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Through the Storm
8 years ago
General
It seems the drama has mostly burned itself out, as drama inevitably does. And I have weathered the storm, unbowed and unbroken by the whims of the mob. The knee jerk reactionaries who assumed the worst have left my fanbase, and I am in all liklihood better for their departure. I won't expect many apologies from that lot--they are, and always have been, more interested in entertainment than in truth. Those of you who stood by me, or at the very least reserved judgement until the truth was revealed, thank you. You continue to be an inspiration in otherwise trying times.
I am a far from perfect person. I have had very few professional issues with anyone, but a great many personal ones, owing to the fact that I hold strong vierws and opinions and do not take abuse lying down. It is easy for some people to meekly lie upon the earth while commissioners and popufurs browbeat them with unreasonable demands and hurtful language. Shut up, nod, take the paycheck, is what I was told when I first got into the fandom as an artist.
But that is not who I am. It's not who I ever will be. If you are a good, kind, and decent person to me, you get the same in response. If someone is a hateful jerk, takes advantage of my customers, talks down to me or mine, or tries to insult me then turns around with a smile demanding special favors "or else"...welp, they can screw right off. If the consequence of being my own man is that I lose people who are not, then so be it. I am no longer taking commissions, after all, and I can freely decide who is worth spending time around.
Certainly I have made mistakes. I have on some occasions taken too long on commissions, failed to communicate as frequently as I'd like, snapped under stress, spoken without thought, and let emotion cloud my judgement more than once, as have we all (though when artists do it, it is far more visible, and we are at times held to unreasonable standards of perfect conduct). I have apologized when that was the case, offered recompense, and tried to live and let live as an adult should. What I have not done and will NEVER do is take an issue, whether personal or professional, and put it on display to encourage a lynch mob or dramafest. The fact that anyone would do this--and falisify screenshots and stories for the sake of easy popularity and grudges over, of all things, pornography--sickens me to my very core.
As for the people who were attacking me over their issues with my husband...well, take it up with him. He is not me. He is is own person with his own right to views, and outside of his official capacity as streamrunner, he has no obligation to kiss anyone's ass or be anyone's fall guy. He is a spicy enchilada and is zealously defensive of me and others whom he cares about. 9 times outta 10, if he's taking someone to task they damn well deserved it, and he will bend over backwards to make up for that 10th time where his temper got the better of his logic. In all my life I have never met a more valiant, caring, ferocious, and honorable man. In short, he is a true warrior, and like the wolverine his character is based on, he is not someone you want to back into a corner. Love him or hate him, agree or disagree with him, his loyalty and willingness to sacrifice for others is without question and is a huge part of why I married him.
I could sit here and go case by case, point by point, explaining why so much of the crap thrown at me lately is blatantly false, pick apart each point like a lawyote, and desperately try to prove that I did everything in my power to do right by the people whose sole motivation is hate for hate's sake. But I am not going to do that. I may never do a commission in this fandom again. I may return in six months or a year or ten with a new style, a fresh perspective, and a rejuvenated, happier attitude towards art and this community. But regardless of what happens, I want to focus on truth, not he said she said. These things have and will always remain true:
I am not a thief. If I take your money, you're getting your work, and if I can't or won't do the work, you're getting that money back.
I will go to the ends of the earth for a customer or friend who treats me with honesty, courtesy, and respect. You get the treatment you put in with me.
I will never interfere with your ability to post and display my work unless your harassment of me or my husband is so severe that it would be considered intolerable by any sane human being--and even then, I will give you ample time and options to mitigate the behavior and reach a fair compromise so you may preserve your work. In 6 years with over 300 customers, I have only twice ever needed to resort to this option as a means of safeguarding myself and hope to never have to again.
I will never skimp on quality due to personal disagreements. It doesn't matter if I like you or hate you--if you're getting my art, you're getting my best.
If there is ever a problem, concern, etc., my door is always open for dialogue and I am always happy to work with people to ensure their needs are reasonably met. Any communication you have with me is private and will remain so on my end.
