So this is going to be a long story. You don't have to read it all, but if anyone wants to know what's been happening in my life in the last 4-3 years, please read on. This is going to be my way of venting out and hopefully I'll have people to talk to again after this. This does also cover commissions in a way. I'll add a TL:DR at the end for you.

You know when an artist tells you your commission is overdue when they've had personal problems? It tends to be true and I've been slowly picking up the pieces.

The fact of the matter is that I have felt very distant from the furry fandom/community in the last 2 years. I don't think I was really happy with myself at the time and it all got a bit complicated. I also have a horrendous reputation within the UK community from stupid shit back in 2010-2013. This is also a factor into why I wanted to leave or drift from the fandom, it made me a horrible person, a proper dominant bitch, but it was all I knew at the time. I like being center of attention, but I understand it just went to my head big time. Please remember that I've been part of furry since I was 16 (10 years holy shit)and growing up in a semi toxic social group just was not a good thing for me in the long run. Because of it I ruined my life then and had no idea what I was doing and got in a lot of trouble and from that I ruined several other lives around me =/ yeah it was all me... I occasionally still get the odd name calling trolls send me PMs or try to send messages through the ask pages. I moved on from that stuff, but some people just keep trying to make others miserable.

*sigh*
This is not an easy one to talk about. I knew I wanted to just be away from furries in general towards the end of my last relationship. We had done ConFuzzled together the previous year and it was a blast socially, but I just bombed so bad in the dealers den. I was so not prepared for it and stuck on a shared table with just no amount of space for my artwork. I had one portfolio of examples and a sketchbook and just scraped some profit. I did a little better in the auction, but argh wish my art was better quality then. Social side and party side of Cfz that year was fun, but the next one, I just got so nervous and apathetic when thinking about it. I just did not want to go. By the end of it I felt a little forced to join in. I also got mild depression over the Winter that year and had horrendous moments of homesickness, as we were up country and the furthest I'd been from home and my family, I didn't get to see them often. It also hit quite hard that Christmas. Skypeing them just was not the same as being there. I didn't go to CFz in the end, we split up just before it. The meets we went to around then, I just felt quite out of place apart from chatting to a few old friends, but I just wasn't really at home anymore. This is why I stuck to the Brony scene a lot more and why my other account is much more active than here, but even that is starting to become quieter. I'm not sure if its because I've just not been as social as before or what.

Another thing that took a hit after we broke up is that I lost a lot of close friends. I'm a social person by nature, but I feel like I just lost my "herd" after that relationship ended. He kinda just took them with him. Since the death of our teamspeak server too, my partner and I have just lost total contact with our friends there. We used to have game nights, stupid banter nights and meet up some times too, but its just all gone. I have some apologies to send soon, but I don't know if I feel as though I will never have a close group of friends again. I don't actually think I even have a best friend right now other than my partner. I would like to make some new friends, but I just seem to have forgotten how to. It was so easy to do back then. I want to just make this clear, I am very happy with my current partner and my home life with him, but having no friends I can just chat with and invite over like I used to is a very difficult thing to live with. There's a big hole in my life. I've stayed in touch with a few friends I've known from the furry fandom for years, but I still feel quite distant from them too.

My life since 2016 has changed so much and for the better though. I have a wonderful partner, we both have good paying full time jobs, we have a house, I'm closer to my family and we have our own space in general. This is the most balanced I feel my life has ever been. It's a normal life. He's very non furry and has decided to ease off the brony stuff now too and I think a non furry partner is what I needed to set me straight.

I guess this is the part most of you want to know, my artwork and commissions. Well I don't want to say I am returning to being a furry, but I'd like to just be here on the sidelines for artwork and starting up on commissions again. I feel my art skill has leveled up from before and I want to get back to drawing more interesting things than basic pony forms. (Ponies are just super easy to draw really) I won't be stopping drawing them, but I've been branching out to more fan art stuff. The furry art will help me get back into the fantasy work and broaden it again. I really want to draw dragons again.
I must apolgise to the group pic I just abandoned last year, like I've said, I've been floating around just ignoring the fandom stuff, but I will give refunds to the few I did not get to finish at the end of the month (payday for me). So if you want that refund please PM me and we'll talk.
I have a system at home that kinda works, I have tried to limit my commission work to weekends only. Some weeknights I will do them if I'm in the mood to draw, but this is so I don't exhaust myself after work. I used to do it when I lived alone and I would also go without eating because I was so immersed in drawing. So I try to do a 5 commissions a month kinda deal, depending on how big the pieces are. I have also started doing fortnightly art streams and the occasional themed/discount commission stream. Prices are set to be updated too, as well as my MLP stuff.

I do not know where I am about conventions. Brony ones I will still go to, but furry ones. I think it's still too early to tell. I'm more annoyed in general that a Bristol one has just appeared after I decided to sort of quit the fandom >.> Bristol is the next town over from me. I think I'm more reluctant to go to cons because of my ex being there. Sounds pathetic I know, but he's got a very "in your face" fursuit now, which was kind of hard to avoid at the last con we were at. Makes me hurt inside seeing him prance about in it surrounded by all my old friends. Like bad memories that won't go =( so there's that stopping me. If I do go to a fur con again, it's likely to be an attending only job and just focusing on dealers den stuff. Maybe even take Regdeh up on his music offer.

Anyway I hope this kinda updates you on stuff, if anyone is even interested. I'm kinda lacking in self confidence about this stuff. Mostly like, will anyone even remember me? does anyone still like me and want to catch up? Is my reputation still a huge barrier? Are those trolls still lurking after 6 years? People still hate me? just those normal worries that still occasionally go through my head when I feel like uploading artwork.


TL:DR - My life wasn't so good a few years ago, I'm in a better place now, I'm doing furry commissions again. I want some friends.