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Depressed Night
8 years ago
General
Hello everyone,
I'm sorry if this is a bit out of the blue. I just want someone to vent to and really don't have anyone right now. It's been a few days since I got home from the con and it's pretty much back to life as usual with me.
With my Hatchday only a few days away now, and having a lot more free time at work than I'm used to I've had a lot of time to just reflect and think. I'll be turning 29 and.. honestly I'm really afraid of hitting 30. It just feels like that big milestone where you need to have gotten your life together and you won't be looked at the same again being out of that young adult age group.
Maybe I'm overthinking it but I haven't done a lot with myself since graduating high school, I've held jobs and currently have a good one even if it devours my time. But there are so many things about myself I want to be better at.. I'm still single, I want to practice my art again, I want to learn how to cook and live on my own. (Yeah I still live with my folks, New England rent is very high)
But most of all I want to spend more time with my friends, these wonderful people and even newer acquaintances I've met and I struggle to stay in touch. I hold no ill will towards people or fear its just I don't send the messages and even when I do I tend to struggle to keep a conversation going going leading to awkward silence or like I want something/only care about one topic.
Anyone who knows me reading this tonight, know I care about you and even if we haven't talked in so long I still want to hold that friendship. Staying in touch shouldn't be a part time job, it's the thought of them and the desire to always be thinking of them that matters most. But to all those people who I've ignored or been distant with.. all I can say is I'm so very sorry.
I really wish I had someone here with me, to push me to greater heights and keep me motivated. Because at the end of the night when I shut my rig off I am completely alone. I want to be a better person and I want to help everyone I know be happy in their own lives while finding a purpose in my own.
I'm not getting any younger, I want to enjoy my life instead of getting these bouts of depression or curling up to sleep when the boredom hits. In time I hope to find my own home, get a fursuit and.. really establish a fursona for myself because as of right now I don't really feel I have one. I am and always will be a dragon at heart, but being unable to draw or know what I want makes that design process even harder.
Maybe it's something I worry too much about, but I'd really like it. Not to mention my occasional wants to look down my body and see a girls lithe form there.
Anyway, I know this turned into a rambley mess so I appreciate each and every one of you who read this. Have a wonderful night to you all and keep a smile on even when things look dark especially nowadays.
-Renlu/Kevin
I'm sorry if this is a bit out of the blue. I just want someone to vent to and really don't have anyone right now. It's been a few days since I got home from the con and it's pretty much back to life as usual with me.
With my Hatchday only a few days away now, and having a lot more free time at work than I'm used to I've had a lot of time to just reflect and think. I'll be turning 29 and.. honestly I'm really afraid of hitting 30. It just feels like that big milestone where you need to have gotten your life together and you won't be looked at the same again being out of that young adult age group.
Maybe I'm overthinking it but I haven't done a lot with myself since graduating high school, I've held jobs and currently have a good one even if it devours my time. But there are so many things about myself I want to be better at.. I'm still single, I want to practice my art again, I want to learn how to cook and live on my own. (Yeah I still live with my folks, New England rent is very high)
But most of all I want to spend more time with my friends, these wonderful people and even newer acquaintances I've met and I struggle to stay in touch. I hold no ill will towards people or fear its just I don't send the messages and even when I do I tend to struggle to keep a conversation going going leading to awkward silence or like I want something/only care about one topic.
Anyone who knows me reading this tonight, know I care about you and even if we haven't talked in so long I still want to hold that friendship. Staying in touch shouldn't be a part time job, it's the thought of them and the desire to always be thinking of them that matters most. But to all those people who I've ignored or been distant with.. all I can say is I'm so very sorry.
I really wish I had someone here with me, to push me to greater heights and keep me motivated. Because at the end of the night when I shut my rig off I am completely alone. I want to be a better person and I want to help everyone I know be happy in their own lives while finding a purpose in my own.
I'm not getting any younger, I want to enjoy my life instead of getting these bouts of depression or curling up to sleep when the boredom hits. In time I hope to find my own home, get a fursuit and.. really establish a fursona for myself because as of right now I don't really feel I have one. I am and always will be a dragon at heart, but being unable to draw or know what I want makes that design process even harder.
Maybe it's something I worry too much about, but I'd really like it. Not to mention my occasional wants to look down my body and see a girls lithe form there.
Anyway, I know this turned into a rambley mess so I appreciate each and every one of you who read this. Have a wonderful night to you all and keep a smile on even when things look dark especially nowadays.
-Renlu/Kevin
I drifted between several part times as a stocker, cashier and landscaper before getting this factory job.