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Am I unapproachable? How does one fix that?
8 years ago
Should I rephrase this? Nah, nevermind. It's gonna get misinterpreted anyway.
Hey guys. Heh, you know it occurs to me now that I've never made a journal that addresses my watchers in a familiar and conversational sort of way, and that may have contributed to the problem I'm having. You see, I've been getting into a few hypnosis groups on Telegram, and I've been quite pleasantly surprised to find that I have some fans there. That was something that I didn't really expect to find. I don't really do what I do for fame or accolades. I write and share my stories because I enjoy writing, and because sharing it can make people happy. I know that writers don't get nearly the attention that artists do, and I felt like I'd made my peace with that long ago. The thing that gets to me is that when I tell my friends about this recent surprise find they all act like I should've known this already. "Well of course you've got lots of fans out there. You've got 600 watchers, closing in on 20,000 page views. There's obviously some people interested in you!" Yeah, it sounds pretty compelling when phrased like that. I guess I just put more emotional weight on other kinds of feedback. When it takes a great story that I worked very hard on three months to accrue 20 favorites, and a couple comments from six people, four of whom were friends of mine, that lends itself very nicely to the perception that my content is just being quietly ignored. Sure that's been kind of a contributing factor to the way my output has fallen off sharply in recent years, but again, I was cool with that.
When I inquired further as to why I might be popular but in some sort of... secret way, where nobody ever says anything about my work unless asked, I got some more answers that struck me as a bit plausible. "People think you're SO popular that you'd be too busy dealing with all the attention you get to bother with them. They don’t want to waste your time." Seems reasonable, I guess. For people who don't know me well anyways. When I first met archai at Rainfurrest he was surprised that I would hang out with him at all, let alone gladly accept his invitation to dinner. Even though we went on to become good friends, his initial thought was "Well, he probably won't have time to waste on someone like me. He's a talented writer! He must have better things to do." I definitely know people who are like that. Through no fault of their own, mind you. They have to sort through dozens of notes a day so anything that's not business or a friend has a good chance of being overlooked, or they just disregard notes entirely because it's too much of a hassle. I definitely understand that if I was looking at having to sift through 40 notes in my inbox every day that would be an untenable amount of work. There's just not enough time for that. I can't imagine what it would be like to have thousands of people clamoring for your attention all the time, so I guess I understand where that perception comes from.
Let me assure you guys that this is not the case for me. Meeting Archai was very exciting for me, mainly because I was approached by him. I’d been writing for three years, and in the fandom for easily twice that at the time, yet Archai was the first person ever to recognize me, unprompted, by badge and name alone. That has yet to happen since that time. Being bowled over by a tidal wave of attention is the opposite of my problem. I respond to every Watch, Fave, Note, and Comment that appears in my notifications and it takes me very little time to do so. For me it's a joy, not a burden. I like to look up the people that enjoy my work, to explore our common interests a little. I gladly spend the extra time on that sort of thing. Even when I look through their profiles and try to personalize my "thanks for the watch" shouts for people, and write very comprehensive responses to any verbal feedback I get, there's just not that much of it for me to respond to. It's not unusual for me to go days or a week at a stretch without a single one of any of those four notifications coming up. I am FAR from overwhelmed. In fact quite the opposite. A lot of the time I feel lonely around here. So if you think I don't have time even to just say hey to you and acknowledge your interest, that responding to your feedback would be a burden to me, you are quite wrong. I'd LOVE to hear from you. Each and every one of you. It brings me tremendous joy to hear that my works have touched people and made them happy. Don't think for a second that you're not worth my time, please! I can't promise that we'll become good buddies and talk long into the night about our innermost secrets, but your words will mean the world to me, and I will absolutely let you know that.
