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Back from vacation with a heavy heart
8 years ago
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Visit my old account geckoguy123456789 to view all my pre 2017 art!
I've been gone for the past week at an undisclosed location for a family reunion. 2 events happened over that time that have left my heart heavy as lead. I'll keep things brief...
My youngest uncle (of 7 uncles & aunts) and whom I was closest with was diagnosed late last year with aggressive prostate cancer which had started migrating into his bones and liver, we had been hopeful of some sort of treatment over the past few months. He arrived late to the reunion having gotten a last minute invite for a consultation which he and his spouse jumped on. He returned with the heavy news that it had spread to his liver to an extent that was untreatable and un-operable and best guess was 6 months, give or take 2. This was very heavy on the whole family and there wasn't a dry eye at the table for anyone over 18 and understood what was going on.
Secondly was news I found out after I was picked up from the airport... my roommate had been proposed to (and accepted) from her boyfriend. I wanted to feel happy for her, but couldn't really muster it up. I'd had a crush on her in highschool, though we'd only known each other through school for a year before she graduated. We had stayed friends and shared the same group of friends (if a bit small) Years later and soon after I was kicked out she offered to let me stay for free at her home she had bought. As time progressed I started paying rent, continuing my schooling and eventually became the self sustaining young adult I am today. Once she had became my landlord my crush quickly lessened to barely a pilot flame. After all, a relationship with your landlord could be tricky... thus why I never shared that I had some feelings for her. This proposal has me worried though. While barely a pilot flame, it was still a flame extinguished none-the-less... and it hurt. The saying goes that as one door closes another opens, but I see this proposal as many doors suddenly closing. The rent I'm currently paying is half of her mortgage, which is much lower than equivalent rent that my area costs and she was more than happy to keep this reduced rate with me and slash months off her debt. Plus not being the handiness of people, I keep up the house, yard and assist in her home improvement projects.
I just found out about the proposal a mere 2ish hours ago, but already I'm worried about my long term housing situation. I can't afford to live in this area, much less the city itself. The general cost of living would reduce my savings cash flow to a trickle and while I don't think I'd loose money, my lifestyle and home would drop considerably. I don't know when the wedding is set for, but I feel that when he moves in I'll be the third wheel sleeping across the hall. Will I be asked to move out? Where will I move? How will this affect my ability to afford/attend further college? Will I have to leave my birth city and what few friends I have?
In summery both events, mostly the latter, have me feeling especially lonely. Two people close to me soon to become unavailable, if in different ways. Both are being taken from me, one willingly, one not. Just a year older and already engaged. A second father being taken by forces we can't control. In my earlier years of highschool I was quite a fan of Naruto. I always felt myself relating to gaara, though not in every way. Like him I have a mother who loves me dearly, a father who is around, but distant. A dark secret that I'm afraid to show anyone for fear it may hurt them or push them away. Hurting inside without bleeding. Unlike him however I have a few friends and I do care about others. Sure I have my few irl friends, my internet friends and my passion for pregfur, but since the new year began I've felt this desert around me growing... dry... barren... lonely...
It's one thing to have friends, but another to be with someone who completes you. I need to get serious about a friendship with a female that can progress beyond a friendzone level... even if just a bit beyond...
I leave you all with a picture that I think best represents my state at the moment...
http://pm1.narvii.com/5796/895048a6.....e8e407a_hq.jpg
My youngest uncle (of 7 uncles & aunts) and whom I was closest with was diagnosed late last year with aggressive prostate cancer which had started migrating into his bones and liver, we had been hopeful of some sort of treatment over the past few months. He arrived late to the reunion having gotten a last minute invite for a consultation which he and his spouse jumped on. He returned with the heavy news that it had spread to his liver to an extent that was untreatable and un-operable and best guess was 6 months, give or take 2. This was very heavy on the whole family and there wasn't a dry eye at the table for anyone over 18 and understood what was going on.
Secondly was news I found out after I was picked up from the airport... my roommate had been proposed to (and accepted) from her boyfriend. I wanted to feel happy for her, but couldn't really muster it up. I'd had a crush on her in highschool, though we'd only known each other through school for a year before she graduated. We had stayed friends and shared the same group of friends (if a bit small) Years later and soon after I was kicked out she offered to let me stay for free at her home she had bought. As time progressed I started paying rent, continuing my schooling and eventually became the self sustaining young adult I am today. Once she had became my landlord my crush quickly lessened to barely a pilot flame. After all, a relationship with your landlord could be tricky... thus why I never shared that I had some feelings for her. This proposal has me worried though. While barely a pilot flame, it was still a flame extinguished none-the-less... and it hurt. The saying goes that as one door closes another opens, but I see this proposal as many doors suddenly closing. The rent I'm currently paying is half of her mortgage, which is much lower than equivalent rent that my area costs and she was more than happy to keep this reduced rate with me and slash months off her debt. Plus not being the handiness of people, I keep up the house, yard and assist in her home improvement projects.
I just found out about the proposal a mere 2ish hours ago, but already I'm worried about my long term housing situation. I can't afford to live in this area, much less the city itself. The general cost of living would reduce my savings cash flow to a trickle and while I don't think I'd loose money, my lifestyle and home would drop considerably. I don't know when the wedding is set for, but I feel that when he moves in I'll be the third wheel sleeping across the hall. Will I be asked to move out? Where will I move? How will this affect my ability to afford/attend further college? Will I have to leave my birth city and what few friends I have?
In summery both events, mostly the latter, have me feeling especially lonely. Two people close to me soon to become unavailable, if in different ways. Both are being taken from me, one willingly, one not. Just a year older and already engaged. A second father being taken by forces we can't control. In my earlier years of highschool I was quite a fan of Naruto. I always felt myself relating to gaara, though not in every way. Like him I have a mother who loves me dearly, a father who is around, but distant. A dark secret that I'm afraid to show anyone for fear it may hurt them or push them away. Hurting inside without bleeding. Unlike him however I have a few friends and I do care about others. Sure I have my few irl friends, my internet friends and my passion for pregfur, but since the new year began I've felt this desert around me growing... dry... barren... lonely...
It's one thing to have friends, but another to be with someone who completes you. I need to get serious about a friendship with a female that can progress beyond a friendzone level... even if just a bit beyond...
I leave you all with a picture that I think best represents my state at the moment...
http://pm1.narvii.com/5796/895048a6.....e8e407a_hq.jpg
Don't let news of a few months to live get you or any one else down! Seriously, just because they give you that news DOESN'T mean it is a prediction. I say this because it happened to my dad who had pancreatic cancer. He was given 6 months to live 4.5 years ago! Stress is a bitch and WILL shorten his life. However family and help can at least improve their quality of life, if not the amount of time they have.
Even if the prediction is correct, you should try to spend time with them. It can mean the difference between a peaceful death and not...
If they are old enough to be on medicare, look around and or ask your cancer doc about non profit in home hospice care.
I feel for you, man. I lost my grandfather to cancer, about three and a half years ago no, so I know what that's like.
I wish you and your family the absolute best.