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INDEFINITE HIATUS/FEELING DUMP
8 years ago
General
Rogo te legere hic...
So. I can't believe this day is finally approaching. And fast.
I am going back to school to finish my degree and I'm doing it with the person I love.
It's been a hell of a year.
Honestly, these last 3 years have been hell if I am completely honest.
Part of that has lot to do with me.
Perhaps 90% has to do with me.
Lemme explain.
When I first came to FA, I came in 2014 to post my art. I love making art and drawing and animals have always been the most fun for me to draw. It only made sense. However, less than 10 days later after joining FA, I had to leave my dream school. I had been used by one of my friends and I was bled dry. Long story short, I am still being bled dry by her and many other people. Some of which are even in the art community itself. But, I didn't (and still don't) know how to say NO. NO is the hardest thing for me to do. So, like I said, 90% of the issues that I have and the situations I put myself in has been my own doing because I'm a pussy. However, the other 10%, people have knowing me smiled and slapped the shit out of me.
And thus, anxiety and depression have come up and gotten stronger since I have left school.
I have always had anxiety since I was young child, but it's been fucking up my adult life left and right these last 3 years. It's gotten to the point that I have to take medication. My family and doctors even think that I maybe bipolar.
It's pretty scary to be truthful.
Of course, not all of my life has been bad. In fact, I have made strides to putting myself in junior standing. I will be getting married soon. I have no problem attaining a job. Very few people know what it has been like to be in my head and assume I had a little bump on the road.
It cannot be further from the truth.
So, these feelings are part of the reason I wanna leave here for now. I wanna finish school and not have my mental illnesses mess me up.
However, this isn't the only reason I want to leave FA.
I could go on and on how this place pisses me off. But I will narrow it down to 3 things:
1. Entitlement
Too many people here feel that they have an obligation to receive art and have it be free. Like I said, I wanna rant, but I will leave it at that because y'all have seen that here and know what I am talking about. People have done this to me too without caring about me and it took my family and fiance pointing this out. I was blinded to this and it fucking hurt when I understood this. I hate being used, but I set myself up for it.
2. Lack of Respect
This is something I actually do want to go into detail with. I am someone that does not appreciate creepy people. I don't mean socially awkward people, but people who like to RP sensually with me and ask me pervasive questions over and over again. I'm not here for the sexual scene or even the kink scene. For me to even remotely discuss this stuff, I have to have known you for a while. For me to RP with you in a touchy feely manner? You guys should know that consent extends into the realm of roleplay as well. It gives me a fucking panic attack when people try that shit with me because my imagination is very strong. I've been fiddled with in ways that are non-consensual in real life and it brings back flashbacks.
So for future reference: Don't. Do. That. Sensual. Crap. With. Me.
3. Community Members Getting Away with Horrible things
I have watched my friends and loved ones messed over by a lot of people, both mutual and distant. It's sad and last year it was something that happened on a constant basis. A number of times, I nearly left for this reason alone. Pedophilia (yes, amongst us in a mutual circle, this is DEFINITELY a thing), rude words, straight up blasting of smaller community members for menial things, racism, bestiality, etc. I know that furries aren't the only ones with this problem, but I have never had to deal with so much crap like this in such a close proximity. It is draining.
TLDR; Kami is saying farewell because she needs to finish school and has issues. She also can't handle FA's shit anymore.
Thank you to the people who did make FA a worthwhile experience. You know who you are and you have my sympathy. I love you. <3
I am going back to school to finish my degree and I'm doing it with the person I love.
It's been a hell of a year.
Honestly, these last 3 years have been hell if I am completely honest.
Part of that has lot to do with me.
Perhaps 90% has to do with me.
Lemme explain.
When I first came to FA, I came in 2014 to post my art. I love making art and drawing and animals have always been the most fun for me to draw. It only made sense. However, less than 10 days later after joining FA, I had to leave my dream school. I had been used by one of my friends and I was bled dry. Long story short, I am still being bled dry by her and many other people. Some of which are even in the art community itself. But, I didn't (and still don't) know how to say NO. NO is the hardest thing for me to do. So, like I said, 90% of the issues that I have and the situations I put myself in has been my own doing because I'm a pussy. However, the other 10%, people have knowing me smiled and slapped the shit out of me.
And thus, anxiety and depression have come up and gotten stronger since I have left school.
I have always had anxiety since I was young child, but it's been fucking up my adult life left and right these last 3 years. It's gotten to the point that I have to take medication. My family and doctors even think that I maybe bipolar.
It's pretty scary to be truthful.
Of course, not all of my life has been bad. In fact, I have made strides to putting myself in junior standing. I will be getting married soon. I have no problem attaining a job. Very few people know what it has been like to be in my head and assume I had a little bump on the road.
It cannot be further from the truth.
So, these feelings are part of the reason I wanna leave here for now. I wanna finish school and not have my mental illnesses mess me up.
However, this isn't the only reason I want to leave FA.
I could go on and on how this place pisses me off. But I will narrow it down to 3 things:
1. Entitlement
Too many people here feel that they have an obligation to receive art and have it be free. Like I said, I wanna rant, but I will leave it at that because y'all have seen that here and know what I am talking about. People have done this to me too without caring about me and it took my family and fiance pointing this out. I was blinded to this and it fucking hurt when I understood this. I hate being used, but I set myself up for it.
2. Lack of Respect
This is something I actually do want to go into detail with. I am someone that does not appreciate creepy people. I don't mean socially awkward people, but people who like to RP sensually with me and ask me pervasive questions over and over again. I'm not here for the sexual scene or even the kink scene. For me to even remotely discuss this stuff, I have to have known you for a while. For me to RP with you in a touchy feely manner? You guys should know that consent extends into the realm of roleplay as well. It gives me a fucking panic attack when people try that shit with me because my imagination is very strong. I've been fiddled with in ways that are non-consensual in real life and it brings back flashbacks.
So for future reference: Don't. Do. That. Sensual. Crap. With. Me.
3. Community Members Getting Away with Horrible things
I have watched my friends and loved ones messed over by a lot of people, both mutual and distant. It's sad and last year it was something that happened on a constant basis. A number of times, I nearly left for this reason alone. Pedophilia (yes, amongst us in a mutual circle, this is DEFINITELY a thing), rude words, straight up blasting of smaller community members for menial things, racism, bestiality, etc. I know that furries aren't the only ones with this problem, but I have never had to deal with so much crap like this in such a close proximity. It is draining.
TLDR; Kami is saying farewell because she needs to finish school and has issues. She also can't handle FA's shit anymore.
Thank you to the people who did make FA a worthwhile experience. You know who you are and you have my sympathy. I love you. <3
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