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Nothing but a burden
8 years ago
That's how I feel 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Sorry just venting
some, not sure why but yeh... You ever become so lost that it feels
like any direction you go takes you in a circle?
I just feel so worthless and a burden that is slowing everyone down.
I feel like more and more people in my life are slipping away and I feel I am to
blame. My family never really talks TO ME they only talk ABOUT ME to each other.
I really don't know how much more of this I can handle.
My depression is crippling me and pretty much ANY JOB won't give me a chance.
Thanks to the fuckers at the museum I worked for, I'm pretty much screwed.
I want to work to make the money we need. I want to be able to afford to buy my husbands
medicines. I want to be able to treat my husband to nice things like a new game or
just go out for a nice day.
... The more and more my loved ones say things about me the more and more depressed
I get. I just don't know what to do I really don't. I have tried everything to make our lives
better. Instead of people noticing how hard I am trying they instead say I am lazy.
They say I'm not really looking, that I am COMFORTABLE with the way things are.
That is a disgusting thing to say about ANYONE especially someone who HAD a job, HAD a home
almost paid off, HAD the ability to get things when they needed it. I had a nice life... I was happy
I hardly have the will to do anything anymore. Never in a million years would I have ever thought
my own family would treat me like I'm some burden on them when I do my best and try so hard
to fix things.
I just want to give up.
[There's a saying in the Mando'a culture: Aliit ori'shya taldin ]
It means "Family is more then Blood".
Just because they are family, doesn't mean you need to deal with their shit. I've written off family members for being assholes before, and I regret none of it.