The other thing I've heard is "People are intimidated by your skill. You have very developed writing style and you write so well that people who aren't also writers feel like their feedback wouldn't be good enough for you." I guess if I turn the tables I can identify with that one as well. If ever I’ve held a tablet pen I immediately put it back down for fear of wasting its potential. And for a long time I felt weird about leaving feedback for artists because I didn’t understand the mechanics of their craft. I can accept that it's a perception that's out there. Lots of people say that they don't want critique because it hurts to have the faults pointed out in your work, or that they don't want murry sexy comments about their content because that makes them uncomfortable, or that they don't want comments at all because they just can't be arsed. So let me put that to rest. I have the ilovecritique and creepycommentswelcome icons up on my page for exactly this reason. I know that some people might be worried that I don't want to see their particular kind of feedback, but I'm here to tell you that I want ALL kinds of feedback! Good, bad, indifferent, informed, ignorant, poor grasp of English, whatever you've got going on. In fact if anyone knows any other groups whose mission statement is basically "No it's totally cool I gladly accept comments of this type!" then let me know and I'll add their icons to my userpage. The only thing I really don't want to see is like... flaming, shitposting, or personal attacks against me and other people. And really, the kind of people who do that wouldn't stop just because I said I don't like it.
So yeah, let's say no restrictions! I love to hear that you thought my story was hot and that you got off to it or fantasized about it, that's why I write porn! I love to hear what people struggled with or what they think would improve things. I experiment with my writing a lot, and hearing from you guys is the only way to know if my experiments are working! I may not go back and re-write a story based on your input, because in that way lies madness, but your opinions absolutely will shape the direction that I go in with future work. You don't have to be a writer to tell me how a story made you feel, or point out a part you thought was confusing, or accuse me of species favoritism, or anything! The fact that you read my story is all that it takes for your comments to be meaningful to me. I'm here for you guys, the readers. You don't have to create content of ANY sort to read something and tell me about how it made you feel. Even the posts that are just like "Hey, good job!" or "Fuck yeah, I came." are fine by me. Simply the idea that someone out there took the extra five seconds to press ten keys to say a couple nice words makes a huge difference to me. That's why I think that sammypanther is a glorious gift to the world. She's out there every day putting in that same tiny but tremendously meaningful effort for thousands of people. Just a tiny little ping to say "Hey, you did a thing. It was good. Keep doing more things!" Don’t worry so much about how you might be received, guys. It’s okay! I've always thought that it was just the length of my stories that put people off of them, not the idea that I might be hostile to commenters. It's so strange to me to think that people could happily take all the time to read through 40,000 words and then suddenly have reservations about typing like 10 or 12 of them at the end.
That's really what I'm getting at here. I could handle a flurry of attention, or just being a relative unknown. But I can't abide by this situation that is apparently rather common, or so this evidence leads me to believe. I'd really hate to think that there are many people out there who love and follow my content, but are afraid to say so. Please, if there are any of you out there who have found some excuse in the past to not say anything to me, do come forward. It doesn't even have to be publicly. Notes or Telegram, or whatever you want to use are also fine. And for those reading this who don't have that problem, but are maybe more familiar with it than I am, what do you think I should do? The idea that I'm seen as aloof and unapproachable really bothers me, and I'd like to do what I can to show that I love to reach out to people, and really wish they would extend me the same courtesy. I am, as always, open to any of your comments and suggestions.
When I inquired further as to why I might be popular but in some sort of... secret way, where nobody ever says anything about my work unless asked, I got some more answers that struck me as a bit plausible. "People think you're SO popular that you'd be too busy dealing with all the attention you get to bother with them. They don’t want to waste your time." Seems reasonable, I guess. For people who don't know me well anyways. When I first met archai at Rainfurrest he was surprised that I would hang out with him at all, let alone gladly accept his invitation to dinner. Even though we went on to become good friends, his initial thought was "Well, he probably won't have time to waste on someone like me. He's a talented writer! He must have better things to do." I definitely know people who are like that. Through no fault of their own, mind you. They have to sort through dozens of notes a day so anything that's not business or a friend has a good chance of being overlooked, or they just disregard notes entirely because it's too much of a hassle. I definitely understand that if I was looking at having to sift through 40 notes in my inbox every day that would be an untenable amount of work. There's just not enough time for that. I can't imagine what it would be like to have thousands of people clamoring for your attention all the time, so I guess I understand where that perception comes from.
