I've been on this site for 10 years.

Ive lost some friends, kept many and have had one hell of a ride.

God only knows how many times I wanted to leave this place but kept coming back as I've been "Tolerated" by admins. Less so by some people but it is what it is. What do you do though I grew paranoid and bitter after chasing cliques and shadows and what I saw as insular details of the fandom when I knew they couldn't really do much about my issues. (That and you realize how many problems there are and why everyone is expected to shut up about them.)

Now after 2 years of nothing not so much... Ive seen rock bottom and accepted the "end" of my fears and worries, and when it comes it comes. Nothing I or the fandom can do about it when it happens. People are just not interested as it happens behind closed doors.

I'm still alive at least, and am finally doing "better" thanks to long standing issues changing in my life for once.

Hopefully these stick for a while and I'm not so negative as to be paranoid or angry over every mistake Ive made in my life.