So in actuality this is just a journal to pass some time because I should be asleep right now... I tried sleeping at 23:30 I think I managed about 45 mins before I woke up again. Now I guess because I'm in a hotel, might be one of the reasons. It is usually a given, that I will not sleep well in a hotel. In so many hours I'll be on a plane making my way to Italy for a small holiday. My anxiety over waking up on time is also a factor I guess I should consider. I've been reading the book in brought with me I'm about 100 pages in and it's quite fun I'd recommend it, it's called 'The Evenings'by Gerard Reve. Anyway it's made me feel sleepy but I will want to be up in two hours to make sure I am ready. The book was written in 1947 and was only translated into English last year which is something I love. The translator loved the story so much that he wanted to share it with us... well I'm a romantic. I am a mixed bag of emotions right now, excited, tired, nervous. I'm filled with self doubt as with everything I do before I do it. I know I'm going to have a wonderful time but my mind will constantly argue against it, for no real reason I would suppose other than my brain likes me to be miserable. Much is the way I am feeling with my art. I've once gone a whole year without ever having made a single piece of art and I was absaloutly fine with it. Which is the trouble for me I'm too blazé, too nonchalant about the things I do care about. I always want to be better at art and when I look a certain peoples work instead of taking away ideas on how I could get better I ask, why am I not as good, what have I been doing wrong, how have I been doing this for as long as I have and still not be on the right path to creating something I can be proud of? It may just be that my attitude stinks and I probably should have done art at uni instead of photography art. But yeah... I'll keep at it even though I think I'm stagnating, you don't get any better without moving forward right?