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8 years ago
G'day! I thought I'd give you guys an update on where I'm at
General
I'm doing a fair lot better. I've tried taking a fair bit of time to self-reflect over myself, giving some time to myself. Put down some things I really need to put a foot down on. So far it's worked for the most part.
Me and my dad are still staying at my uncle's place. When we are able to look for a new place, right now is unsure. We need a couple of things to happen before we can start looking. Hopefully that won't be too far away.
Also, I may have to get one of my wisdom teeth taken out. For the last few months it's been cracking and the whole front side has crumbled away. If something cold touches the gum above that tooth, it just aches and it stays for hours. The other day I couldn't fall asleep until about 6am. I have insomnia, but rarely has trying to get to sleep itself ever been that bad, for any reason. I kind of hope I don't have to get any of the others taken out, because they haven't had any problems whatsoever. But if I have to, I'll have to let it happen.
Art
I know I've said this for months and months that I think I'm getting motivation back, yet I really didn't get anywhere. Now I'm at a point where I'm just about sure that I am making bigger improvements on getting that motivation back.
With the due commissions I have, I'm currently working through a plan I've made up. What I'm doing is doing all the rough sketches done for a fair number of them. I found I'm more likely to be motivated once I've got at least a rough sketch done for it, so I know what I'm working off from. Most of these ones I'm sketching are for the Confurgence commissions. Might do a couple more sketches before I send out these rough sketches for those I've done. Some of you might be thinking, "Why didn't I just do the sketches earlier then?!". Well I need motivation to do those sketches, which has been the troubling part. My creative juices however have had a lot of good ideas for the last few days, so I've had quite a few done, as well as some for myself. But I do want the commissioned pieces to be a way bigger priority. I have a few things I've sketched up that I love already. Hopefully with finding good things from what I'm producing, can help find that motivation even more.
One other thing I've done though is kind of interesting. Really opened my eyes to maybe a big part of my mental struggles concerning art motivation.
I started looking through my older journals and older submissions. Not so much the pictures, but the communication and what doing the artwork meant to me.
Back when I was really into making sure I was constantly doing art pieces, I really loved doing it. I couldn't care less how many hours I spent working on a certain piece, whatever else was on. I just wanted to draw.
My main inspiration was seeing what you guys got out of it, how it made you feel, what you like about it. People enjoying my characters I created. Especially those who wanted one day to become an artist themselves, or who were already on the way. It was really nice to see I could be some kind of light for people.
I think what had changed was I focused too much on not wanting to disappoint people, instead of just embracing the excitement of looking forward to seeing what it was others would get out what I do. Whether it was good or bad, I was excited to see what people thought of it. I turned it from excitement to fear.
What really annoyed me about having this come to mind, was that I had been telling people to not worry what others think of their work. Quantity of attention shouldn't be an issue to artist. I'm sure we've all had that feeling go through our minds, that we feel we have to make something worthy of getting a lot of attention or positive vibes. As long as it meant something to that person alone, and to the people who truly support them and what they do, it shouldn't matter. Be excited for every project they work on. I think right now I'm the person who really needs to 'do what they preach'. I'm usually too stubborn to not think of others. I usually feel like I'll be selfish. But if I don't do what I inspire others to do then I'm a liar, and I would be lying to everything I originally wanted out of doing art. So I think it's about time I need to pull my finger out my arse, and start to be true to myself. Because when I feel I can't do things, to lose faith in myself and I point fault at myself too much for my troubles, THAT'S when others will be disappointed.
I've always been a person who's a firm believer of goal making. So people, my goal is to come back and come back better. To focus on the aspects that I used to focus upon when my mind was in a good place, and to stop putting myself down for anything I feel I can't do for myself or others.
Stay golden
PeaceCurrent Working List - 30th of January, 2022
Art Queue
Awaiting Art From..
KlausD - Trade piece/2016
Anthropornorphic - Commission/2016
Telegram Art Channel
KlausD
Anthropornorphic
And ouch on the tooth D: Hopefully you can get that sorted soon