Long story short: my SAI trial is up, and I don't currently have the extra money to buy a license (I used a friend's license before), so I instead bought Clip Studio Paint as it was/is on sale for $25 (normally like $60 I think?) SO I'm trying to get accustomed to it before I continue commissioned work. I'm getting close to the point of being able to continue commissions, so I will hopefully continue this week, once my battery charger shows up (LSS; Tablet port broke, battery wont charge) and I can charge the battery back up.

Personal stuff starts here:

For the people who wished me well on my previous journals; thank you. When I posted that journal, I'd been washed over with a tsunami of depression. One of the worst flare ups I've had in years, and I'm still recovering from it. To be a little personal; When that happens, I start to recede from my friends, until I reach a point where I won't talk more than just simple responses. It's hard getting in AND out of bed, my depression sparks my insomnia, so I stay awake until... 8AM, most recently, and I finally pass out, and start sleeping up to 12 hours a day. As I'm typing this right now, I've woken up at 4PM(after staying up until 8-8:30) and it's now 7AM the next day, and I haven't slept yet. And I may not until even later this time. Sometimes, its a vicious cycle, but it always ends up working itself out. I'll eat more because I'm so depressed, then I get more depressed because I feel fat, and then I sleep and sleep and sleep, and I'll forget to eat, or just not want to. So then I lose some weight, and having lost the weight helps bringing me back up, and gives me motivation to strive to be healthier all around.

But in the process of feeling better, I do have frequent relapses where I fall back into depression for anywhere from an hour to a couple days, but I somehow bounce back up.

I'm sorry if this seems like a whiny pitying sort of personal journal, I don't want pity from it because it doesn't make me actually feel better, I just take.. comfort? out of being able to analyze my own behavioral patterns and what typically happens.

Even right now, I have a shitload of conflicting thoughts. I've got the depressed thoughts, which I typically try and shove away, and then I get... overwhelmed, in a good way, by so many ideas that I could do, things I could make, stuff I could draw, but then the shitty thoughts creep in and remind me that I probably won't because I'm already losing motivation.

But, I'm trying. I'm slowly getting better, and I'm slowly trying to make myself healthier.