between heat and her lately.... push me over some days make stay up to ungodly hours than sleep most of day away.. due her wanting food during wee hours of day..... She never eats all her food some days... than she call me take it away not even 5sec after i sit down to eat my own dinner....
I can be tiger at times,a bear if can't take it anymore than just goes down being deer again just wants to hide and be left alone not push in doing so much exter than need to be done and given grief for just wanting have some fun away from reality.
my life been fucked up and seem never to be clam moment....if i do it gets taken away,ruined, blow away by dust.... as my own happiness just seem turn in just bleak outlook due getting slap in face by crap and my heart getting shatter so many time just gotten to point it's dust and just numbed out look on my own love life of not trying,just ignoring signs i have interest have in person than just shrug it off and just act like it nothing.... that just how i been living to just save my self the hurt...memory and picking up pieces of my once shatter heart...
The world has no room for caring or loving some times for it seem for all times i tried and only have it snatched from me again and again.....
I'm slowing just becoming bitter to seeing love others have found... I only had one relationship started from online to rl..... lasted 3 year.... he passed away from heart attack..... i still feel guilty could been my fault .... i know should say not my fault it was his time..... thought still corss my mind.
He was one person i toke leap of faith with when told him he can move in with me.
I haven't felt that way in long while, just because all my mateships tend end up with same thing said"it's not me and it's them."
Sorry didn't live up to exceptions... i told them i have some some issues from all break ups.
sorry for these vent.. just build up for all stress my mom put me thought on daily basics.