Let me assure you guys that this is not the case for me. Meeting Archai was very exciting for me, mainly because I was approached by him. I’d been writing for three years, and in the fandom for easily twice that at the time, yet Archai was the first person ever to recognize me, unprompted, by badge and name alone. That has yet to happen since that time. Being bowled over by a tidal wave of attention is the opposite of my problem. I respond to every Watch, Fave, Note, and Comment that appears in my notifications and it takes me very little time to do so. For me it's a joy, not a burden. I like to look up the people that enjoy my work, to explore our common interests a little. I gladly spend the extra time on that sort of thing. Even when I look through their profiles and try to personalize my "thanks for the watch" shouts for people, and write very comprehensive responses to any verbal feedback I get, there's just not that much of it for me to respond to. It's not unusual for me to go days or a week at a stretch without a single one of any of those four notifications coming up. I am FAR from overwhelmed. In fact quite the opposite. A lot of the time I feel lonely around here. So if you think I don't have time even to just say hey to you and acknowledge your interest, that responding to your feedback would be a burden to me, you are quite wrong. I'd LOVE to hear from you. Each and every one of you. It brings me tremendous joy to hear that my works have touched people and made them happy. Don't think for a second that you're not worth my time, please! I can't promise that we'll become good buddies and talk long into the night about our innermost secrets, but your words will mean the world to me, and I will absolutely let you know that.
The other thing I've heard is "People are intimidated by your skill. You have very developed writing style and you write so well that people who aren't also writers feel like their feedback wouldn't be good enough for you." I guess if I turn the tables I can identify with that one as well. If ever I’ve held a tablet pen I immediately put it back down for fear of wasting its potential. And for a long time I felt weird about leaving feedback for artists because I didn’t understand the mechanics of their craft. I can accept that it's a perception that's out there. Lots of people say that they don't want critique because it hurts to have the faults pointed out in your work, or that they don't want murry sexy comments about their content because that makes them uncomfortable, or that they don't want comments at all because they just can't be arsed. So let me put that to rest. I have the ilovecritique and creepycommentswelcome icons up on my page for exactly this reason. I know that some people might be worried that I don't want to see their particular kind of feedback, but I'm here to tell you that I want ALL kinds of feedback! Good, bad, indifferent, informed, ignorant, poor grasp of English, whatever you've got going on. In fact if anyone knows any other groups whose mission statement is basically "No it's totally cool I gladly accept comments of this type!" then let me know and I'll add their icons to my userpage. The only thing I really don't want to see is like... flaming, shitposting, or personal attacks against me and other people. And really, the kind of people who do that wouldn't stop just because I said I don't like it.
So yeah, let's say no restrictions! I love to hear that you thought my story was hot and that you got off to it or fantasized about it, that's why I write porn! I love to hear what people struggled with or what they think would improve things. I experiment with my writing a lot, and hearing from you guys is the only way to know if my experiments are working! I may not go back and re-write a story based on your input, because in that way lies madness, but your opinions absolutely will shape the direction that I go in with future work. You don't have to be a writer to tell me how a story made you feel, or point out a part you thought was confusing, or accuse me of species favoritism, or anything! The fact that you read my story is all that it takes for your comments to be meaningful to me. I'm here for you guys, the readers. You don't have to create content of ANY sort to read something and tell me about how it made you feel. Even the posts that are just like "Hey, good job!" or "Fuck yeah, I came." are fine by me. Simply the idea that someone out there took the extra five seconds to press ten keys to say a couple nice words makes a huge difference to me. That's why I think that sammypanther is a glorious gift to the world. She's out there every day putting in that same tiny but tremendously meaningful effort for thousands of people. Just a tiny little ping to say "Hey, you did a thing. It was good. Keep doing more things!" Don’t worry so much about how you might be received, guys. It’s okay! I've always thought that it was just the length of my stories that put people off of them, not the idea that I might be hostile to commenters. It's so strange to me to think that people could happily take all the time to read through 40,000 words and then suddenly have reservations about typing like 10 or 12 of them at the end.
That's really what I'm getting at here. I could handle a flurry of attention, or just being a relative unknown. But I can't abide by this situation that is apparently rather common, or so this evidence leads me to believe. I'd really hate to think that there are many people out there who love and follow my content, but are afraid to say so. Please, if there are any of you out there who have found some excuse in the past to not say anything to me, do come forward. It doesn't even have to be publicly. Notes or Telegram, or whatever you want to use are also fine. And for those reading this who don't have that problem, but are maybe more familiar with it than I am, what do you think I should do? The idea that I'm seen as aloof and unapproachable really bothers me, and I'd like to do what I can to show that I love to reach out to people, and really wish they would extend me the same courtesy. I am, as always, open to any of your comments and suggestions.
