The past week has become the literal worst time of my life. Last Sunday, my grandma had her sister bring her to the ER to try and figure out what was going on. After 6 hours or more of waiting around there, they decided she should go to another hospital that had "more equipment". At the second hospital they discovered her cancerous tumors had blocked off her intestines.

So we had to wait a day for the cancer doctor to show up and explain our options.

I cried so much Monday and Tuesday that it seems like I've lost the ability. The only options that were available were to try an even more aggressive chemo treatment, which by itself could kill my grandma and only had a 10-20% chance of doing anything. Or, quit trying to treat it and just make her as comfortable as possible until the end. I knew she would choose not to do more chemo treatments, and I can't blame her at all with odds that low. Especially since the cancer simply mutated during the first try at chemo....

Now I am left to be her primary caretaker until the time comes when she either has to move to a hospice house so nurses can be around 24/7, or she dies at home. My grandma is the closest person to me, and she raised me like a mother. At the most, we have less than a year. The way things are going...I'll just be happy if she makes it to Christmas, since she loves the chance to see all of the family.

I have no idea how to handle this situation, since it was a blindside. It seemed like the chemo treatment had been working, so to suddenly hear that she has around 6 months left was a shock. I will be slow to post art for a while here. I sometimes post on my DA since I have work that I owe people, but even that is slow going. All of this also started on my first day of college classes, so that's great. Somehow I currently am doing well, so hopefully I can struggle through college well enough.

I guess this is just a journal to let anyone who cares know why it might seem like I've vanished or have gotten slower than usual at posting art here.