I will always be the sluttiest, nuttiest, prettiest, wittiest yote you know. <3
I am a far from perfect person. I have had very few professional issues with anyone, but a great many personal ones, owing to the fact that I hold strong vierws and opinions and do not take abuse lying down. It is easy for some people to meekly lie upon the earth while commissioners and popufurs browbeat them with unreasonable demands and hurtful language. Shut up, nod, take the paycheck, is what I was told when I first got into the fandom as an artist.
But that is not who I am. It's not who I ever will be. If you are a good, kind, and decent person to me, you get the same in response. If someone is a hateful jerk, takes advantage of my customers, talks down to me or mine, or tries to insult me then turns around with a smile demanding special favors "or else"...welp, they can screw right off. If the consequence of being my own man is that I lose people who are not, then so be it. I am no longer taking commissions, after all, and I can freely decide who is worth spending time around.
Certainly I have made mistakes. I have on some occasions taken too long on commissions, failed to communicate as frequently as I'd like, snapped under stress, spoken without thought, and let emotion cloud my judgement more than once, as have we all (though when artists do it, it is far more visible, and we are at times held to unreasonable standards of perfect conduct). I have apologized when that was the case, offered recompense, and tried to live and let live as an adult should. What I have not done and will NEVER do is take an issue, whether personal or professional, and put it on display to encourage a lynch mob or dramafest. The fact that anyone would do this--and falisify screenshots and stories for the sake of easy popularity and grudges over, of all things, pornography--sickens me to my very core.
As for the people who were attacking me over their issues with my husband...well, take it up with him. He is not me. He is is own person with his own right to views, and outside of his official capacity as streamrunner, he has no obligation to kiss anyone's ass or be anyone's fall guy. He is a spicy enchilada and is zealously defensive of me and others whom he cares about. 9 times outta 10, if he's taking someone to task they damn well deserved it, and he will bend over backwards to make up for that 10th time where his temper got the better of his logic. In all my life I have never met a more valiant, caring, ferocious, and honorable man. In short, he is a true warrior, and like the wolverine his character is based on, he is not someone you want to back into a corner. Love him or hate him, agree or disagree with him, his loyalty and willingness to sacrifice for others is without question and is a huge part of why I married him.
I could sit here and go case by case, point by point, explaining why so much of the crap thrown at me lately is blatantly false, pick apart each point like a lawyote, and desperately try to prove that I did everything in my power to do right by the people whose sole motivation is hate for hate's sake. But I am not going to do that. I may never do a commission in this fandom again. I may return in six months or a year or ten with a new style, a fresh perspective, and a rejuvenated, happier attitude towards art and this community. But regardless of what happens, I want to focus on truth, not he said she said. These things have and will always remain true:
I am not a thief. If I take your money, you're getting your work, and if I can't or won't do the work, you're getting that money back.
I will go to the ends of the earth for a customer or friend who treats me with honesty, courtesy, and respect. You get the treatment you put in with me.
I will never interfere with your ability to post and display my work unless your harassment of me or my husband is so severe that it would be considered intolerable by any sane human being--and even then, I will give you ample time and options to mitigate the behavior and reach a fair compromise so you may preserve your work. In 6 years with over 300 customers, I have only twice ever needed to resort to this option as a means of safeguarding myself and hope to never have to again.
I will never skimp on quality due to personal disagreements. It doesn't matter if I like you or hate you--if you're getting my art, you're getting my best.
If there is ever a problem, concern, etc., my door is always open for dialogue and I am always happy to work with people to ensure their needs are reasonably met. Any communication you have with me is private and will remain so on my end.
I will always be the sluttiest, nuttiest, prettiest, wittiest yote you know. <3
Rumours and hearsay aren't worth much to me. My opinion of you is based on the interactions we've had, which have been predominantly positive, and at worst somewhat neutral. I think of you as a friend rather than just an art contact, and your kindness and good humour -- especially during the streams, which have always been great fun -- have left a lasting impression.
I'm sorry if this comes across as a little sappy, but if that serves to counterbalance some of the vitriol that's been levied in your direction, so much the better.
