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The Pulse of Orlando - some thoughts
8 years ago
General
Today is the one year anniversary of the massacre at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando. There's going to be a remembrance ceremony downtown, and Steve (my husband) and I, as members of the Orlando Gay Chorus, will be performing, with with the chorus, another small group, and a mass chorus of 200, crowded onto a tiny stage, with dancers. It's going to be an emotional rollercoaster of a day.
Steve knew one of the victims, and I met him once. A really nice guy, who had a young son (I think he is about 6 this year). Even without directly knowing anyone involved, if you live in The Orlando area, you likely know someone who did know someone.
Steve & I had been there once, not long after it opened. It's a dance club, and we're a bit old for that scene. But we know several people who were regulars there, who just didn't happen to go that night. A friend of ours was down from Jacksonville, and we'd met him and another friend at another bar. Steve & I were in bed before midnight, but our friends had talked about going to Pulse, but they'd had too much to drink, so they went "home." At least one chorus member had been at Pulse that night, but left before midnight.
Steve let me sleep in Sunday morning, but when I work up and picked up my phone, the first thing I see is a notification saying "50 people killed in gay nightclub shooting." (That number included the gunman, btw). My first thought was that it happened at the Parliament House, which is less than a mile from us, and is the largest gay motel/entertainment nightclub in Orlando (at one point, the largest in the world). I went into the app and found out that it was at Pulse. I got up, and went into the living room, where Steve was watching TV, hugged him and we both cried.
Facebook has a "I'm okay" feature, and we checked in, and watched as more and more of our friends checked in. Fortunately no one in the chorus was killed, but many people knew at least one of the victims.
This could've been any gay club/bar. It could've been the bar that we were at that night. I'm sure that thought passed through everyone's mind.
The chorus was asked to perform at a memorial service at the Joy MCC church that night. We performed at a huge ceremony in front of the Dr Phillips Performing Arts Center downtown... I think that ceremony was what helped me deal with the whole situation. (That said, I'm crying as I write this) The chorus was asked to perform at over 100 memorials and fundraisers in the past year. Music helps soothe the soul. It's a universal language that transcends the words that are being sung.
So we'll be performing tonight. We'll be on national TV and CNN. I will do my best not to cry, but no matter... a small part of me died, and it's going to take longer to heal than I thought.
Steve knew one of the victims, and I met him once. A really nice guy, who had a young son (I think he is about 6 this year). Even without directly knowing anyone involved, if you live in The Orlando area, you likely know someone who did know someone.
Steve & I had been there once, not long after it opened. It's a dance club, and we're a bit old for that scene. But we know several people who were regulars there, who just didn't happen to go that night. A friend of ours was down from Jacksonville, and we'd met him and another friend at another bar. Steve & I were in bed before midnight, but our friends had talked about going to Pulse, but they'd had too much to drink, so they went "home." At least one chorus member had been at Pulse that night, but left before midnight.
Steve let me sleep in Sunday morning, but when I work up and picked up my phone, the first thing I see is a notification saying "50 people killed in gay nightclub shooting." (That number included the gunman, btw). My first thought was that it happened at the Parliament House, which is less than a mile from us, and is the largest gay motel/entertainment nightclub in Orlando (at one point, the largest in the world). I went into the app and found out that it was at Pulse. I got up, and went into the living room, where Steve was watching TV, hugged him and we both cried.
Facebook has a "I'm okay" feature, and we checked in, and watched as more and more of our friends checked in. Fortunately no one in the chorus was killed, but many people knew at least one of the victims.
This could've been any gay club/bar. It could've been the bar that we were at that night. I'm sure that thought passed through everyone's mind.
The chorus was asked to perform at a memorial service at the Joy MCC church that night. We performed at a huge ceremony in front of the Dr Phillips Performing Arts Center downtown... I think that ceremony was what helped me deal with the whole situation. (That said, I'm crying as I write this) The chorus was asked to perform at over 100 memorials and fundraisers in the past year. Music helps soothe the soul. It's a universal language that transcends the words that are being sung.
So we'll be performing tonight. We'll be on national TV and CNN. I will do my best not to cry, but no matter... a small part of me died, and it's going to take longer to heal than I thought.
Busily trying to learn two now songs for the small group performance.
Maybe, in a way, something tragic like this helped you become a better person. Not to say that this should have happened. Rather that at the very least, these deaths weren't completely in vain.
Again, thank you.
I think we can all look back on our lives and say 'I wish this had never happened'' or 'I wish I had acted differently".
The thing is, life is a journey, full of potholes and wrong turns. But every single thing that happened led you to being who you are today. If something bad had not happened earlier in your life, you might not be where you are now... who you are now. You might not have the friends that love and care for you now.
So celebrate who you are, and how you got here. And know that you are loved.
You are in my prayers.