It's a shame too, when, for instance, the 'Ordinary Week' series is really some of the finest material out there for balloon vixens. ^^=
Thanks for this post, it kinda helps add that insight from the creator's side. I'll try to be more vocal in the future. :)
Good: I feel the same way in some respect. Comments are so nice to receive, just for the fact that someone felt that they had to respond to your work. It's the opposite of apathy and it's always welcome.
Bad: Man, huge paragraphs, bro. TL;DR.
Indifferent: Meh.
Informed: Yeah, it's all some kind of bizarre circle of ''impostor syndrome'' and poor self-confidence, I believe. People don't comment thinking they don't have much to contribute or say, then the artist itself think their work go on to believe that it didn't contribute or mean anything to other people. It's kind of sad.
Ignorant: It's because of the fucking Illuminati, man.
Poor grasp of English: Nise stori. Mush sexxy. Writte moar komments nest timm.
Personal attack: You have a tiny dick.
Personal attack against other people: I believe some of your friends have poor dental hygiene.
Flaming: 9/11 was an inside job.
I guess it does kind of suck to think that this is just the way it is. That I'll ultimately end up continuing to labor diligently for the benefit of people I'll never hear from. I suppose that life is filled with such situations though, and I may as well steel myself for another one. And of course that is the more altruistic model that I profess to subscribe to. I was just making sure that there wasn't some kind of miscommunication about what kind of feedback I was hoping to receive. For the record, all of it. I am trying to receive EVERY kind of feedback. All of the above. Except for the last three which I SPECIFICALLY told you not to post, ya twit! ^_^
Although I will say, words like "I enjoy that story so much" and "I'm definitely a fan of yours" are perfectly good things to say in comments, if you're still having trouble coming up with the right things to put there. Just in case you change your mind about commenting someday.
FA is built to be a publication platform, not a social network, so most of the people who are going to read your stories engage as passive consumers, not active peers. A fav is a bookmark and a watch is a feed subscription.
Fetish stuff is even more anonymous than vanilla art because consumers want to keep their interests to themselves. That's certainly how I browse.
So, most of the human people that make up those big view and fav and watch numbers might be fans, but most would not be interested in being friends. Nothing wrong with that or anything, just the nature of the platform.
The really friendly people may go out of their way to establish contact, but it's kind of the luck of the draw.
I don't think your silent readers have nothing to say about your work. I think they're shy; they have things to say, but anxiety get in the way. Sadly, that's something they have to work on themselves.
This is a pursuit that clearly brings you joy, and it shows in how well you write ^.^
That said, I *really* enjoy your stories. Especially the ones set at the Theta Wave. Heck, I read Unwind to help get relaxed sometimes. n.n
'Unwind' was a special one. Its unique success was what spurred me to make the Theta Wave a recurring setting. I'm glad that it still has you coming back for more, even if it is just to let Mistress soothe your tired body and take your cares away.
I came to learn that I was actually rather unique in having the temerity to just walk up to some big name artist and let them know that they're awesome and I'm a huge fan. Apparently, shyness about approaching your favorite content creators is incredibly common. So I guess that's kinda what I was trying to fight here with this journal. I see TONS of view counts, but very little interaction. So I guess it's just that people were afraid to talk. I figured that if I could do anything to help fight that fear and get them to maybe open up a little it would be good news for both of us.
I'd say you're definitely approachable, from my brief time with ya at AC, but then I also wasn't meeting you straight out of the blue, either.
To expand on downriverblue's response, as a society in the US we're taught to be impersonal, at least in many of the places I grew up in; if you're minding your own business, no one will mess with you, or if you look preoccupied, people won't approach you as much, don't invite trouble, etcetc. A lot of subconscious cues work into how we view each other especially upon outset of meeting one another, not to mention the difference in how we interact with one another;say, Europe, for instance, in the US we're taught(or maybe reinforced through others) that it's just not right to go up to someone and tell them you think they're pretty, or beautiful anymore, that romance must be a flirting game, or dating, etc. Elsewhere, however, people may go straight up to you and tell you they think you're handsome or great looking, and nothing to it. Woo mental games. I very much like how the furry fandom manages to break through a lot of those social barriers without breaking a sweat.