However, I always try to be as optimistic as possible, and with those who invent lies I always think of the same refrain, It catches a liar before than a lame.
I hope you understand me, I'm still learning English >.<
The person who sparked this drama had made a plausible claim from my perspective based on my observations and experience with your behavior in the past and other actions you've taken that gave credibility that you would indeed do something that childish to someone that annoyed you. I must admit I allowed deductive reasoning rather than objectivity to take precedence. Your reputation isn't entirely unwarranted and it did go the way it did for that reason but that does not make it right; which I do see in hindsight.
However, Eren (someone who may not always agree with but I do trust to be objective and do his research) did get down to the bottom of it. This person conveniently left out the original source of this "go fuck yourself doodle" which was clearly not you who shared the image with him. He later shows Eren the actual sketch you had provided. He then admits he did this to get your attention; which even I have to agree that's a fucked up way of going about it. He admits to piecing together words you allegedly said to him since he "lost" the original conversation, which in a nutshell is putting words in your mouth.
So yeah obviously I've since withdrawn my support of this person and you have my apology for my share in this. People can wear masks only for so long before their true colors eventually come out. Unfortunately his did not show up soon enough to avoid sparking the drama that ensued but I doubt folks are going to be too trusting of him thanks in large part to Eren's investigation and revelations he and others made about this person's personality; to which he has now sealed himself in an "echo chamber" on Twitter. I fully admit this one slipped under my radar so I'll do my part to correct the record I, along with others, helped push along.
"It doesn't matter if I like you or hate you--if you're getting my art, you're getting my best." < This line from your journal resonates well with me. It's how I intend to run shop when I do ultimately decide to post and do commissions myself so that is common ground you and I do share. I may not hold a favorable view of you but it is wrong to knowingly perpetuate a lie, no matter who that person is. I hope this serves as an example that in this fandom we need more folks at least admit they were wrong rather than try to bury it under the rug. What happened to you was not fair and I regret being a part of that. As I've said to Eren when transactions go wrong we need honesty, not exaggerations and falsehoods. Most certainly not petty drama-charging games to get the artist's attention.
Whatever you choose to do for future endeavors I do hope they go well for you.
I hope you can eventually get past this rubbish and get back to it, I know I am still a admirer of your art and hope you can learn from this mess and use it to help protect yourself from this kind of drama in the future.
Years ago, for instance. Among many other issues of similar natures to BC. I had a popufur (xbuimonsama) commission me. I finish the pieces. I talk to him, he said he had his money stolen. So I gave him the pieces and did an extra one for free and told him hope it gets better. I felt bad.
Shortly after I get harassed by like half of FA for the next few weeks because he put up a journal saying I was harassing him for payment and wouldn't leave him alone and I made him want to kill himself. It didn't matter that I had the logs to not only show I hadn't harassed him but I agreed to give him those pieces and the freebie.
What's worse is that the staff here thought it was okay for him to keep his journals up and yet I couldn't have one that showed I was giving it to him for free because that was 'using private chat'. Yet the harassment from him and his friends over what I could assume was a misunderstanding due to his poor english that he then lied and exaggerated from was perfectly okay.
And well... I'd have many more stories, but even when provided with evidence, you can't win.
It's the rule of whoever throws the first shit stone is believed.
I'm also glad that you're never shackled by anyone, least of all those drama vortexes! It is a wonderful thing I bet, to be 100% your own! (I still need to work on that, 19 and I am still struggling, though I think I may be making some progress, my brother is the perfect test on that since he tends to cause a lot of trouble and call me and my mother names when he doesn't get his way; I don't actually care what he thinks, there are just things he says that can set me off.) Just give me a few more years at most I guess...
Anyway, I'm also really happy for you that you have someone to be with that would stand up for you so much, who would do anything for you or anyone he cared about! Your husband must indeed be a great, strong man, with such a BIG heart for you to give him so much love and support! I hope I find someone like that someday!
Thank you again for being the kind and awesome person you are, you have been an inspiration ever since I heard of you not too long ago!
(Hugs, or at least shakes your hand, he he)