I'm here, part of nothing and left even less than what I started on, my art has plummeted to virtually nothing, I barely draw now, just can't find the motivation, and anything I do I don't finish because I see no point, I no longer upload here as I feel scared and uncomfortable with doing so.
Well back in September I experienced CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which was a great helped, it helped for a great time, possibly better than I could have ever expected, I changed my way of thinking, which I thought I could have never done, my time was spent being happy and complacent with where I was.
I had managed to develop a few great friendships and get myself involved in a few amazing groups via discord, I felt included, content and happy into feeling I was part of a small group of friends, everything was going great.
Our flat was doing great and we both managed to put a bit of money aside, even if it was pittance, to me it was a bonus. Christmas and New year came and went, what happens usually when you're in retail especially with sales, but that paid off with some great paychecks
Then half way through January I felt my world was turned upside down, my actions had set myself up, I'd dropped into a nasty pit of speaking out, expressing my views about certain individuals (who will remain anonymous) as well as trying to discuss different ideals, clashes happened, things were said, friendships were broken, all from me feeling comfortable with expressing something and from this I felt like I had gained a infamous reputation. Before I knew it all I'd done was unraveled before me and the thoughts are back even worse now.
And now I'm here, part of nothing and left even less than what I started on, my art has plummeted to virtually nothing, I barely draw now, just can't find the motivation, and anything I do I don't finish because I see no point, I no longer upload here as I feel scared and uncomfortable with doing so.
~Ender
It is much appreciated the kind words
Things needed to be said regardless of what they were, im sure it was something bothering you for a long time.
A loss of friends or people who arent comfortable with the way you feel or how you express them is what i would call toxic to the own mental health, please never rely on those relationships. Although i understand the pain you must feel now, you have to stay open and think of the people remaining who understood and are happy with you for your change and archievements you made. Struggeling is part of it but in the end you know where u came from and who shared their path with you. keep it up! after all you are the one who decides about your life.
As for the drawings dont feel obliged to draw, have some doodles or studies if you feel like it but its no shame to take a break, drawing is for the fun isnt it?
take lots of love and hugs, admire the litte things and dont forget to be always honest to yourself i believe in you.
True, it'll only get worse I guess right?
Mmmm true, it'll only make you worse if it makes you ill like that. Yeah guess it just hurts when you thought some people actually cared, but guess its better now than later really. Aye its only part of it and doesn't last together, thanks Avezola.
True, drawing has got to be fun, when it becomes a chore then its lost its meaning. Just need to surround myself with good stuff, thanks for the wise words