Not enough blue (Red and white aren’t that great)

Wrong country’s colors in display (Disclaimer – Britain and France still okay)

Trick Candles (Damn it! Why the fuck won’t the display work!? )

Flag conveniently located above display (unless it’s a nazi flag)

Crying baby (Launch him! He’s louder than the fireworks!)

President’s face on shirts (Obama – “I HOPE you CHANGE your wardrobe”)

Pastors that want me to pray (Please god, shut this asshole up)

Any mention of recent tragedies (I swear to god… if they play “Thriller”…)

Cell-phone with loud ringtone (would suck if ringtone is patriotic)

Country music (Too much banjo/stupidity)

Redneck history (we had a war in 1812?)

Second verses of patriotic songs (because we don’t give a shit)

Bad wind conditions (it’s just dry brush! What could go wrong?)

People with boomboxes (You don’t need your own soundtrack)

Rap music (bitches and ho’s are Americans too)

Singer of Nat. Anthem stresses every note (It’s not broadway… speed it up)

Pledge of Allegience (Somehow I think it’s redundant)

“God Bless America” (Very assholish to Canada)

Fake Finales (Fuck you – I’m halfway inside my car door and you’re not done?)

“Fuck you Osama!” (Oh he’s gonna be mad when he hears you said that…)

Protestors (unless your cause is anti-fireworks… than it’s okay)

Poorly aimed launches (Hey look – the hummer’s gone!)

Children singing (No longer cute since Kidz Bop)