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Coming out
8 years ago
General
Lots of things have happened over the course of this year. I've had, as always, some ups and downs, some remarkable momentos and some that I would rather forget. Nothing new under the sun, other than the slightly overwhelming feeling of being close to the inevitable end of my college studies and the impending threat of real life becoming more and more palpable. I can see it, I can smell it, I can sense it, but it is still behind a gate which will open —if all goes well— next December.
And it's frightening.
So as doom encroaches and looms over my fragile hopes and dreams of a better future, I've been meaning to get my life in order. To define and redefine myself and to get things straight on a personal level. I'm trying to be more positive, stick to a healthier schedule (particularly getting more than five hours of sleep per night), learn to be more tolerant and open to opinions that diverge from mine, and generally forge my identity, with all the quirks and oddities that make me up. I am not a teenager —as tough as it is to accept and embrace— so it is both a blessing and a challenge to now face the future without having to pretend so that others might like you and include you in their social groups.
Those simple high school days are over, and it is time for me to be who I truly am.
So lately I've been reading a lot, getting to know people in my community and listening to their stories, their lives, their struggles. It really does help to empathize with people and try to imagine living their joys and pains. It highlights how complex people are in real life. Nobody is a hero, nobody is a villain. We are all in-between.
[TL;DR] All this has helped me realize something about myself: I am asexual
I'd heard the term before, but never cared to give it too much thought. I have never been a fan of categorizing and putting people into boxes. But I have come to realize that there is comfort to be found in being able to belong to a particular community. Just in the same way joining FA for the first time felt like I was no longer alone, being conscious about my sexuality has helped me explain why I think the way I do, or why I feel differently about things that many people find so mundane. Diversity is such an underrated blessing.
I thought I would like to come out here in FA before doing so in real life, as a first step, just to see how that goes. Someday I want to feel confident saying "I am asexual, bi-romantic and proud" out loud, so for now, I'll openly embrace that statement online. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
Feel free to ask any questions you have, leave your thoughts on the issue, say hi (I've been remarkably inactive, and I should apologize for that), or express any opinions you might have. This is not a topic where I am 100% knowledgeable about, so it is always helpful to find out more through an open and diverse dialogue. I would be glad to hear if there is anyone who identifies as asexual as well.
Thanks for sticking around and caring for what I do. You are all my biggest source of motivation and I'll be forever thankful for all your comments, +favs, and +watches.
Please keep being awesome. The wold seriously needs more of that!
And it's frightening.
So as doom encroaches and looms over my fragile hopes and dreams of a better future, I've been meaning to get my life in order. To define and redefine myself and to get things straight on a personal level. I'm trying to be more positive, stick to a healthier schedule (particularly getting more than five hours of sleep per night), learn to be more tolerant and open to opinions that diverge from mine, and generally forge my identity, with all the quirks and oddities that make me up. I am not a teenager —as tough as it is to accept and embrace— so it is both a blessing and a challenge to now face the future without having to pretend so that others might like you and include you in their social groups.
Those simple high school days are over, and it is time for me to be who I truly am.
So lately I've been reading a lot, getting to know people in my community and listening to their stories, their lives, their struggles. It really does help to empathize with people and try to imagine living their joys and pains. It highlights how complex people are in real life. Nobody is a hero, nobody is a villain. We are all in-between.
[TL;DR] All this has helped me realize something about myself: I am asexual
I'd heard the term before, but never cared to give it too much thought. I have never been a fan of categorizing and putting people into boxes. But I have come to realize that there is comfort to be found in being able to belong to a particular community. Just in the same way joining FA for the first time felt like I was no longer alone, being conscious about my sexuality has helped me explain why I think the way I do, or why I feel differently about things that many people find so mundane. Diversity is such an underrated blessing.
I thought I would like to come out here in FA before doing so in real life, as a first step, just to see how that goes. Someday I want to feel confident saying "I am asexual, bi-romantic and proud" out loud, so for now, I'll openly embrace that statement online. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
Feel free to ask any questions you have, leave your thoughts on the issue, say hi (I've been remarkably inactive, and I should apologize for that), or express any opinions you might have. This is not a topic where I am 100% knowledgeable about, so it is always helpful to find out more through an open and diverse dialogue. I would be glad to hear if there is anyone who identifies as asexual as well.
Thanks for sticking around and caring for what I do. You are all my biggest source of motivation and I'll be forever thankful for all your comments, +favs, and +watches.
Please keep being awesome. The wold seriously needs more of that!
And I get your point, since at first I was also a bit... should I say... skeptic about asexuality as well. After all it has been well established that life implies the need for preserving the species by passing along the genetic information through inheritance. While I understand that it should somewhat be a driving force for any living thing out there... I don't have that drive. I just have a hard time thinking about it or imagining me in any sexual context. I mean, I'm not physically attracted to any gender: I can subjectively say someone is handsome or beautiful, from my perspective, but it inspires no interest beyond that point.
Irl I have been on a relationship, but I never went past the emotional attraction I felt for that person. I cared for her but I never wished to go any further than that. However, to be fair, I have not yet performed any hormonal tests to ensure it isn't a deficiency as you mention, but all my life I have never had the —let's say— desire to go beyond an deeply affective (yet not in a physical way) interaction with anyone I've met. And I don't see myself going beyond that either.
Sorry for the wall of text... And I hope my words made at least some sense. Thanks for sharing your opinion :D
At any rate I've known I was asexual long before I knew the term for it. Labels are convenient in the sense it makes talking about it easier.
I just wanted to share an update on my life precisely in the hopes that anyone who is unsure about their own sexuality or identity can see that there is no harm done from being honest and identifying oneself under a particular community. It is just a word. Nothing more than that, right?
Jokes aside, I am glad to know and to see people who I admire (seriously, your stories are superb) also identify with this preference. Being open and conscious about it, as well as being able to speak about it with others, helps us understand ourselves better and plus get to know some really cool people out there.
And for what it's worth I really liked the rest of what you wrote - the stuff about trying to empathize with all sorts of peoples and seeing how things are more complicated than any one group being all good or all evil etc. etc.. Things are being pushed to such extremes these days that it's nice to read that kind of nuance.
Best of luck to you with school and everything else!
Certainly the polarizing media can be a bit too divisive, and keeping a neutral position is not always an easy thing to do, but it is certainly worth the effort when it allows you to relate with such interesting and awesome people like yourself! I hope you are having a great week so far, and that you can achieve any goals you might set now and onwards. If you ever need somebody to speak with, I'd be glad to be that person. Take care and don't stop being awesome. :D