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Words From the Heart ( thank you )
8 years ago
I'm sorry I disappeared, but I'm feeling better now, much better.
Thank you guys so much...
Things just blew up after I made the journal ( in a good way ! ) but I had to step back. I still had to worry about my sister's party and getting everything set up.
Due to donations and a large commission I received, I was able to pay the utility bill, and get my sister a birthday present, and my mother a mother's day present.
I was astonished that I actually had a little bit left over to get a few things I had been struggling to get since moving out on my own / hadn't had in a few weeks due to lack of money. Things for myself other then food. I honestly don't know how long it's been since I've bought any clothes or shoes, ( So long last time I went into Spencer's a graphic T-Shirt at regular price was $15.00 CAD now they're $25.00 CAD , also hadn't been in the mall so long didn't even know a year ago they made a whole new addition... )
Before I received the donations my clothes wardrobe was extremely slim. It consisted of tank tops, yoga pants that were too tight on me and would cut off my circulation at the waist, a sweater my rats had chewed near the ends of the sleeves, and ( TMI - stained underwear ).
I had money left over to get a couple pairs of pants, and shirts, and thankfully some new undies, and NEW SHOES, after two years of not getting a new pair and walking around with a holey shoe. I also was able to buy my shampoo and conditioner for my psoriasis, something I haven't been able to afford in so long.
My life has always been at a low, but I don't want to express myself as such. I've always thought as myself as strong, but last Tuesday I broke down. I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I thought even then I was grasping at air. I had a dark week, and I apologize if I came off in any negative light.
I don't like to make myself seem so low, and I especially don't like to broadcast the way that my life is. I like to keep it behind the scenes, not because I'm hiding things, but because putting more pain into the world certainly doesn't do anything.
I'm not looking for pity, and I'm especially not wanting to give off wrong impressions.
I just want to thank everyone. Thank you for your kind words, thank you for your support, thank you for the donations. I don't know what to say.
Tuesday night I felt so grateful yet so guilty at the same time for accepting donations. My psychiatrist has told me I need to learn to accept help when I need it, and not let myself suffer. I even have problems asking my boyfriend for money when I know he has it.
Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if my sister's birthday came around and I came up empty handed for the second year. She's done and given so much to me, and if I couldn't have even done a simple thing like get her a cake, it would have made me feel like I have been feeling - low, worthless, powerless, and useless.
Thanks to everyone who has left kind comments, thanks to everyone who has donated, it's brightened my life so much. I no longer have to worry. I can now start focusing on commissions, and not receiving them!
Thank you so much everyone. Thank you.
Add me on Facebook if you'd like ; https://www.facebook.com/profile.ph.....00006844638307
Thank you guys so much...
Things just blew up after I made the journal ( in a good way ! ) but I had to step back. I still had to worry about my sister's party and getting everything set up.
Due to donations and a large commission I received, I was able to pay the utility bill, and get my sister a birthday present, and my mother a mother's day present.
I was astonished that I actually had a little bit left over to get a few things I had been struggling to get since moving out on my own / hadn't had in a few weeks due to lack of money. Things for myself other then food. I honestly don't know how long it's been since I've bought any clothes or shoes, ( So long last time I went into Spencer's a graphic T-Shirt at regular price was $15.00 CAD now they're $25.00 CAD , also hadn't been in the mall so long didn't even know a year ago they made a whole new addition... )
Before I received the donations my clothes wardrobe was extremely slim. It consisted of tank tops, yoga pants that were too tight on me and would cut off my circulation at the waist, a sweater my rats had chewed near the ends of the sleeves, and ( TMI - stained underwear ).
I had money left over to get a couple pairs of pants, and shirts, and thankfully some new undies, and NEW SHOES, after two years of not getting a new pair and walking around with a holey shoe. I also was able to buy my shampoo and conditioner for my psoriasis, something I haven't been able to afford in so long.
My life has always been at a low, but I don't want to express myself as such. I've always thought as myself as strong, but last Tuesday I broke down. I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I thought even then I was grasping at air. I had a dark week, and I apologize if I came off in any negative light.
I don't like to make myself seem so low, and I especially don't like to broadcast the way that my life is. I like to keep it behind the scenes, not because I'm hiding things, but because putting more pain into the world certainly doesn't do anything.
I'm not looking for pity, and I'm especially not wanting to give off wrong impressions.
I just want to thank everyone. Thank you for your kind words, thank you for your support, thank you for the donations. I don't know what to say.
Tuesday night I felt so grateful yet so guilty at the same time for accepting donations. My psychiatrist has told me I need to learn to accept help when I need it, and not let myself suffer. I even have problems asking my boyfriend for money when I know he has it.
Honestly, I don't know what I would have done if my sister's birthday came around and I came up empty handed for the second year. She's done and given so much to me, and if I couldn't have even done a simple thing like get her a cake, it would have made me feel like I have been feeling - low, worthless, powerless, and useless.
Thanks to everyone who has left kind comments, thanks to everyone who has donated, it's brightened my life so much. I no longer have to worry. I can now start focusing on commissions, and not receiving them!
Thank you so much everyone. Thank you.
Add me on Facebook if you'd like ; https://www.facebook.com/profile.ph.....00006844638307
