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I just feel so screwed.
8 years ago
My sister's birthday is tomorrow and she's not going to have any decorations or anything. I also have to let her know that I don't have my portion for the utility bill.
I'm so sick of being on the bottom step. My Disability hasn't even went through yet, and I'm getting so frustrated living day to day on scraps, worrying if I'll get a commission to feed myself.
It's tiring. And when your exhausted from stress, while trying to not eat so much so you'll have enough for the next day, it's extremely hard to sit down and focus on art. I sit and try to draw, and all I can think about it "what's going to happen tomorrow? Your sister's birthday is ruined."
Since the forced refund, I've been in serious debt. I didn't even get to buy $40.00 worth of food this month. We thought not using the heat would keep our utility bill down but nope...
I'm just so tired.
It gets frustrating because I fucking hate to beg and post so much for commissions. People tell me to get a job but they don't realize I can't physically, or emotionally have or maintain a job. That's why I'm going through the works on getting onto Ontario Disability Supplement Plan.
I'm just.... tired of feeling like I'm under everyone else and I have to beg to get the necessities I need in life.
Why should I have to fight so hard to live? I've been fighting my whole life, and people always tell me it's going to get better. Finding out I have arthritis at the age of 16 piled on tons of depression. I can't get the career I grew up wanting, and now I'm struggling to feed myself.
I'm about done honestly. Anyone have any fucking bullets?
I'm so sick of being on the bottom step. My Disability hasn't even went through yet, and I'm getting so frustrated living day to day on scraps, worrying if I'll get a commission to feed myself.
It's tiring. And when your exhausted from stress, while trying to not eat so much so you'll have enough for the next day, it's extremely hard to sit down and focus on art. I sit and try to draw, and all I can think about it "what's going to happen tomorrow? Your sister's birthday is ruined."
Since the forced refund, I've been in serious debt. I didn't even get to buy $40.00 worth of food this month. We thought not using the heat would keep our utility bill down but nope...
I'm just so tired.
It gets frustrating because I fucking hate to beg and post so much for commissions. People tell me to get a job but they don't realize I can't physically, or emotionally have or maintain a job. That's why I'm going through the works on getting onto Ontario Disability Supplement Plan.
I'm just.... tired of feeling like I'm under everyone else and I have to beg to get the necessities I need in life.
Why should I have to fight so hard to live? I've been fighting my whole life, and people always tell me it's going to get better. Finding out I have arthritis at the age of 16 piled on tons of depression. I can't get the career I grew up wanting, and now I'm struggling to feed myself.
I'm about done honestly. Anyone have any fucking bullets?
I feel like if the bumps are this rough now, I won't even make a real career out of my art, and then I'm left to think what else am I to do with myself?
I appreciate it, I really do <3 I hope to one day be in a position where I can help people. I always do my best to pay it forward.
I attempted a Journal to help boost you:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8218226/
I hope you pull through...
I actually kinda feel bad myself since I wanted to buy some art from you again.... but University stuff came up and I could only do so much
I wish you nothing but the best 💙
I know you feel bad because of the birthday situation, but remember you can make those on any day if the actual day isn't possible. I myself have moved my birthday to 3 months later because of life events.
The only advise I can give you on funds is to get more optimized with art so that your turnover rate is higher, which then leads to more commissions, more funds, more food lol.
And same as above , feel free to connect with me on pm. I'm actually in a depression phase right know too so I know it's rough.
It's super, super appreciated, thank you so, so much <3 There are so many nice furs out there <3