My last Journal was depressing, and I apologize in advance for making one that's even more so; but it needs to be said.

The last two weeks have defiantly tested my emotional limits, both were sudden random things that hit me out of the blue; getting smacked by a car only to get knocked onto the tracks and hit by a freight train from the opposite direction.

Monday night my GirlFriend met me at her house; she had a busy week and I had a busy week. The last time we were together she was very affectionate and we had a wonderful evening seeing a play that her friend was in, and the night before was just as special. This is what makes everything make no sense...

I get to her house and right away I could tell something was wrong. She didn't meet me at the door. I had to come upstairs. The hug was a lot more awkward then usual. Her tone was very different. She avoided a Kiss.

She had me sit down at the table with her, and Dumped me on the spot. She didn't offer a good reason why, and when I asked why she gave very vague answers. In the end all I got from her was "We aren't compatible; I'm sorry..." then gave me the roleplaying books and minis I left over there and showed me the door.

I have no idea what happened. She was happy the previous weekend, I was happy. I felt better about my relationship life then I had for over a year at that moment of time.

Last night, I obviously slept like Shit. I tossed and turned trying to figure out why she had gone from caring to cold as ice I don't want to see you ever again. It didn't make ANY sense.

I... have to move on at this point. I have wonderful friends who were there for me right when I needed them. Thank you, Seriously all of you that offered your support.

I'm ready to move forward. I must move forward. I have friends that rely on me just as much as I rely on them. I learned a valuable lesson over the last month:

It's much easier to Repair a Friendship (and Quickly) then it is to repair a Relationship- especially one that is Rushed.

I'm done with Dating. No more dating web sites, no more Group Dates. It's over. The only thing that's brought is pain later on. Granted, I did gain a friend from 1/3 of my Exes... but... I'm still not sure that is worth it.

I won't shut myself out completely, but at this point any future relationship will form naturally from someone I meet as a Friend first. Almost every one of my friends who are Married or have Meaningful relationships did NOT meet off a dating website or group date. They met at an event, a Convention; they did Volunteer work together... or they just started talking to each other online but with no pressure to be "SOs" right off the bat. You get that with dating.

The odds of finding someone naturally are significantly worse then actively seeking a relationship; but if I learned anything over the last 5 years of my life: Those are the relationships that last.

In the short term, I look to my friends as my social outlet. Yes, not having someone to cuddle and hold sucks; but not nearly as much as what happens when you rush a relationship.

I could magically find someone in three weeks, I could find someone in thirty years, or it will never happen. But at this point, I'm letting Fate be my matchmaker.

Because every other option I've tried has in the end led to bitterness and disappointment...